Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Can we stop with this whole King/Queen thing?!

(I don't think that means what you think it means).

I'm assuming that you guys have seen those memes or whatever you call them, that state things like- "a queen always has her kings back" and "a king knows the value of his queen" and so on and so forth. Example:


If you guys think that "a king only bows down to his queen" then you've never heard of a little guy known as Henry VIII. Go ahead, look him up. I'll wait, because you're going to want to know how fantastic the lives of his queens (yes, plural) were.

See what I mean? Now, let's all be honest, how damn annoying is that? I mostly find it annoying, because the people that post these memes/quotes all over social media (seriously, they are everywhere and you can't escape it), make me roll my eyes about many things on a semi-daily basis.

I guess my first response to something like this being said would be- "Y'all do realize that not everybody gets to be a king/queen.... right? Like, some of you bitches are going to have to be peasants." That's just the way it goes. Kind of like not everybody gets to be the boss, some people have to be the workers, otherwise it doesn't even matter and everything would stop working.

Mostly, I see this from girls talking about their "man" and how she'd "cut a bitch" over her "man." And, I also see it from guys talking about how they'd "take a stint" and "whoop all these 'little boys' asses" over their girl. I'm just sitting over here like, I've seen both of y'alls track records and have seen you take quite a few ass whippings. Calm down, and go sit over there.

Also, this is the sixth "man" and fourth "girl" that y'all are talking about doing "anything including living/dying" for. I hate to be a hater, but YOU ARE NOT THAT IN LOVE, SIR. "Ride or Die" my ass.

That is all.
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Thursday, August 25, 2016

I studied and went to a birthday party.

(I've been out of school for eight years. Oy.... that hurts my soul to say).


Remember on Tuesday when I said that Shelley wanted Momma and me to come to their apartment for Madisyn's birthday? Well, last night we went and had a good time. It was only Momma, Aunt Poot, Solae, and I besides Shelley, her hubby, and their three kids, but we all had a great time, regardless. There was cake and chunky babies, and really, what more do you need? Plus, Momma and I always have a great time together and when you add Aunt Poot into the mix, things only get better.

We all just hung out and talked. I hadn't gotten to see Shelley since Payton's birthday party (last December), so we had a thing or two to catch up on. Oh, and we swapped phone numbers (again) because we try to stay in touch, but we're very terrible at it.

Madisyn has grown so much!! You see all of her adorableness? Yeah, that's twenty-six pounds of cuteness, right there. Y'all should see her chunky little thighs. Cutest shit that I've ever seen in my entire life. She didn't want anybody to hold her but Shelley, no worries though, I bribed her into liking me, so she let me carry her around for a bit. (Oh, and I helped Solae study for her science test that she has today while we were in the car last night. Keep your fingers crossed for her!!).

Hopefully, we won't have to wait for another birthday to see Shelley and the family again!! We really need to get better at that. 
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Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Is Tuesday morning too late to cry for the weekend that was or too early to cry for the weekend that isn't here yet?

(Can we look into some food right about now?!).


Is it just me or do the weekends seem to fly by without a care in the world? The same thing goes for evenings after work. All day at work yesterday, I swear I was there for at least nineteen hours.... and then.... as soon as I got home, POOF. Evening gone. I looked down before I even realized it and was like- "how in the hell is it already 7:30?" I just didn't know how the madness was possible. But, I mean, I had a burrito and candy for dinner, so who's the real winner in all of this? ME. (And Momma and Tayder).

It didn't do anything, but rain all day Saturday and since it was beyond gross, we stayed in for the day and cleaned and watched movies. (I only minimally cleaned on Saturday, I did the real cleaning on Sunday). Most people would say that's an extremely lazy way to spend a whole day and night, but I don't give a crap; it was great. We ran through The Debt (beyond excellent), The Boss (Melissa McCarthy cracks me up.... and Peter Dinklage? YES.), and Exeter (creepy, and good). Not to mention I made a vanilla cake FROM SCRATCH, because the only sweet thing we had anywhere in our house was a can of chocolate frosting (no worries, I have rectified that situation and gotten candy since). The cake was a lot thicker than you remember, because box cakes are different, but it was pretty good. Try this one.

And of course, poor Tayder has had two baths within three days, because he is the most pitiful little ichibum that you've ever seen in your entire life. And Momma's had a headache that she couldn't shake for about three days, but finally yesterday, we got it shaken.... not stirred (Ha! I got jokes). Sorry, I'm a little delirious. I rolled over this morning and I was just about to pass out again when my alarm started going off (insert sad face here). Oh, and Shelley wants Momma and I to come to her house with Aunt Poot tomorrow, because Madisyn is already a year old (and I'm getting old as shit). I don't know if we're going or not, but I reckon we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Here's to another week and pulling through it. Good luck to us all.
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Tuesday, August 16, 2016

I watched the movie Everest (the true story of the actual 1996 disaster).

(Because Jason Clarke, Jake Gyllenhaal, Josh Brolin, and John Hawkes).


Before I watched the movie Everest:

I want to summit Mount Everest. I feel like if I work hard enough, apply myself, and train hard I can do it. What does it take? At least 1 year of hardcore training in cardio, weight lifting, and breath control. 40 days to train your body to "handle" Everest. As soon as you start to summit your body literally starts dying. It's not called the "Death Zone" for nothing. My body will just be trying to preserve itself. It's ok, I can handle this. I'm going to do it. It's nearly impossible, but it can be done. And it can be done by ME.

While I was watching Everest:

Did he just say that he had to pay $65,000.00 to climb Everest? In 1996? What the hell does that come to in 2016 with inflation?!!

..... This dude is a straight up philosopher. Seriously, shit is getting deep up in here.

Umm, I'm no expert, BUT I'm pretty sure that if you're 23,400 feet up, and puking off of a mountain..... Maybe you should go back down and rest a bit. Just a suggestion.

I know this is a true story, because I was like six years old when this happened, and I remember seeing new stories about it on the tv, but..... Did that guys nose and hands really have to be amputated, because of severe frostbite and gangrene?

***immediately googles Beck Weathers and learns that, because of the frostbite and gangrene he had to have his right arm, all of his left fingers, half of both feet, and nose all amputated***

Me after watching Everest and reading all about the 1996 disaster:

Ah, I guess I don't really need to climb Everest. I mean, what are goals, dreams, and aspirations compared to feet, arms, and noses?! It's highly unsafe.

Dammit, I still want to do it. My mother should have had me tested, I'm clearly unstable.
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Friday, August 12, 2016

Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at supper time.

(And for lunch today, because yolo.).


I have a couple of friends named Tabby that I've known almost my entire life, and her husband Mikey (who is also my friend and have known forever and a day), that used to live next door to us in apartment#2 in Tennessee. We all like to refer to that time as the "you never know when one of us is gonna show up and eat your food and use your freezer" phase. Basically, we left our doors unlocked and all of us would come in and out of each others places and it was kind of like we all lived together just separated by one big wall.

It worked for us.

We had movie nights (Mikey had a giant tv and we made good use of it- Star Trek? YES.), cooked for each other, ran to the others bathroom if ours was occupied, watched each others dogs (and their cat), and all was well that ended well. Or, however that saying goes. We never had any problems and I'd go on record about saying they're pretty much the best neighbors (and friends) that you could have.

Tabby and me like to cook. She's more of a recipe kind of gal and I'm more of a "fly by the seat of your pants and see what happens" kind. We learned that when you put those two things together, you can come up with some very interesting things. By far, my favorite thing that she ever cooked for me (and she cooked a lot) is her bbq/chicken pizza. It is so amazing and delicious. I'm hungry right now just thinking about it. I haven't had it in so long (since before we moved to Indiana), and I wanted it so bad that I sent her a message for the recipe (because you don't want to fly on this one- it's fantastic just like she makes it).

Her message to me:

Bbq chicken pizza is really easy. ...... All you need is: a pizza crust (I use the kind in a can like biscuits); boneless skinless chicken; bbq sauce; sliced tomatoes; onion (I use red onion) and mozzarella cheese;

Step 1: Cook chicken in skillet basting with bbq sauce
Step 2: Cook pizza crust according to directions
Step 3: To assemble pizza, spread bbq sauce all over crust, shred chicken and add next, then add cheese, on top of cheese add tomatoes and onions and cook (350° for however long it needs). Some people like a crispier crust, some like it a bit softer.

Seriously, that's it.

P.S. I totally added pineapple to ours, because we had it, it went, and it was so very delicious. #NoRegrets

You like her whole "add cheese on top of cheese" comment? We are definitely a couple of cheese lovers (except blue cheese, because ew gross). And now, thanks to her, I have a delicious new dinner (or let's be honest, snack) to make often. I know it's fantastic all by itself, but if I get the chance to throw pineapple on something, I usually do. Except salad, I don't want any kind of fruit in my salad.

I may not make the prettiest pizzas, but thanks to her I sure do make a delicious one.
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Tuesday, August 9, 2016

How an 80s show created in the new millenium blew my mind.

(Y'all, the Duffer brothers? Geniuses.).


Have y'all watched Stranger Things on Netflix yet? In case you haven't, stop right where you are and go watch it immediately. Mostly, because there are going to be MAJOR SPOILER ALERTS all over the place, and because you DO NOT want to miss this show. Seriously, go ahead, I'll wait.

............ don't worry, I'm waiting........

............  fret not, still waiting (patiently)........

Did you watch it? Did you love the hell out of it? Because if you say no, I'm pretty sure that we can't be friends and there is something for real wrong with you. And not the whole, "you're a freak" kind of wrong with you (I love weird people, because let's be honest, I'm weird as shit myself), but the kind of "we could never be friends because we have nothing in common" kind of strange.

For people who did love the show, step right up, because we've got some major recapping, speculating, and madness to get to.

Y'all. FOR REAL. Was this show not the best thing that you've seen in WAY TOO LONG?!! This past Sunday, Momma and I decided (mostly I decided, because she was still asleep when I turned the TV on- she woke up right as it was starting) to give Netflix/Winona Ryder's new show a go. We figured, the least we could do was watch the first episode to see what it was all about and decide if it was worth watching all the way through eventually..... We finished it Sunday night. Yeah, we binge watched it from beginning to end, because we couldn't stop ourselves.

Aunt Poot called and invited us down for supper at around five in the evening and even though we went, we paused right where we were, and almost couldn't pull ourselves away long enough to do anything partially productive.

Side note: I will never listen to The Clash the same way without thinking of little Jonathan (Should I Stay or Should I Go...... sorry).

The point is, we were going to just watch the first episode, maybe two, like we do almost every other show and then don't go back and finish like we plan to (I'm looking at you Blacklist, Baby Daddy, Burn Notice, Penny Dreadful, Hell on Wheels, Supernatural, and Once Upon a Time).

And it was so good that we probably could have stopped, but we had no will or intention to.

It's the Goonies, meets the X-files, meets Stand By Me, meets E.T. Why would you want to stop?! Also, the kid that plays Jonathan (I say kid, but I'm pretty sure he's just a couple of years younger than me) reminds me of little Eddie Furlong when he was in Terminator2, so clearly he's my favorite and I'm his number one fan, because how do you not love him?! (Team Jonathan over Team Steve all day every day).

As far as the other kids go? SO AWESOME. Did I mention that little Dustin has no front teeth and is about the cutest little thing that you could come across? Because he totally is. Mike reminds me of John Francis Daley from his Freaks and Geeks days, Eleven (or shall we say, El) is a constant reminder of Wil Wheaton from Stand By Me (in the cutest and greatest way imaginable), and Lucas with his Rambo bandana? YES.

Winona is at her most superb, David Harbour couldn't play a better character (going from indefinitely aloof to serious badass in 2.3 seconds), and there just isn't enough that I could say about this entire cast and concept that doesn't work and isn't fantastic. It's so incredible, that watching El and the way that the boys love her and respond to her, I half-heartedly wanted to shave my entire head and eat nothing but Eggo's for the rest of my life.

And can we just mention the best parts of this series? Demons coming out of the walls, communicating via Christmas lights and ABC's, Jonathan totally whooping Steve's ass all up and down that alley, vans flipping/arms breaking/people peeing their pants via telekinesis?!! YES.

I totally can't wait for the sequel/season 2, whatever you want to call it. As soon as we finished it I was so sad that there wasn't more. (Am I the only one that isn't incredibly sad about Barb? Don't get me wrong, I liked her alright, but I have more pressing matters to attend to- aka everything else).

Here's to you, kids. Watch it. Immediately. And remember, in a world full of tens, be an Eleven.
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Monday, August 8, 2016

I would be teasing you about the fact that you're almost thirty.

(A little quip about friendship- happy birthday, punk).


Today is, or I guess you would say was, my sweet friend Corey's twenty-ninth birthday. That's right, on August 08, 2016 he would've turned twenty-nine and the world could have celebrated the fact that on this day in 1987 a little piece of miracle was born.

You ever have those moments that stick in your brain no matter what you do? Or, you have something that you never get rid of, because you want to be able to look back on it? Whether it makes you happy or sad, you hold onto these things and you refuse to let them go?

Just like people. No matter if they're there with you or not, you hold onto them as a source of comfort, or a distant memory that you try to let go of and just can't seem to let yourself.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you, I still have all of the messages that my sweet friend and I sent back and forth to each other. I can't seem to erase them, and honestly I have no intention of it. It's probably a weird thing to keep, but it seems perfectly normal to me. Besides, neither of us were very good at being streamline normal in the first place.

And would you like to know what the last words shared between us were?

Katie: "You're an ass."
Corey: "Yeah, you love my ass, though."

You read that right. I called him an ass, and he just laughed at it. Which, if you were around us at any point from the time we met as kids well into adulthood, you would know that's usually how all of our conversations went. I would call him out on being a punk, and he would spin it around right back at me. And then we would both laugh at it.... what else are you supposed to do?

Happy birthday, punk. You're still an ass, and I still love you for it.
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Friday, August 5, 2016

It's finally Friday and all I want to do is drink wine and eat chicken and watch tv and sleep.

(I honestly thought about just ignoring my alarm and responsibilities this morning).


Have y'all ever had one of those weeks where no matter what you do there never seems to be enough time to accomplish everything and by the end you're totally exhausted? That's my life at the moment. And it's not even that there are a lot of things going on, but it's just that the work hours have been really long, and all of the other hours seem to disappear without a trace (you know, the ones that let you do things like cook, clean, go to the grocery store, mow your grass, watch your favorite tv shows, and sleep).

After work yesterday Momma and I ran out to get those fans and we just grabbed a bite while we were out, because cooking was not in the cards for either of us. When we got home I assembled the fans (just call me Tim the Toolman Taylor), and then we gave our house the thorough cleaning that it so desperately deserved (dust = death), did laundry and finally got to take a shower and sit down for two minutes. By the time we got all of that done and showers, it was far after eleven.

So, this morning when my alarm went off at 4:45 am (yes, I know I have to get up over asscrack early- trust me, I know) calling me to my adult responsibilities? All I wanted to do was sleep. I wanted to say the hell with being an adult (because it's the worst) and I wanted to sleep until almost noon (fat chance, I can never sleep late like that) and then eat and do little to nothing for the rest of the day. But did I do that?

NO. The answer to that is hell no. Why?! Because I have this thing called self preservation and while I'm good with filling my body full of alcohol, candy, and bacon cheeseburgers, I am not good with someone showing up at my house at five in the morning to pounce on me and drag my bitch ass to work against my will (I'm looking at you, Danielle). I figured it would just be easier to drag my own bitch ass to work against my will. Saves everybody gas money that way.

But after 3:30 this afternoon? I'm home free for two days, fourteen hours and thirty minutes. Or, 3750 minutes. You know, to make it sound like it's more time than it actually is. And I'm going to try to milk the weekend goodness for all it's worth. And probably eat a bunch of good food and drink too much (tonight). And try to talk Momma into gas station chicken (yes, I'm one of those weird ass people that loves gas station food) and a ride to DiscReplay (again, tonight- let's see if they have old school Terminator and Outsiders).

It's the little things.
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Thursday, August 4, 2016

Every time I'm in air conditioning, I get ridiculously hungry.

(It's weird as hell).


I know why I'm getting hungry on a whole new level, but it doesn't mean that I feel like it's normal. You see, as of this moment we don't have any air conditioning in our house (don't worry, we're going to get some fans today so it will be livable- it's been anywhere from 87° to 93° in our house for days), therefore eating isn't high on the priority list. I don't know about you, but when I'm hot my appetite is a no show. And that's not a good thing for me, because my eating habits are strange enough without another factor butting in.

So, because I'm not really eating at home (me, Momma, nor Tayder are), whenever one of us gets cooled down (i.e. work or the grocery store) we become so hungry that it begins to be a serious problem. In the words of Boyd Crowder "I'm so hungry right now, I could eat the ass out of a low flying duck." (The man is just classy and knows what's up).

And sleeping? Forget about it. I think I passed out for about an hour yesterday afternoon and that is the most consistent sleep that has happened all week. I worry about Momma and Tayder to the point of that's why we're getting air and/or more fans tomorrow. I don't want either of them getting so hot that they get sick. That's just not good on any level. So, hopefully this day/ evening won't be too awfully horrible and by tomorrow we can get it taken care of (wish us luck). And then we can all relax.

And eat chicken. Because, you know, HUNGER.
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