My brother did that shit on purpose. *we'll never stop being six and ten*

Last weekend, I planted my "garden." And I say it like that, because when I say "garden" I mean I only planted a few things, because I didn't actually want to put A WHOLE LOT of effort in. You say kind of lazy, I say I know what I'm gonna do and it ain't that. So, I only planted things that I liked and wanted to deal with.

Which included: six tomato plants (because I apparently need six different varieties of tomatoes?), red cabbage, lettuce, onions, yellow peppers, and herbs (rosemary, english thyme, cilantro, sweet mint, flat leaf parsley, and lavender).

I've never tried to grow herbs, but I figured since I had been gardening pretty much my entire life (vegetables that is, not flowers.... I kill all plants that aren't vegetables), I could at least give it a go. (My entire childhood in Tennessee we had a GIANT garden every single year that fed us throughout the Winter months).

A couple years ago at the house we lived in before the one we have now (you know, after that whole brief "I'm homeless" period after deciding to buy a house instead of rent), my brother was all, "let's have a garden!" And I initially agreed, because he said that he would help me with all of it from start to finish.... like a dumbass, I believed him.

Needless to say, I ended up doing the entire thing from start to finish BY MYSELF (although, he did eat the veggies out of it and complain that "they weren't up to his girlfriends standards"). Seriously, he did NOTHING in the way of helping with ANY OF IT. The next year, he wanted one and I simply said, NO, and when he tried to convince me how much he would help and what his "plans" were, and all of that nonsense, I was like BYE FELICIA. And we didn't have one (because, I didn't do it and he surely wasn't going to).

Besides, he's only at our house two weeks a month (it's a very confusing custody thing or something and don't even ask, because even I don't really know), so he helps with very little. (And yes, I'm allowed to talk all the shit about my brother that I want.... because you didn't have to grow up with the little Damien-reincarnate).

Anyways, so I planted my "little garden" in the flowerbed directly behind my house (because I'd rather have veggies than flowers that need round the clock maintenance.... and again, I kill flowers), because that seemed like the PERFECT place to have one. It has shade, but also gets sun and it was pretty cleared out to begin with.

And it is perfect.... especially since I haven't seen my brother even go near those flower beds. Until Saturday after I planted all of my stuff. I hadn't been done planting for TEN MINUTES before he was walking all up in that flowerbed ("just because") and I had to tell him to get the f*ck out of it before he walked on my plants and he informed me, "I'm not gonna hurt these f*cking plants" and then I had to tell him to get his baby out of the flowerbed and he screamed, "he's not gonna hurt anything in that flowerbed!!" and I had to inform him that he may not, but if he picks up a rock or piece of mulch and sticks it in his mouth, he'll get hurt. I mean, he's got a little throat and he's TRYING TO EAT ROCKS.

I'm pretty sure he thought I was making shit up at that point, but I wasn't trying to be an asshole, I had just literally taken like four things out of that kids mouth that day. He literally puts EVERYTHING in his mouth and I feel like that's a nasty little habit.

The point is, after my brother made this big "I'm not gonna hurt anything, damn you're such a b*tch, Katie" speech, I went out to water my plants later that afternoon and realized that he had not only stepped on, but completely DEMOLISHED my cilantro plant. Like, it looked like he stepped on it, moved his foot around, and then scraped his shoe over it. "Not gonna hurt anything" my ass. This is our childhood all over again, and I can already hear Momma shaking her head at us.

So yeah, I know he did that shit on purpose.... he'll deny it, but he did. And now.... I'm off to plot my revenge.