I feel the same today as I did ten years ago. *insert sleepy face here*

Today is my twenty-eighth birthday and I'm not really sure how I should feel about that? Except that I want to go back to bed.

Sure, I'm older.... I'm creeping up on thirty, but I don't "feel" any different than what I ever have. I've never been one of those "I just had a birthday so that means I'm older and a completely different person now" kind of people. I know most people say that once they reach a certain age they begin to feel "different." Maybe even more grown up?

Perhaps I haven't reached that age yet, or maybe I will never have that kind of "moment" but I can honestly say that twenty-eight feels absolutely no different than twenty-seven did. (Except now I have to tell people that I'm even older than I was yesterday.... but isn't that true for all of us?!).

In fact, twenty-eight feels no different than eighteen felt. Well, aside from the whole being out of highschool and able to buy booze thing.

Momma asked me this morning, "so, how's it feel to be eighteen?" (We all have a running joke in our family that dictates you never say someone's real age while teasing). And I told her, honestly it feels exactly like it did ten years ago.... except now I have to buy bigger jeans and I'm a little more cynical (who even knew that was possible?!!?!).

Side note: Dani did bring me "birthday doughnuts" to work this morning from the Amish bakery and they were the most delicious thing EVER. I had one that was caramel wrapped in cinnamon and powdered sugar.... yeah, you heard me right.

What are my big birthday plans for this year? Well.... absolutely nothing. And I love that. I came to work like it was any old day (because honestly, it is) and will go about my business like nothing is different (again, because it really isn't). Tonight my twenty-eight self will eat the roast that my twenty-seven self was forward thinking enough to put in the crockpot for supper last night. And it will be winter business as usual.... supper, snuggles with Tayder, warm shower, snacks, wine, and Netflix.

Maybe I'll watch a scary movie in honor of my birthday? (Because scary movies are my favorite and I love when my birthday falls on Fridays, because then I can be all "it's Friday the 13th!"). No parties or binge-drinking.... no craziness or recklessness. Just nice and "boring" and calm (and that's just the way I love it).

And that, my friends, is what twenty-eight looks like from over here.

I don't even know how to respond to that, so I'm gonna ignore it for hours.

I'm all for social media and lord knows that I post some random things, but you know what I've never done? I've never sent someone a message on social media and then thought to myself, "you know what would make this message the bomb? a shirtless selfie to accompany it."

I've also never thought it was a good idea to take naked (or half-naked) photos of myself for any reason and then be surprised when people I didn't "intend" to see them actually do see them. (Apparently people are doing that and are then surprised when someone breaks into their phones and shares said photos?)

However, that's not the case with everyone as when I woke up this morning I had a message (via FB Messenger) from a guy that I've known since I was like eight that said, "Soooooo bored" that he just so happened to attach to it a shirtless selfie of him laying on his bed.... and that's apparently his hobby, because that camera angle was just way too weird and deadset to just be a "fluke."

So, I guess my questions is.... is this what we're doing now?

Also, has this ever actually worked and someone just randomly send a shirtless photo back for absolutely no reason other than you received one in the first place?

Actually, you know what, I don't even have a question, because honestly I don't want answers.

Speaking of answers, apparently when someone sends you a shirtless selfie you're supposed to reciprocate? (A friend of mine informed me of this, I was painfully unaware). Which is probably why he didn't think my response of "Get Netflix. It helps boredom." was too funny. Personally, I found it to be hilarious and sage advice.... and that's probably why I'm considered to be sarcastic. Sorry dude, you shouldn't be texting people at almost eleven o'clock on a Thursday night anyways for any reason, let alone so they can see you shirtless.... ESPECIALLY when they didn't ask. (How old did that just make me sound?)

I say I'm spicy.... they say I'm a jerk.... we'll agree to disagree. TGIF, dude.

I get where they're going with it, but ugh, do you really?!!?!

Are people still calling Wednesday "Hump Day"?

You know what, don't answer that.
I'm pretty sure I don't even wanna know.... my faith in humanity is too low at this point.
You know, because people won't quit eating f*cking laundry detergent.

I have an important meeting this afternoon.
Wish me luck, downtown traffic and directions are not my friend.
And yes, I insist on being vague and saying "my meeting" because it makes me feel like a spy.

Also, I have two episodes of Hawaii Five-O left for streaming on Netflix and then I will have completed ALL seven seasons.

Sometimes, it's the little things.

Ten years can seem like either yesterday or an entire lifetime ago.

It's not every day that someone can look at you and ask "where were you on this day exactly ten years ago" and you legitimately remember. Most of us have no clue and if you're like me, I can barely remember what I was doing two days ago, let alone a decade. But, there are those few circumstances that stand out and warrant your memory.

Back in February 2008, my family and I were living in Tennessee. We had only been back for a couple of months and were for the most part adjusting to living in the country again (a small readjustment for myself, as I have always loved living in the country). I was a senior in highschool, scheduled to graduate that May (and I still can't quite believe that was a decade ago), working at the nursing home, thinking about how those were my last days of being seventeen, and enjoying being with all of my friends whom I had loved and missed.

Most of us remember that February ten years ago for an entirely different reason than anything that I just listed, including myself. You see, back then something happened that would go on to be referred to as the "2008 Super Tuesday Tornado Outbreak." Essentially it was a total of eighty-seven tornadoes occurring between the afternoon of February 5th and the early morning of February 6th throughout four states and eighteen counties. Among the damage there were fifty-seven people killed, hundreds injured, and countless lives changed forever.

I remember it like it was yesterday. We all knew there was a bad storm coming, and were doing the usual to prepare ourselves, but didn't think too much of it at first, because we had lived in "Tornado Alley" for the better part of our lives. But, that night changed it.... at the time, the outbreak was the deadliest in the era of modern NEXRAD doppler radar (which came into effect in 1997). And no matter how much everyone thought they were prepared, the truth was, none of us were prepared for any of it in the least little bit.

For over fifteen hours everyone just had to try to tell themselves that if they got through that part, then everything would be ok. The truth was, no one had any clue if everything would be ok or if we would even pull through it. You never really understand the resilience of people until you're standing there with them and neither of you knows what to do, but you just do something.

The beginning of this catastrophic storm started in Arkansas, and once it started it didn't stop. One of the first signs that we knew something major was happening was when a major fire was started, because a natural gas plant was in the path of the tornado and was ripped apart. Luckily, they had evacuated that area and no one was injured inside of the plant.... but you could see those colors against the sky just as clear as day. I'll never forget it. We lived in an apartment at the time (and our apartment was in a holler) and once we heard the giant "BOOM" we all ran outside to figure out what was going on. What was going on was the natural gas plant had been ripped apart and exploded and against the coal black sky all you could see was the prettiest red/pink/orange colors. I know it sounds ridiculous to call it pretty, but it truly was.

It sounds a little dramatic to say that the tornado "leveled half of our county" but it's not being dramatic, it's the truth. There were over one hundred seventy homes completely destroyed, thirteen people lost their lives, and there were almost fifty more seriously injured. Our county felt the effects of that night for years, and at times, still do. Over a million dollars worth of the trees were destroyed, putting a severe hurting on our logging industry that are comprised of mostly family owned businesses that have been operational for generations.

President George W. Bush actually came into our county a couple of days later (on February 8th) to take in the damage for himself and promised that aid was on its way, even though we were doing our best to help each other.

Pieces of our county (debris) were found as far as seventy miles away from where they had been before the storm. We had lost all power and had to pull together to stay warm, eat, and make sure that people got the medical attention that they required. Alot of people didn't have power for a week and they closed our schools for a couple of weeks. They estimated that there was upwards of seventy-eight million dollars worth of damage in our tiny county alone.

Many of my friends were/are on the rescue/fire squad and we all came together and tried to do our part the best we could. Personally, I went with three friends of mine and we delivered generators and cases of water to churches and various buildings that had been converted into makeshift shelters for hours upon hours. It was so cold and everyone tried to collect as many blankets and clothes as we possibly could for everyone. Some of the people that were injured even had to do physically therapy at the nursing home where I worked. Strangers helped one another, people were pulled from rubble, you let others in to share your heat, and food was more like a community gathering for awhile. It's an incredibly sad thing to see, but to know how some people can come together in the face of tragedy is amazing and truly shows you that no matter what, there are decent, good, hardworking people out there willing to lend a hand and help others.

It's been ten years, and sometimes it still feels like it was yesterday.

I don't think I'll ever forget that night. I don't think any of us ever will.

This week has been a year long and I'm so happy it's finally Friday.

After thinking that Wednesday was Thursday and yesterday was Friday, it's finally Friday.
And I don't think people realize how appreciative I am over it.
Because this week has been seventeen years long.

I may or may not have grown a patch of gray hair from this week alone.
This is the second Friday in a row that Dani has brought me doughnuts.
The sickness is still going around, but I think people are starting to feel better?

Did I mention how happy I am that it's Friday and therefore a couple days off?
Because I am and I'm not even sorry about it.

Here's to the weekend. Cheers, y'all.

A poem about me: I hate people, I wish I was drunk (and at home). The end.

Today is Thursday. Did you know that?
I thought yesterday was Thursday ALL DAMN DAY.
So, you can imagine my irritation when I woke up and discovered today wasn't Friday.

Apparently this is the week for sickness (Momma, Bubba, & Dani are all sick).
It's also the week for paying people back.
Not in the "Mafia" way.
In the regular you owe someone something and you're in the position to give it to them way.

It's a nice feeling and takes some of the edge off.
Not all of it, because I have too much anxiety for all that.

I'm on Season06, Episode24 of Hawaii Five-O.
Only two episodes left and then it's on to the final season offered on Netflix.

I still want today to be Friday though.

The Super Bowl is five days away and my family might disown me by then.

Super Bowl LII is five days away and as per our tradition (it’s a tradition that has been started since we moved back around family in Indy five years ago), we will be going to Aunt Poot and Uncle D’s to watch the game (and eat way more junk than what's appropriate). And sometimes a couple of my cousins are there, but it's usually just the four of us.

Except this is year might be my last time to be in attendance for all eternity.

Let me explain. You see, this year, at the Bowl it will be the Eagles vs the Patriots and while I’m not a Patriots fan, I am a HUGE Rob Gronkowski fan. And last year at the Bowl it was the Patriots vs the Falcons and the Pats won.... and managed to piss off almost every single person that I’ve ever met.

Except me. Why? Because as I said, I’m a Gronkowski (I know he goes by just Gronk, but for some reason I love saying the word Gronkowski) fan and while he was out last year (he’s been plagued by injuries.... and it pisses me off that some of them could’ve been prevented, but they make him take more, because of his size.... but that’s an argumentative post for another day), I still got to see him on a giant ass screen in all of his glory. Would I have preferred to see him playing? Sure. But I also wouldn’t want somebody to hurt themselves beyond recovery “just because” or over a job.

And every single person that was in the living room the night we watched Super Bowl LI wanted to put me in a headlock until I took back the fact that I was ok with the Pats winning on the pure basis that I think Gronkowski pulls those rings off well.

It probably also didn’t help that I documented every single time they even remotely glanced the camera his way.

But I digress, because I’m pretty sure my family can probably sense a disturbance in the force since I’ve mentioned a Patriot so many times. They’re so crazy when it comes to it (they are all diehard Colts fans.... except my Momma who is a diehard Steelers fan and is good with my love for Gronkowski), you would think I had said “Beetlejuice” three times in a row.

Beetlejuice.... Beetlejuice.... just kidding, I won’t say it again. (Except technically I’ve already said it three times so I can’t remember is that counts or not?)

There's been some doubt as to whether or not Gronkowski will be eligible to play at this years Bowl (he's currently on concussion protocol), but I have a feeling that if he gets ANY say in the matter, he will be ready to roll.... because you know he hated standing on the sidelines and shit last year.

Either way, here's hoping he's all good and healthy.... and that I can outrun the majority of my family.

"Is f*ck off an emotion? Because I feel it in my soul." -Me, most days.

It's Monday.
I didn't want to get up out of bed this morning.
Mostly, I didn't mind the getting up, I just didn't want to leave the house.
I just can't be responsible for my adulting today.

We need the weekend back. Mostly, I need the weekend back.

Let's blow this popsicle stand and go drink and watch Netflix.

It's Friday.
I had both doughnuts and white castle for breakfast.
And I received three presents today (including whisky) for absolutely no reason.
I'm good with it.... it's been a long week.

Here's to the weekend. Cheers, y'all.

Book em' Dano.... you don't like it?!.... I don't like it.... I think it's catchy.

I mentioned that I was watching Hawaii Five-O awhile back and back then I was only on season two. (And by "back then" I mean fifteen days ago). Now, I am about halfway through season five and still going strong. Do you know how rare it is for me to get into a series like this and actually keep interest long enough to get into season five? I mean, damn, Gina.

I've been trying to watch The Walking Dead for four years or so and I've given up on NUMEROUS series. Sure, I've finished the occasional- It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The League, Sirens, and I've finished "seasons" of shows.

But the fact that I usually give up somewhere between season two and three of a series is a given.

I once decided to watch all eight seasons of that show Dexter and I actually made it to the eighth season.... and with ten episodes in the ENTIRE series left.... I quit. Literally, I just stopped watching it and that was around four or five years ago (I think?) and I don't honestly remember enough to go back and finish, I would have to start completely over. And that's a no from me (for now).

And with Hawaii Five-O, I'm currently on Season Five, Episode Thirteen.

I felt that since I'm this far in and actually want to keep watching the show, not just forcing myself to watch it, that I should tell you some of my feelings thus far (but dear lord, not all of them, because there would be too many, because I have ALOT of feelings concerning this show).... with 105 episodes under my belt.

-I agree with Danny and Steve is a big soft cookie (all warm and gooey on the inside) and I want him to be happy and somebody to not break his heart and love him (other than Danny, which I am also ok with).

-Danny's ex-wife is a bitch and I don't like how she always uses their child to her advantage and demeans his role as a well-meaning and purely good father.
-Watching Steve strap Mary's baby to his chest and take care of her (including with the "sun hat") was adorable.
-Wo Fat lived way longer than any one man ever should have and I'm super glad that Steve shot him in the face, because that man was NOTHING BUT TROUBLE.
-I knew Jenna Kaye couldn't be trusted. (I based this entirely on the fact that she played Bianca in 10 Things I Hate About You).
-I was really #TeamCatherine and I loved her character and how badass she was and now I kind of want to kick her in the face for breaking Steve's little baby, cookie heart.
-(Speaking of pain in the ass woman that are in Steve's life) Doris is a pain in the ass and while she says "I'm doing it to help, I'm doing it to protect you, yadda yadda" that she's actually no help at all and only makes more trouble.
-Every single episode should have Kamekona in it and that's not a suggestion, that's a fact.
-I didn't think that I was gonna like Lou in the beginning.... but I'm glad I was wrong and he changed my mind.
-Lori Weston and Steve had a little "connection" and I was mostly against it, because I loved Catherine, but now knowing how Catherine turned out, I'm rooting for Lori again. (Plus, she was funny).
-If they don't quit torturing Steve, I'm gonna lose my shit.
-I want to trust Joe White, but I also don't trust Joe White as far as I can throw him.
-Kono is a certified badass and the fact that she not only chased the love of her life around the world (when he could've just been dead the entire time), but that she continues to kick "gang" ass is amazing.
-Protective Steve is the best Steve.
-Grace is adorable and they don't show her with Danno and Uncle Steve enough.
-Steve saving Danny's life and then Danny saving Steve's life is what I'm here for!!
-Terrorist hacker or not, I can't take a Jonas Brother seriously.
-Y'all, Chin Ho Kelly needs a damn break already! People have literally not stopped with this guy since the show started. (Although, I guess that's fair with all of the characters).
-Can we just talk about how sweet it was that when Kono missed her graduation that the guys (Steve, Danny, and Chin) threw her an impromptu one?!
-I like Hawaii Danny better than I think I would like Jersey Danny.
-This girlfriend of Danny's (Amber) is my favorite compared to the other girlfriend (Gabby) and his ex-wife (Rachel).
-Danny 150% told that guy he was going to kill him very soon for killing his brother.... and watching Danny in that scene was HEARTBREAKING.
-Now that I think about it.... alot of these scenes are heartbreaking.
-I want more of Danny's pain in the ass nephew Eric.
-Steve should have to be in uniform all. the. time. Danno should have to be in "relaxed" clothing all. the. time.
-Steve can give a speech like a motherf*cker.
-I like the second Governor better than the first.
-High ranking Military man: "You're going to have to step out." Danny: "Uh no, I'm gonna stay right here." High ranking Military man: "Excuse me?!!?!" Danny: "Yeah, see.... I'm not a soldier so you have no authority over me. So, I'm gonna stay right here with my boy." Me: "HAHAHAHHHAAA, YEEESSSSS, GGGOOOOO DDDANNNNYYY WWILLIAMS!!!"
-Steve and Danny should ride around in that tiny red toy car more often.
-How dare they let Chin Ho have that teeny tiny moment of happiness (marrying Malia) and then ripping it away even faster than it began (when she was murdered). Side note: Props to Adam for saving Kono, though.
-Oh, paranoid, but still mostly right Jerry.
-Of course, Daryl Dixon and Spike played International Fugitive brothers. *shaking my damn head*
-The "carguments" in this show would be severely missed.

You can always count on your real friends to remember.

I can feel the hatred that I have for this day (this day being a Monday) deep in my soul.
But I still had to come into work like an adult.
No worries, my friends find ways to get me through these kinds of days.

Every single friend in my entire life:

"Hey, I found this really old and questionable picture of Katie that makes us all remember how much of a dork she has always been.... let's go ahead and post that right now."

Courtesy of Krista (JB's wife) on FB 1/22/18 (circa 2002....2003?!)

LaCroix.... yeah, that's definitely gonna be a no for me.

I should know better than to try and replace something that I love in my life with something that I'm unsure of.

You see, I'm basically the essential guide to "old and set in her ways" without actually being old. I'm only twenty-seven (twenty-eight next month) and while that's not a teenager, it's still fairly young. Let me say it again, I'M YOUNG, DAMMIT.

Recently I've decided that it would probably be a good idea to try and make tiny changes to maybe make myself either be a little bit healthier, or at the very least, feel a little bit healthier. It's not one of those "resolution" type of things, as I started thinking about it long before the new year.

I don't want to make any big changes or anything, because I basically like everything that I already do, eat, say, etc., but I thought a couple of small changes couldn't hurt.

The biggest small change (shut up, it's a thing) that I've been rolling around in my head is that I should cut out soda from my life. Now listen, I know that doesn't sound like a huge change, BUT I love soda. Granted, I'm not picky about what I drink by any means and I love many other beverages, but the fact that soda is my go-to is just a plain fact.

I'm not sure what it is about soda, but I'm assuming that it's all of the deliciousness smooshed into a can or bottle (or soda fountain!).... and maybe it has crack in it and we just don't know it yet?!!?!

I heard somewhere that if you're trying to give up soda that replacing it with flavored sparkling water was a great way to help, because it combines two things that most people miss with soda: flavoring (alot of people don't like the taste of "plain" water) and carbonation.

With that in mind, when I went to the grocery store yesterday I went ahead and picked up a pack of LaCroix flavored sparkling water (cherry lime). I let it stay in the fridge for hours, because I figured it would be better cold and then I cracked a can of it open.... and almost puked.

Y'all, I don't know if it's the brand, the flavor, the fact that it's sparkling water or what, but it was DISGUSTING. It tastes like when you get a coke out of the fountain with ice and there's only carbonation and no flavoring in it and when you drink it you want to puke. And that's really surprising to me, because I've seen people rave about this stuff over and over again (hence the idea of trying it in the first damn place.... y'all are liars and I don't know how you can like it!).

I didn't even finish the can I opened, I actually took two sips and poured that shit down the drain. Now, I have seven cans (they come in an eight pack) that I'm just going to have to get rid of, because I'm not drinking it and try to find something else to replace soda. (Says the girl that's drinking a coke right now).

This is a shit show and it needs to take a step back. *insert eyeroll here*

Y'all, it's currently -4° outside and teenagers won't quit eating Tide Laundry Pods. WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING?!!

Didn't we all agree that we weren't going to have another year like 2017 (or 2016, for that matter)? I feel like we all got together and collectively agreed on this. We all said that we were going to try to take things easier, slow down a little bit, try not to have so much bad, and get to the bottom of our issues and solve them like adults.

And now, here we are. IN THIS SHIT SHOW THAT WE CALL JANUARY 2018.

Did I mention that people are eating laundry detergent? I'm sorry if I keep bringing it up, but I literally can't get over the fact that people are being this stupid. Also, how are they affording this ridiculous habit? Washing powder is expensive, dammit! (How old did I just sound right there?!)

I would like to say that it's moments like these that make me want to stay indoors and avoid the outside world and people in general.... but if I'm being perfectly honest, I feel like that the majority of the time either way.

Do y'all know what my friends and I were doing as teenagers?! I mean, I can't go into specifics, because we all made a pact to NEVER speak of some of that shit ever again (ah, the days before social media) and we did stupid shit, but we DIDN'T EAT LAUNDRY DETERGENT.

Although, one time a friend of mine's brother ate some old gum off the school bus floor, but that's just because he was kind of strange (and apparently, hungry?). I feel like that's not on the same level. You might think it is, but I would have to disagree.

My point is, can we stop with all of this ridiculousness (the situation, not the show, because I love me some Rob Dyrdek) and maybe I don't know....NOT LET THIS BE KNOWN AS THE YEAR THAT PEOPLE DIED FROM CONSTANTLY EATING LAUNDRY DETERGENT?!!?! Here's to hoping.... come on, 2018, we're rooting for you (and us by extension).

Pick a Headline: "Baltimore man shoots at wife and daughter over grilled cheese sandwich, barricades himself in home and has standoff with police."

This morning on our office radio, the hosts were playing a game called "overreaction or not?" They listed some of the things that have happened in the last week and decided if the person was justified in their reactions or not.

Some of the things listed were: "Man has to tear down garage, because vindictive neighbor calls the city" (did he not know that was going to happen?), "Woman stabs niece in ear with screwdriver over a game of Monopoly" (yes, that's an overreaction), but the very first one takes the cake and leaves you saying WTF?!

"Man shoots at wife and daughter, because someone took a bite of his grilled cheese sandwich."

Apparently, once the man found that someone had take a bite of his sandwich, he discharged his gun in his home (thankfully, striking no one) and his wife managed to call the police.

After they arrived, the woman and daughter came running out of the house, but the man decided to have a four hour standoff with police, before "surrendering peacefully."

Surrendering peacefully? I mean, I guess that's the best that you can hope for with a standoff.... right?!

No one really knows if it was the daughter or wife that took a bite of the sandwich, and the only thing I'm thinking is.... is that really the most important question here?! Leave it to the press and all of that investigative journalism to get the important facts. *insert eye roll here*

I don't even know how there was a debate on if this was an overreaction or not. I mean, I get it, you're pissed, because someone took a bite of your sandwich and grilled cheese are delicious.... but you seriously think you need to shoot a gun off in the house to get your point across?

I know he didn't hit anyone, but he very well could have. Thankfully, this dude is being held for psychiatric evaluation.

Side note: this is not a "stance on gun control" or anything like that. I don't have anything against guns, in fact, I find them useful for many purposes (like hunting). I do, however, have a problem with idiots like this guy.

My irrational fears: Sharks and why I fear the ocean out of respect.

Someone asked me one time what I was scared of. Afterall, some people are scared of spiders or small spaces, others clowns, and honestly the list just keeps going on. I couldn’t think of anything off the top of my head, so I let them know I wasn’t sure.

Of course, jokes were made that “I wasn’t scared of anything” and I “must be related to John Rambo” but the truth is, there are things that scare me. I just needed a minute to think them through.

You see, I have fears that are a little.... how should I say this?.... we'll go with odd. I wouldn’t say I’m the oddest given the fact that some people are afraid of cellophane, but that’s neither here nor there.

My list of fears include: ventriloquist dummies, outer space, falling from high places (I’m not actually afraid of heights, but I am afraid of falling from somewhere high), Freddy Kreuger.... and sharks.

Actually, if I’m being fair, the entire ocean in general petrifies me, but I’m sticking with sharks on this go around. I’m not sure why, when I was a kid I loved swimming out and would go out pretty far. I wasn’t in the same skill set as an Olympic swimmer or anything, but I was decent enough. My brother, cousins, friends, and I used to horse around out there with no more than a half thought. We would all be out there for HOURS and never once did we think about being eaten alive.

And now? It seems the older I get, the more bodies of water sharks terrify me.

It probably doesn’t help that some of my favorite movies include sharks (have y’all seen Deep Blue Sea?), and that I won’t stop watching them, even though clearly it’s becoming a problem. (Anxiety, amirite?!).

So, what does my dumbass do even though it could potentially give me heart failure?! Well, I watched a particularly terrifying movie that was literally my worst f*cking nightmare crammed into 85 minutes.... 47 Meters Down.

Yeah, because that isn’t my greatest fear come true.

You know what I learned from this movie?! I learned that #1: You NEVER trust a man named Taylor and #2: If you have a fear and your gut is telling you to not do that shit, then you should probably listen to yourself and NOT do it.

Also, if you have a fear of sharks that takes you to the point of hyperventilation.... you should probably be smarter than me and stop watching shark movies. You know, those who can't do, teach, and such.

Things that would have been nice to know.... but what I know instead.

Have y'all ever thought to yourselves: "if only I could get rid of some of this useless information, I would have so much more room for stuff I actually want to know"?

For instance, instead of being able to do taxes and fill out a money order properly in school, they made me learn where the cells in a leaf lie (they're sandwiched in between two layers of epidermal cells, in case you want to know). And guess how useful that information has been throughout my life? Aside from bringing it up right here and now to make my point, IT HAS LITERALLY NEVER COME UP IN MY DAILY LIFE.

Granted, I am only twenty-seven (twenty-eight next month.... oy vey, I'm getting old), but I don't foresee a whole lot of situations down the road where I'm going to need to know this.

Sure, I learned how to do all of those things for myself, but it would have been nice for just one day a teacher to have set us down in any of the years we were there (at least K-12) and be like: "look you little shits, this is what you're learning, because you're not going to be able to function as an adult without it." That would have been some really nice information to have going forward.

Personally, I would rather shoot myself in the foot as opposed to teaching teenagers how to do taxes, or small children the importance of diplomacy, but that's why I didn't choose a career in education (among so many other reasons, but I commend y'all for what you can do #underappreciated).

If I could clear my head of lyrics from every single album of New Kids On The Block, NSYNC, and the Backstreet Boys from 1986 to 2002 then I could probably have room for some really important information that could help me cure an ongoing disease or something. I mean, I probably still wouldn't be smart enough to cure cancer or anything, but I could probably make late stage neurosyphilis pretty tolerable.

There is not a damn thing that I could tell you about Quantum Physics, but I can tell you that Lily Collins and Jamie Campbell Bower belong together. I can also tell you that there's no hyphen in between Campbell and Bower, but I can't actually tell you how to accomplish a field in chemical engineering.

I took all the English and grammar classes known to mankind to learn how to properly structure a paragraph and use correct comma placement and punctuation, but had I known that the world was going to devolve into mass chaos that doesn't care if what they're using is even a legitimate word or not (when did everyone just start abbreviating everything and taking out letters just because?), I could have probably saved that brain space for more pertinent information like "how to survive the next generation." If you want to abbreviate something, that's fine. Use "legit" instead of "legitimate" but have a stopping point.

If I removed all the plot points from every single Terminator movie out of my brainstem I could probably have the space to store the information that tells me how a brainstem actually functions.

What's that old meme saying? "I'm glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It's really come in handy this parallelogram season." And as I said when we were discussing the leaf cells, I eventually learned how to do my own taxes as an adult, BUT I still can't believe that they just send you out into the world with no clue. Blows my mind.

Speaking of blowing a mind: I can tell you that John McClane's catchphrase is, "Yippee-ki-yay, motherf*cker" but I am not actually smart enough to thwart a villain like Hans Gruber (#RIPAlanRickman).What I can offer you instead is an assortment of Charlie Day's greatest hits.

I thought that I had a decent enough grasp on math to get me through life, but then I started at the job I have now and quickly learned that I KNEW NOTHING. Sure, I've learned over the years, but the fact that that I was thrust into the world with rudimentary math skills is insane. I know all about long division, but can I actually read a categorized bank statement for an entire company? I'm working on it.... it's a process.

My point is, I have all of this useless information just banging around in my head, but it would probably be wiser to clear some of it out to make room for actual important information?

You know what.... screw that. I'd rather be able to bust out into "Step by Step." I'm too old and set in my ways at this point to turn back now. "Step by step, oh, baby, gonna get to you, girl... Step by step, oh, baby, really want you in my world... Step! Hey, girl, in your eyes I see your picture of me all the time..."

I'm knee-deep into bingeing and mad that I have to break to do adult things.

While we were living with Aunt Poot and Uncle D, they got me hooked on a few shows (like I needed any more shows to obsess about, but alas, here we are). I stopped watching a few after we moved back into our own place (sorry, Bull), but a few of them stuck around with me.

Most notably, Aunt Poot and I started the show SWAT together and I continue with it, MacGyver (how did I not know about this beforehand?!), picked Scorpion back up, and.... Hawaii Five-O.

Side note: Also, how have I not got into Hawaii Five-O before now? I am a HUGE Scott Caan fan ("Tweeder drank beers, because, well, Tweeder drinks beer") and I liked the other guy (Alex O'Loughlin) in that one episode of Criminal Minds, The Back-up Plan (holy hell, so damn hilarious!), and some other things I've seen him in, so what up?

Now I watch all of these shows regularly each week, but the thing is.... SWAT just started, I only missed half of a season with Scorpion, and MacGyver is only on its second season. Hawaii Five-O is currently on its eighth season, which means that I was SEVEN seasons behind. Don't get me wrong, I still love it, but I wanted to be in on the inside jokes too.

That's when I discovered that seasons one through seven were all available for streaming on Netflix and needless to say, that's what I've been doing lately. I have two episodes left in the second season and then I'll be heading into the third (while still watching the eighth weekly). It cracks me up on the regular and since I'm this far in I thought I'd share some of the things that have cracked me up in just the (almost) two season thus far.

*McGarrett and Weston race up the Koko Head Stairs, Weston falls and hurts her ankle, Steve carries her down to the paramedics, they reconvene in the office later with Weston on crutches*

Danny: "Oh no, Gimpy, I got this one." Weston: "See?! Chivalry isn't dead." McGarrett: "I carried you down a mountain!"

*McGarrett and Danny arguing over Danny introducing Grace to his new girlfriend*

Steve: "Don't you want Grace to know you're happy?! You're her Daddy." Danny: "Hey. I am happy." Steve: "You're never happy." Danny: "I'm happy when I'm not around you." McGarrett: "That's a lie, too. You love me."

*while McGarrett and Danny are being "covert" and stealing information*

Danny: "I was still playing Ms. Pacman." McGarrett: "Oh, yeah? You ever make it to double pretzel level?" Danny: "Triple banana, bitch." McGarrett: "You're a liar."

You can't talk us into shit just because we're bored anymore.

Being a woman in 2018 is strange. (And yes, I know we're only five days in, BUT I'm fairly certain that all my ladies out there will agree, because being a woman in 2017 was strange, as well).

We're somewhere between our "old fashioned" ways and "we can do what we want because we are women hear us roar!"

By old fashioned I mean, some women like having the role of mother, wife, and even "lady".... but society has managed to once again spin it around. You see, if you don't do those things half of society thinks low of you, because "a woman has a certain role" and if you actually like having that role in your life, the other half of society says that you are against feminism and that people like you are "the problem."

That's right. The same people that say "woman can do whatever they like because that's the world we live in now" are also the same people that condemn said women if they choose to settle into the more "traditional" role. Whether that's what you enjoy or how you feel, you're made to feel ashamed for it.

I'm probably the worst female on the planet, because I'm somewhere between "huh?" and "ugh" on a pretty consistent basis.... and I wake up with my eyebrows already on my face. (Another story for another day).

You see, I think that women getting to be equal and not be discriminated against solely on account of their gender is fantastic. And the fact that women have lobbied for this and spent their entire lives devoted to it should go to show that it has definitely been a struggle (they weren't called "suffragettes" for nothing). But like with all things in life, there are always struggles and sometimes things just aren't fair. That's why we have all of these amazing women (and men for that matter) trying to rectify this. And I think that's so amazing and I am so appreciative of it.

But.... I also think that if a woman enjoys her life of being a "stay at home mother" or "wife" or basically anything that people attribute to "old fashioned" then that's what she should be and do. Why would I want to condemn someone for their choice when the same people condemning them are saying "you can choose and do anything, there's no wrong answer" right before that? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Then again, there are things that are still happening and you're like, are we really still doing this shit? It's 2018 for f*cks sake.

I'm a fairly sarcastic person. I think what I think, and act how I act, but I was raised in the deep south and to say that my mouth has gotten me into some trouble would be an understatement. In case you're wondering what that means, it means women had a certain "role" to take part in. They were supposed to be prim, and proper, and were supposed to be the equivalent of "seen but not heard." Women were supposed to want to be a mother and a wife, supposed to take part in beauty pageants, not use foul language and to show up to church at least twice a week, if not more.

Well.... I was in one beauty pageant in my life and refused to ever take part in one again, because everything was uncomfortable and I almost puked everywhere while walking down the runway (and it was at a county fair). I've never wanted to have kids and the thought of being married makes me roll my eyes. I went to church when I was younger, but knowing what I knew about the people in town (it was a teeny tiny little holler town), it felt hypocritical after a while. Finally, one of the little ladies that I used to take care of in the nursing home used to tell everybody that I "had the face of an angel.... and the mouth of a sailor."

And that's just the way I am and I'm 100% ok with that. I have no problem with being myself and people either liking or disliking me for these qualities. I don't hurt people, I try to help when I can, and while I use sarcasm for every aspect of my life, when it's time to be serious, I am also serious.... but sarcasm is definitely my defining personality trait.

That includes when people say things that I either don't agree with, think are stupid, or makes me lose faith in humanity. Stupid shit like:

Office Guy: "Yeah, he'll be talking himself into some panties real soon." Me: "Not if he has game like his dad he won't."

You see what I mean with this? There are very few things that "outrage" me and this certainly isn't one of them, but it does make me continuously roll my eyes, because how are people still this much of a pain in the ass? As one of the very few female employees that work at my company, I hear plenty of things that people would put into the category of "guy talk" or "shop talk" that would probably offend most people. But I'm not usually offended, because as I said, I'm sarcastic and make crude jokes myself. In fact, I'm pretty damn hilarious.... like a female Dave Chappelle (just go with this).

I'm not trying to be one of those "you can't do that, but I can" kind of people. I'm just trying to explain myself in this day and age.... and doing a HORRIBLE JOB AT IT.

I don't think that I can be a "good feminist" because I like things that I think you're supposed to be against? Like, I make crude jokes, and watch action movies, I like it when guys give me their coat and hold my hand and bring me flowers and open car doors for me.

And I don't know if that's allowed. I don't know the "rules" and if there really are even "rules" to begin with. I want to feel like an empowered woman, and I want the amazing women around me to feel that too, and to be able to live their best lives with their best sense of selves, but I also want to be able to like the things that I do without trying to hide behind them, because of society's judgements. Because in the end, no matter what they're judging you for, it's still technically a judgement.... right?!

Basically, I want to be able to love the fact that my guy friend always gave me his coat when I was cold, but still be able to look at the guy in our office and be like, "Dude, you can't just talk us into shit like it's 1921. Women don't work like that. In fact, women have never worked like that, we just weren't aware there was another option for a while.We don't have to define ourselves by marriage, we don't have to be engaged at seventeen so we can have babies by eighteen. We don't have to be dependant on a man, because we're allowed to hold full time jobs and work just as hard if not harder than any man. You don't get to grab us or talk to us like you have all the authority, because no means no, asshole. We can run this shit just fine on our own, because you might have the parts, but we're more "man" than you'll ever be. We can handle our own shit. Also, f*ck you, we have Netflix now, which means that we can find other ways to be complacent in our boredom. BITCH."

Yeah, that. Just all of that.

I think I could make a pretty fancy beer funnel out of that.

As I'm sure most people know (the ones that follow along with my life and listen to my incessant rambling at least), Momma had to have emergency/life saving/altering surgery back in July 2017 and ever since that time she has been a real trooper.

Sure, she's had her good days and her bad days.... but we all have those. Her good days have far outnumbered the bad and for the most part she's felt really good. Just a little cold or headache on occasion, like us all.

We figured this winter was going to be hard on her, because it is the first "cold season" that she'll be dealing with now that she has an amputation. Although we tried to be as prepared as we could, this winter has been unusually cold for the Midwest (seriously, it's supposed to be -20° tomorrow morning and it's already -8° degrees today), so it's been a bit more of a struggle. She's usually pretty good if she can stay in and has her meds on time, but you can't just stay in the house 24/7 (although, I'm so cold right now that sounds pretty damn sweet), so some days she's more achy than others.

But, as always, she's a real trooper and is taken it all as it comes at her. I don't think she'll ever know how much I love her and how proud I am.

Today was one of those "special" days that you hear about when it comes to a surgery like she had. Because today, on this cold mother-f*cking Thursday.... she got her prosthetic.

I didn't get to go with her to the doctor, because I had to work, but on the first day she got to walk again, I was 100% there (and cried a little). She text me as soon as she got out of the doctor's office and when I got home she did a lap around the house with me. (She's only allowed to wear it for two hours a day for now as she adjusts to it and practices).

Her and I usually get through all things in life with.... sarcasm. I know, you never would have guessed that with me, but it's true. (And yeah, you probably already knew that). So, whenever we can we joke and laugh. Which lead to this conversation:

Momma: "Puss, look at my prosthetic." Me: "Wow, Momma.... that's pretty nice." Momma: "I know. What do you think?" Me: "I think I could make a pretty decent beer funnel out of that." Momma: "No, Katherine Diane! You CANNOT convert my prosthetic into a fancy beer funnel!" Me: "Uh huh, you're really regretting that whole encouraging my creative side when I was a child thing now huh?!" She laughed, I laughed, and it was a great thing to share.

And with that, my friends, I'm out.

Is Global Warming supposed to be this damn cold?!

Y'all.... it's the third day of January and I have been frozen for the last three weeks (at least). Don't get me wrong, I understand that it's supposed to be freezing ass cold in these parts at this time of year, BUT COME ON.

I live in Indiana, NOT BARROW, ALASKA.

And I'm usually good with winter.... you know, since I DEFINITELY have more of a "winter body" as opposed to a "summer body."

Side note: This gal right here loves junk food, booze, and Netflix more than she'll ever love juice cleanses, cardio, and bikinis.

It got up to a whole twenty degrees today (I can't tell it), but for the last few days it hasn't creeped up to over three degrees. Some days, it was even less than that (we're talking negative numbers, people).

At one point, it was -11° and I didn't even screenshot it, because MY FINGERS WERE TOO COLD TO WORK.

Sure, I could be mature about this.... afterall, I just got back from having four days off and practically living in pajamas.

BUT, I've been sick for the last three days and I blame one of my co-workers. (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE).

Besides, having four days off doesn't change the fact that my bitch ass had to pull itself away from Lieutenant Commander Steven J. "Steve" McGarrett and Detective Sergeant Danny "Danno" Williams (aka, #ForeverTweederToMe) this morning to trudge through the snow, ice, and frigid temperatures to arrive at work and want to jump out of our two-story window now did it? NO IT DID NOT.

I just keep reminding myself that it's just the rest of today and a couple more and then off for two more days of trying to avoid going outside at all costs.

Side note: I've taken so much cold medicine at this point that I'm not supposed to be "operating heavy machinery" which means that I can't drive the forklift at work, but my teeny little Ford Fiesta is probably ok.... right?! Yes? No?! Get back to me on that.