Monday, February 27, 2017

I watched the first season of Breaking Bad.... finally.

And holy shit, was I in for some unexpected turns and "wtf" moments. I know that the series ended in 2013, but once again, I'm late to the party. Just think, if you're late to the party you get to take home all of the awesome leftovers.... right?! NO?! That's not a thing? Huh, no wonder I'm not invited to parties anymore.

Remember back in October when I made a list of shows that I had started watching or had mentally put on the list to start watching? I was at various stages with all of them, but I made the comment that I had watched the first season of Breaking Bad.

I think that I must've made that up, because in no way shape or form did I remember anything as it was happening. I think that I must've read about all of these things somewhere (again, the show DID end in 2013), because it's like watching a completely new show with a million twists and turns.

Again, I do know some of the things that are going to happen (my poor baby, Jesse.... what does it say about me that I have a crush on a fictional thug/meth manufacturer? Screw it, at least it's only a fictional version and not in my actual life. #winning), but I think that it's going to be fun to get to live this story after so much of the hype has settles down.

It's still one of the most raved about series in television history.... and they weren't lying when they classified it as a DRAMA, but it just seems better to watch now.

(I don't know why, but just go with it.). The weather dropped this past weekend (what is even happening with Mother Nature these days?!), so we pretty much stayed inside and chilled (no pun intended). With the exception of going out once (we ran the errands that we had Friday so we could remain inside) to grab a burger (we went through the drive-thru and then came straight home to eat our food) and being on edge that we were gonna have to go out, because Greg's gf was in labor (don't worry, she was at her own house- and they are going to induce her labor at 5am Wednesday morning), it was a kick back and relax kind of weekend (my favorite kind.).

Between watching episodes of It's Always Sunny (I will never get tired of watching that show, I have seen every episode at least four times and some even more than that) and cooking/baking snack food, I decided to give Breaking Bad a go (since I just can't seem to get in the groove with The Walking Dead- I'm on Season03Episode13 and have been FOREVER).... and I ended up watching the entire first season yesterday (Sunday- also, I have no plans to quit on it anytime soon.).

And I'm not even a little bit sorry about it.... bitch.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Not to be dramatic or anything (ha!).

Oh, don't mind me. I am just currently over here having an existential crisis. Also, I'm eating my weight in Mexican food, watching It's Always Sunny on Netflix (holla!), and drinking wine like they're going to quit making it (I know, I shouldn't joke about such serious matters of life.).

An existential crisis: is a moment at which an individual questions the very foundations of their life; whether this life has any meaning, purpose, or value. This issue of the meaning and purpose of existence is the topic of the philosophical school of existentialism.

And why am I having this current existential crisis of mine? Well, to put it plain and simple, my entire reasoning for this is none other than the same thing that every woman at one point or another goes through..... my hair.

And yes, contrary to popular belief, that's a real thing! (No, it's not- I'm just overtly dramatic.).

You see, I have long hair. Like, incredibly long hair. We're talking down to my ass and giant. My hair that is, not my ass. Although, if we're being honest, my ass is pretty giant too.... moving on.

I've went back and forth between short-medium-long hair for as long as I can remember. I always think that I'm going to love a short little hairstyle.... and then, I get said short little hairstyle and I usually fall somewhere between yay and the brink of tears. It's a fine line. My hair is currently longer than it has ever been (and in desperate need of a trim) and most days I don't do anything to it with the exception of brushing and pulling it up.... because I simply don't have the mindset or effort to tame and/or style it. This is the reason that for years I found myself in the cushy spot of having "medium-length" hair.

It seemed like a reasonable compromise. It was short enough to the point of me "styling" (beautician, I am not) it more often than usual, but still long enough to pull back for work (waitressing; cna'ing) and when I had been drinking (am I the only one that gets hot when they have a drink or two.... or six?).

But then I decided to grow it out. I had reasoning for it (that reasoning probably following along the lines of the last horrible "shortish" hair cut that I got), but I just don't feel good about it anymore. I always think that short hair is a wonderful idea, but then the dreamer/unrealistic gal in my head screams, but all the ladies in the books you read have long/flowing/beautiful hair. Because clearly if I have long hair I'm going to get to live out my favorite novels.

That's not ridiculous or unrealistic, at all.

But then I think, I am a strong/confident/grown ass woman that isn't going to be defined by anything, especially something as silly as hair! Shave it all off for all I care!! And then I remember that Charlize Theron or Natalie Portman, I am not.... and sit the f*ck back down.

For a long while now (four? five? more? years), I've wanted to just throw caution completely to the wind and get one of those pixie cuts. I love them and they seem so easy and cute, all at once. They practically sound made for me.... we've all seen how I dress at all times when I don't have to be at work, and I am most definitely comfort/what I like over fashion and/or decency. I'm like a one woman walking/talking daily episode of "What Not to Wear" (anybody besides me miss that show?).

I would love to get one and donate my hair to one of those amazing charities that make wigs for sick kids (I'm not completely heartless), but then I chicken out and can't manage to bring myself to try it. I feel like most of the women that get those cuts (rock em, girl!) do it on a whim and that they're carefree individuals that live by their own rules. I want to be that type of girl, but I am WAY more Sheila Hammond (before turning into a zombie) about it.

I.e: "Jennifer Lawrence cut all of her hair off again. People don't like it like that, but she doesn't care. She's so bold.... I want to be that bold. Am I that bold? No, no I'm not. I would like to be 20% more bold. No, more.... 80% more bold. No, that's too much."

(Also, if you haven't given Santa Clarita Diet on Netflix a try, I suggest that you do sooner rather than later. I ended up binge-watching the first season over a couple of days- it would've taken less time, but I have to be an adult on occasion, boo!- and I loved it. Hilarious just isn't even the word for it.).

But then again, my hair is so long that when I straighten it (trust me, you do not want to see my unruly natural hair.... unless you follow me on Instagram, in which case you already have) that it almost reaches down to my butt. And frankly, that's an accomplishment for me, because I have a very short attention span. Maybe I'll get one of those pixie cuts one of these days.... maybe after I lose like, I don't know, fifty pounds. So clearly, I have time to spare.

(On a totally unrelated note, we watched Hacksaw Ridge last night and holy hell, that is an incredible movie. I recommend it to any and everyone. I'll write more about it sometime, but if you want to watch something great (Andrew Garfield, Vince Vaughn, Luke Bracey, and every guy in it absolutely kill their roles) and you're a fan of Mel Gibson's directing (I'm also a pretty big Mel Gibson fan), watch this. And if you're not, watch it anyway. The fact that it is a true story is even more breathtaking.).

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

When you're over the stress of the world.

For months now (maybe even the last year or two), people have really been on edge. And not the normal kind of "on edge" but on edge plus steroids. Being in our second month of 2017 hasn't seemed to lighten the load of it all either. I think people were hoping that a new year would make people think of new opportunities and inspire in them goodness and hope. Hope for the present and the future.

Unfortunately, people suck and that isn't what happened in the least little bit.

Instead, things have only gotten.... not worse.... but certainly not better. People just can't seem to let anything go for five minutes and just enjoy life. I understand there are problems in the world and issues that need to be addressed immediately, but don't you think that would be easier if people were just a little bit more.... relaxed?

With that in mind, I have taken it upon myself to offer alternatives to your constant worry and ensure that we have a little fun to go with all of our dread.  

Forget Donald Trump (whether you're team or anti) for two seconds and lets go have some nachos.

And by let's go, I mean I want to bring nachos to my house and eat them while binge-watching It's Always Sunny on Netflix, because some bitches won't go on and release Stranger Things: Season 2 yet.... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Hold off on the Beyonce talk and come enjoy a breakfast bar with me.

You don't even have to eat these particular breakfast bars (Nature Valley Soft-Baked Oatmeal Squares in Banana Bread/Dark Chocolate) for breakfast.... they're more snack bars and taste exactly like chocolate covered bananas. Don't like bananas? I got you covered.... anyone want a little bite of a coffee cake snack bar?

Stop worrying about the outcome of Superbowl LI and we'll talk about the highlight of the NFL.

And the highlight is, the fact that you get to see Rob Gronkowski in football pants on the regular. Say what you want about the Patriots, but they have one fine ass Tight-End. I'm not a Patriots fan.... but I am most definitely a R. Gronkowski fan.

Do you think that you weigh a bit more than you should? Let that shit go.

Dude, you are perfect just the way you are. If you want to lose a little bit of weight for your health, I got your back.... but if you want to lose weight to conform to societies standards, to hell with that. I'll help you tell those people to piss off and we'll go get a pizza.

Quit being upset about who died on the season seven premiere of The Walking Dead.

Wait, you know what.... screw that, I'm still pissed, we can continue to be pissed off over this. But instead of being solely pissed off, we'll get together with wine and junk food while we catch up on previous seasons via Netflix.

A lot of my suggestions are just food, alcohol, and Netflix. But really, do you need more? Let's be responsible adults (ha!) and just put off our problems for a little while. They'll still be there tomorrow, and that sounds like a problem for Future Katie and Future (insert your name here).

Come on, weekend.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Yesterday was.... I feel like I'm forgetting something.

Yesterday (2/13) was my birthday. My twenty-seventh birthday. I am officially old as shit. And I don't even care. About the being old as shit part, I cared that it was my birthday.... ok, no I didn't care that it was my birthday, but people tend to have a way of making you feel special.

And by people, I mean your loved ones.... especially your mom.
Also, I found out that I have the same birthday as one of my absolute favorite bloggers/authors (ten years apart, so.... win?!).

Or, my mom, at least. Yesterday was pretty much the same as all the other days (work.... life.... trying to avoid the looming clouds of misery), with the exception that I was a year older than last. I had a normal work day and when I got home, Momma and Bubba took me out for supper (food = yum). I even drove and made Bubba put air in my tires....  because why in the hell not?! And then Momma and I spent the evening watching The Walking Dead and a documentary that I'm going to have to restart, because my attention span was minuscule last night. Also, FB.

Pertaining to the picture of Momma and I: She can't believe that her youngest is officially twenty-seven. Apparently, it was only yesterday that she told me to be nice to the boys on the playground and quit swinging upside down on the monkey bars while I was wearing a dress. She makes each Birthday the best and always better than the one before. I love you, Momma.

My thoughts on turning twenty-seven: 

Lady Gaga at twenty-seven: Multi-platinum recording artist, touring the world, raising awareness for anti-bullying campaigns, consistently banging Taylor Kinney on a regular basis. Me at twenty-seven: Where is it?! I know that shoe is around here somewhere. Twenty-seven, it is.

As for the flowers, Uncle Roger gave me those for Valentine's Day today (apparently people who aren't dead inside celebrate that?). And then, a couple of my favorite birthday notes from friends.... not all of them, but a few here and there. Here's to another year of keeping it real.

Real interesting and weird, that is.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

I didn't realize how blind I was.

Nor did I realize how big my nose is or how uneven my ears set. I'm not trying to be philosophical or anything, I literally didn't realize how bad my vision was. I knew that my eyes weren't exactly the best, but I had no clue about how much I was actually missing. I can actually read street signs now.

Because glasses.

I had to make an eye appointment last week and go in for an eye exam.... I have been having trouble with seeing far off for awhile now and everything was kind of blurry and fuzzy. I got the exam on Friday and picked up my glasses on Saturday (quick and painless, just how it should get to be).... I might have been able to get them on Friday, but their system was down and I would've had to pay 100% out of pocket without my insurance.... NO THANKS, I'LL COME BACK TOMORROW.

The tests were painless and my new optometrist explained to me why I'm so sensitive to light (I have large pupils and my eyes are so blue that they're almost translucent- his words, not mine- so that is the two highest strikes against eyes when it comes to dealing with light)- it's not going anywhere- and he informed me that when I'm not in the shower or sleeping, I have to wear my glasses. Like, we're talking a whole lot of wearing glasses.

Because my eyesight sucks and I'm a hazard- again, his words.

I would have talked about this sooner, but I had to drop a line or two about Superbowl LI (but mostly just to have an excuse to share a pic of Gronk). And for the first two days (Sat and Sun) my new glasses made me feel drunk.... and not in the good way.

I'll be twenty-seven in a few days and I'm chubby, have acne, and now have to wear glasses constantly.... it's like I'm reliving my awkward years and I call foul. I thought these things were supposed to improve with age, but apparently I was mistaken. In any event, I'm still getting used to these things (I won't be doing contacts, I'll just learn to live with glasses), but I don't feel quite as drunk today as I did the day before (it improves every day), so.... winning?!!

Monday, February 6, 2017

Superbowl LI (51).

Ok y'all, everybody and their momma are currently pissed off this morning (unless you're a Patriots fan), and I'm sure some are going to get into a brawl.... just an educated guess.

Last night was Superbowl LI (51) and the NE Patriots beat the Atlanta Falcons 34-28.

I watched the first half of the game with family (Momma and I went down to Poot's with her, Doodle, Ash, and Val) and stuck around for the half time show (Lady Gaga rocked that shit), and then we headed home, because we were tired and showers were needed before bed. (Not too mention, I'm a wimp and missed my puppy dog).

We switch hit the second half and to say that the Patriots made a "come back" in the second half would be a vast understatement. The Falcons were totally kicking ass in the first half (Atlanta21, Patriots3) of the game, but once halftime was over, shit went down. And by shit, I mean I don't even know what happened and neither does anyone else that was watching that game.

No matter if you're a Patriots fan, or a Falcons fan, the memes were on point.... and really, isn't that the most important thing?! Not to mention Gronkowski (who's been out since week 13 with a back injury) was looking damn good on those sidelines. I'm not a Pats fan, but I am most definitely a R. Gronkowski fan.

Tom Brady got sacked a whole bunch of times and the Falcons were on top of it (anyone see that beautiful interception?!). Matt Ryan had his head front in center in that game and the commercials/sneak peeks were awesome.... don't even pretend that you don't care about the previews and commercials (Terry Bradshaw's commercial was hilarious and we got a little sneak peek at Stranger Things season two, due out Halloween of this year- eek!).

And with football season being officially over, it's time for people to bitch about something else (even though they'll be pissed off at this game for years).

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

The Mandela Effect.

Have you guys heard of this thing called The Mandela Effect? If not, I'm here to tell you about it and ruin your entire f*cking life. Why?! Mostly because when I heard/read about it, it ruined my entire existence, so in turn, I have to ruin yours.

I know, it's a vicious little cycle of assholery.

Or, something like that. Let me give you a little definition: Back in 2013 when Nelson Mandela passed away (may he RIP), people were convinced that he had actually died back in the 80s while he was incarcerated in prison.... they even remember watching his televised funeral. Except, no they didn't, because that NEVER happened.

In fact, he lived an impressive life after he was released in 1990, going on to be the President of South Africa from 1994-1999 and uniting his nation through the help of a rugby team (watch Invictus, people). He passed away in 2013 after suffering with a prolonged respiratory infection (he had respiratory problems the majority of his life). It was a sad loss.... one that many people had already thought happened decades before. EXCEPT IT DIDN'T.

After this little "phenomena" where people decided to argue with facts versus their memories, a study was done. At least, I think a study of some sorts was done.... the point is, people started looking into it. And you would not believe some of the shit that people have thought up as a collective group.

AND I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. (And also, people are blaming it on an alternate reality or time travel? I'm not opposed to that idea as much as I am that people who have figured out how to time travel can't think of anything better to do than some of this shit. #SaveJohnConnor).

I'm clearly a proud product of the 90s. I enjoy grunge and flannel, Winona Ryder is my idol, I miss the days of Surge and powdered Bubbalicious, and let me tell you, there is just something about Ethan Hawke.

I say this, because one of mine and my brother's favorite movies to watch while we were kids in the 90s was Shazam. If you're wondering what that is, it's a movie wherein Sinbad plays a Genie.... or does he?! You see, my brother and I both distinctly remember this movie and could even quote it.... the only problem is, IT DOESN'T EXIST AND NEVER HAS.

Ummm, excuse me?!

That's right, no such movie exists. Never has. People remember it and love it, but it DOESN'T EVEN EXIST. What in the hell is this nonsense?

See 20 examples of The Mandela Effect.

My brother and I are not the only ones with this little affliction. There are many people that remember this non-existent film. Just like there are a bunch of people that remember reading The Berenstein Bears growing up.... except the Berenstein Bears DON'T EXIST either. No, it's the Berenstain (stupid) Bears and it always has been. Four year old Katie would disagree, but what does she know? She was watching pretend Sinbad.

The funny thing is, I know things to be true that other people completely disagree with. I always knew that it was "Interview with the Vampire" not "Interview with a Vampire" and I knew that Curious George NEVER had a tail.... but, I didn't realize that Jiffy peanut butter has never existed and sure, I knew "Life was like a box of chocolates" not "is" but I had no clue that people thought that the Mona Lisa has been altered.

WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!! Wait until I tell my brother about Sinbad.