It's not like we haven't already been playing the game the last few weeks.

It's always weird when a holiday that I get off work falls in the middle of the week. For instance, Independence Day was this past Thursday so work Mon-Wed... off Thursday... back to work on Friday. I'm not complaining by any means, because yes, give me all the days off while still being employed... but it still feels weird and throws shit off. Luckily, Dani is awesome and let me do a halfsie day on Friday (hoorah for her).

People do it big around us for the 4th. We've spent the last three weeks or so playing our annual neighborhood game of "gunfire or fireworks?" and people are still ringing it out.

While Dev fell asleep Thursday... with Sparkles faithfully under the covers hiding from the boom-boom... I sat outside with Xur and Steve for a bit watching the firework show the city puts on (our house was surrounded by the bright lights). It was relaxing and I sat out watching lights and contemplating life.

We decided to do it right come Saturday though. We needed it.

Last week was a clusterf*ck of anxiety and the weekend entailed stress-induced debilitation, so come Saturday... the Glisson's needed a little pick me up. We loaded our three babies up and headed over to Mavis's for the afternoon/evening. I mean... nothing says feel better than hanging out with your bestie couple friends, right? That's what we're going with.

Mavis was kid-free for the night (a rarity in their lives) so we loaded up all our pups (and one of theirs) and we all headed down to Prairie Creek to watch the firework show. Nothing says good time quite like watching fireworks on the lake with your hubby and babies.

We had a great time and didn't even make it home until almost two in the morning... because we're wild and do what we want! Really though... it's cause Mavis lives SO far away. And yes, I'm being a little dramatic but damn, I want those bitches to live closer... like... can y'all just be my neighbors already?

And that's how we spent our Saturday... hanging out, helping Mavis move a couch and watching fireworks. Because nothing says good time like fire in the sky.

💜The two pitifulest little pitties in all the land.💜

I love being a pup mama. People love to say shit like, "you don't know what it's like to have kids... dogs aren't the same thing!"

And maybe I don't... and maybe they aren't... but the way a bitch would have to eat a f*cking curb for coming at one of my babies ain't no joke. I love my babies and whether you choose to believe it or think it's weird... I am their mama.

And they love and treat me as such. I mean... COME ON. Look at those faces. How anyone could look into the face of any of the three of our pups and not fall in love with them... something would have to be extremely wrong with said person.

SERIOUSLY, LOOK AT THIS. 😍😍

The anxiety of making changes and moving forward in life.

Life has a funny way of surprising me. Not just me, of course... I'm sure that extends to alot of people... but I can only speak for myself. I talk... ramble... alot about my mental health and the things going on in my life. No matter what I'm feeling, it's always been easier for me to put pen to paper (or in this case- fingers to keyboard) and get everything out there as opposed to actually voicing it.

I've touched on topics from everything... losing my mother, unresolved childhood trauma, generational tomfuckery, if you will. But, I've never actually said absolutely everything out loud... whether that be using my voice or writing it down. Sure, I let people in little by little... but do I really let them in?

I would like to say that I do in fact let people in... but I don't. It's easy to let thoughts be out in the universe when you don't know the people. I can say, do or feel anything I want and there's no one directly in front of me to hash out judgment or fear or crank my anxiety through the roof.

I've recently learned that I don't "let people in" because I was very much raised with the mindset, "mind your business." That didn't include other peoples lives, only my own. If it happens in your life, especially in your house, then you simply don't tell people because it's not "their business."

Ask me if I'm ok? I'm fine.

How are things going? They're fine.

Anything new happen recently? Nope. Things are fine.

Everything's fine... everything's' good... there's nothing to worry about.

Shit is fucking exhausting. And I should know, because I've been doing it for thirty-four years. It's exhausting trying to hide things you don't have to hide and probably shouldn't hide. It's exhausting worrying about not saying anything to anyone so they can't misconstrue and attack you.

It's taken me a very long time to come to terms with... I don't want to be like that. It's taken even longer for me to come to terms with the fact that every single person that asks me if I'm ok, isn't out to "get me" nor do they have an ulterior motive. Sometimes, people genuinely just do care about you and want to help... if you'll let them.

But other times... people will taken advantage of you as long as you let them.

It's all about balance and truly finding "your people." And sometimes "your people" aren't necessarily who you've been lead to believe. 

There are times you can know or live with someone your entire life... you could think those people would never hurt you or would have your back in a pinch... but they don't. Sometimes those people are quite literally out to get all they can get and they simply don't care where that leaves you. They feel entitled to take advantage of your compassion and love. Always taking, never giving and constantly manipulating.

I love my mother. Lord knows... with every fiber of my being and ounce of my soul. She was my best friend and the person I loved the most. I would have walked to the ends of the earth for her and her approval... no matter what it cost me. 

BUT, if you were to ask me if I agreed with everything my mother did... the answer would be no.

Do I truly believe she did the best she could and sacrificed and loved my brother and I unconditionally? Yes. But, do I also think my mother was a flawed human being with her own problems and demons? Also, yes. 

She wasn't perfect. She had a hard life and a myriad of issues that she never dealt with. Like I've said many times over the years, mental health was not something that necessarily was talked about unless it was on the hush hush. There were no groups or circles... no mainstream acceptance... usually when you had any issue someone would chalk it up to "bitches be crazy" and move along. They talk about you behind your back... but help? Nah. So yes, while I love my mother and wouldn't change taking care of her for the world... no, I don't agree with many things she did throughout my life.

It took me a really long time to come to terms with that. I felt extreme guilt for feeling those feelings... but they were my feelings and they weren't going anywhere, so I had to deal with them.

And that brings me to my brother.

My brother and I have a very complex relationship. Is complex the word I should use? Yeah... because fucked up isn't nice. So, I'll go with complex.

My brother is three and a half years older than me, but was born a preemie and was therefore, a little behind physically while we were growing up. He's all caught up now... almost forty, with a seven year old and high cholesterol.

Because of him being a preemie... people tended to baby him alot. Not like a normal, "he's the baby" kind of way... but in a "he can do whatever he wants with no consequences" kind of way. And I was raised to give into his every whim, fancy, and desire. As children and into adulthood. 

Bro needs a place to stay? Better move so we have more room. Bro doesn't have any money? Better get some cash out so he has something in his pocket. Bro spent all his money on games and candy? Better make sure you cook him something to eat. Bro decided he was mad and wanted to put his hands on you? It's fine, he probably apologized or felt bad about it later.

Nothing is ever his fault... he didn't do anything... people are out to get him... we all just don't know how hard it is to be him... everyone is against him... it's just SO hard being him.

Except, at this point in my life... I fuckin call bullshit.

Yes, he has been through many horrible things in his life. He has had to deal with trauma and hardship and pain... but so has everyone else. None of us are immune or exempt from it, it's a natural part of life. He's no longer that little preemie baby or small in stature kid that needs someone to hold his hand and look over his shoulder. He has a child of his own... and yet, he still feels the need to use me to his advantage. It's been like this my entire life and I realize it continues to be like this because no one has ever forced that change.

I was raised to put myself behind him and essentially give into whatever he wanted as long as he used the right set of manipulation and guilt on me. He was raised to not give a shit how his actions affect other people and to only think of himself. And while I love my mother very much... she did the raising.

And quite honestly, I'm tired of living by that set of guidelines. However selfish or horrible it may sound, I want for once in my life, to make all of my decisions for myself and determine what's going to make me happy. And I can't do that when someone is standing there constantly manipulating, using guilt, bringing up the past, and straight up trying to gaslight me.

I love my brother and he's not a bad person. I don't want anyone to think he is, because he's not. However, my brother treats me very differently than he treats other people. He's always had me to depend on, and fall back on, and essentially get his ass out of whatever situation he put himself in, because I was raised to believe I had to. That was my normal and how I thought things HAD to be. Because the few times I rebelled against that "code" throughout my life, it was always me that had to deal with the shame and repercussions.

Except, with all the things I've learned and have been trying to process for the last few years, I know now that it doesn't HAVE to be this way. It's still this way because I'm allowing it to be this way. And I feel... done.

Done with trying to be the people pleaser... done with putting everyone else before myself... done with worrying about if someone is going to judge me if I let them in a little... done with feeling I can't make changes and live the life I want to live for myself because I'm being weighed down by all consuming guilt.

Just... fuckin done, dude.

I've been having these thoughts and feeling restless for awhile now. I didn't know what it was or how I was feeling. But, I've been feeling something akin to a buzz throughout my entire body.

In the past, I've touched on how hard things were after momma passed away. My walls crumbled and my mind swirled. I, for lack of a better term, broke mentally. It was hard and devastating and there were days I honestly didn't know if I could come back from wherever that black hole was leading me. I worked hard... really hard... to pull myself out of that. And I would never have been able to do it without the support, understanding, compassion, and acceptance I received and continue to receive from my husband.

And when I tell you I absolutely never wanna go back there... that it scares me to go back there... I would be telling you the most honest truth that I have to offer. Having your mind work against you to the point you feel you won't ever get to the other side is fucking terrifying. I can't and I won't go back to that, because the next time I may not be so fortunate and be able to bring as much of myself back with me this time around.

So... changes. Changes need and have to be made. For me, my family, and my peace of mind.

But, changes are hard. And while I am completely ready to make those changes and willing to accept the consequences of my decisions, it's still hard. 

Hard to rewrite almost thirty-five years of being molded into a people-pleasing caregiver who puts everyone before herself. And yes, when that term was used to describe me I thought... fuckin ouch... but also, I felt completely understood and seen. And that feeling fucking sucked too. Because accurate... but also, now completely brought to my attention and I don't want it. I've known it for a very long time... and fuckin NO. No more.

I'm going to ask my brother to move out of our house. And by our house, I mean mine and my husbands. And by ask him to move I mean... it's not an option, you have to move, but I'm asking you to understand my reasoning.

I would like to have a loving, understanding, adult conversation about it. I really would and I would love for my brother to just accept it and move on and we could have a normal sibling relationship. Because I still want him in my life... just not constantly in my house. I would like him to understand that I'm not coming from a place of malice but from a need to have the freedom.

My brother has had the opportunity to live with his first wife, live with his second wife, live with his child, switch hit jobs, and couch hop. Because he knew at the end of the day if he really needed it, he could run home.

But, guess who was always providing that roof and stability? That's correct... I was. I was being an adult and making sure everyone was taken care of while making no decisions or changes for myself. And I'm done with it, it's time I start thinking for me and stop worrying about what everyone else is going to do. I'm responsible for me... my husband... our pups. Because that's my choice. MY choice.

I didn't think we would have to come here. I honestly thought my brother would see the situation we're in... I thought he would acknowledge all my sacrifices over the years... I thought he would want me to have the opportunities that I haven't been afforded in the past. I thought he would spend a couple more years at the house and then he would move out and Dev and me could go on with our married lives.

That's not what happened though. My brother has made it very clear that he not only has no intention of leaving, but he also doesn't care how rude, disrespectful, or ridiculous he is in the process.

And on this past Sunday... a switch flipped for me. I'm not going to do this anymore. If he has no intention of growing up, well, he's gonna have to not grow up somewhere else. Because he has options. My brother was supposed to live with me because he "needed" to. But he doesn't "need" to anymore. He does because it's convenient for him and he gets his way 24/7. And while that's all fine and dandy for him, it ain't fucking working for me anymore.

I'm going into my fourth year of marriage and thirty-fifth year of life and have never got to live with my husband completely on our own. Never once did my brother even think that I may need to or want to make changes to better my life. He only thought of himself. And I figure, if he's always thinking about only himself... maybe I should start thinking and doing for myself too. He doesn't care how his decisions affect me because it's his life... so... samesies, bro.

So yes, while I would like to have an understanding conversation about this, I also know my brother. And my brother has a history, specifically with me, to become extremely volatile when he doesn't get his way. And he certainly isn't going to like this. Honestly, because of that, my mind is working every angle and playing every scenario in my head through and it's driving me crazy. 

Because I know no matter what his reaction is, or what the consequences of those actions are, my mind is made up and I'm standing my ground. I'm not going to be that person anymore. I'm going to be the person I want to be, and try things I've never been able to try, and make decisions for my life without thinking about if someone else will be ok with them.

Perhaps that makes me selfish or a horrible human being, but... I think... if that's what you really think... I can live with that too.

🩷I said what I said and I meant every word.🩷

Today, I read something on social media that I actually agreed with. Doesn't happen very often because people tend to be the f*cking worst... but this time... shit stuck. Because accurate and f*cking same, dude.

"I’ll forever be a husband's girl.

When I'm sad, I want my husband. If I'm anxious, I need him next to me. Stressed out - he’s my calm. If I'm sick, he's the one taking care of me. Proud moment to celebrate - he's my #1 cheerleader. Just heard hot gossip - he's the first one I run to with all the tea.

He’s my bestfriend, my security blanket, and my home. I will never not need him by my side." -Sahra King

And it's true... no matter where I am in life, no matter what I'm doing... I need my husband. Not because I can't do it on my own... but because he ensures that I never have to again. And that my friends, is something you can't buy.

You literally have to be fortunate enough to find your person to have it.

💕I just wanted everyone to see the puppies.💕

You're welcome.

💙Who says you can't eat fair food and dress like a princess? 💙

We're going to Bean's 4th birthday party this Sunday (but like... I swear we just celebrated her last birthday?) and the theme is... 👑 PRINCESSES. 👑

No specific princess... just princesses in general. I was thinking Princess Peach... but they're leaning more towards Disney and the likes. Makes sense... even though we assumed she would go Scooby-Doo (she's obsessed). With that being said... princess time.

With this opportunity presenting itself, I had no choice but to consider actually dressing up as a princess. I mean... I'm thirty-four years old, how many legit opportunities are just hanging around out there waiting for me to live out my princess fantasies? I could just dress like that all the time... but then people are going to start asking me if my hubby and I are into some weird shit (#smutreading) and I'm gonna be inappropriate and say yes... it'll be a whole thing. So we don't typically go there.

Dev was completely onboard and started googling costumes because he's an enabler that thinks my quirks and complete lack of social propriety are adorable.

I text Mace to make sure it was ok... and she informed me that she too was dressing like a princess for Bean and was super stoked I was already onboard without her having to ask (Aunt Katie has totally got you). She even suggested Belle... and while Belle was one of my favorites... that's a whole lot of fuckin yellow. She also let me know that Jasmine is Bean's absolute favorite... but I'm not trying to insult peeps... so I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to dress as Jasmine... or Pocahontas... or Mulan. All the damn good princesses are taken.

I settled on Anna... because that's the only costume available in my size... and just as a side note, I never thought I would have this much trouble finding clothes at the size I am. Clothes that hang and do whatever? Easy. Clothes that legit fit my body type and shape? Nope.

Dev loved it... but also let me know he had actually never seen Frozen. I was very much like- 👀👀.

Cut to about ten minutes later... and we're snuggled in with the pups watching Sven being the best reindeer around... only taking a very small break so Dev could make me funnel cakes (because he's the best). We were about ten minutes away from Hans and three minutes into Kristoff before Dev was all, "she should be with Kristoff... that other guy just got lucky he ran into her first." And when Hans was revealed as a villain? You should have seen the "I TOLD YOU" look that came across his face. Hilarious.

So yeah... we'll be playing princess come Sunday (my costume is supposed to be delivered today) and my husband has officially watched Frozen. All is good with the world.

Home is where paws meet you at the front door... and we got plenty of paws.

My hubby and I are constantly playing a game called our "forever home" in a never-ending cycle of... but what though? Frankly, if you think the never ending cycle of "what's for dinner?" is rough, you should play this one.

I've mentioned before how much I love our house. It's cute and tiny and the perfect size for us and our little furbabies... HOWEVER it's also smack dab in the middle of the city and we're not exactly city people. Don't care how long I've been here (almost twelve years now), I'm apparently just not that kind of adaptable. 

If I could pick up our house and move it in the middle of nowhere, I would never have to worry again. Alas, while they can in fact move whole houses, what bitch has that kind of money laying around? Not this bitch, I'll tell you that.

We bounce back and forth on where we want to live forever... reality says we're in Indy until at least retirement age and then it's anybody's guess. Maybe we'll stay in Indy (just not dead ass city)... maybe we'll head on down to Florida (I always say we will when we come back from vacay because feelings and shit)... maybe we'll go to Michigan for something new (we know absolutely no one there and that sounds nice on most days)... maybe I'll never want to see another living soul other than Dev and my babies and we'll hole up in the side of a Kentucky mountain (seriously... this one sounds good). Honestly, the possibilities are endless.

But realistically, we're in Indy for the next couple decades (bar a catastrophe and honestly, we're all f*cking tired of catastrophes so let's just not). While we're nowhere near starting our forever home (our current home is perfect and there are alot of things to do before we try and move or something like that), it's still fun to spitball and daydream.

We'd like to turn this dream into some follow through over the next few years though (maybe). Because of that, we keep going back and forth between a shed house or an Rv situation. The shed house idea is amazing. We had plans and dreams and an entire game plan. The problem is- do we want to be tied down to Indy forever? If we were to buy a piece of land and put all that work into it... then yes, we would. Not a bad idea, but definitely a decision.

The Rv situation is a new option that just came into play. I clearly knew there were people that lived full time in Rv's/campers/yurts... hell, for a few years of my childhood we lived in a tent so I clearly get it. It's an alternative lifestyle, but one people have been privy to for years. I just don't think I realized HOW popular this seems to have become. My generation doesn't give any fucks what people say and we're doing and living the lives we want. Like... there's an entire community for it?

And by community... have you seen TikTok? Truthfully, I'm addicted to that shit. I follow a little bit of everything but my newest obsession has to be the "Rv life" in my feed. And let me just say... Rv's have come a long way since my tent days. These bitches are NICE. They really got me believing I can live this life with all my stuff I actually want and just be happy with all my babies. Now, I know there are issues with this kind of living situation like all others but really, it doesn't seem any less convenient to me. PLUS I can park at an Rv camp but if I hate the location or people I can just hook up and MOVE? Simple as that? F*ck yes.

I mean... there are a million things we'd have to go over and figure out (like how are we going to learn how to drive and pull this f*cking thing and how does any of this even work in the first place?)... it could truly be a nightmare. In fact, we had one conversation about it and at the end I was like never-fuckin-mind-then. Because that's me as a person. *dramatic*

HOWEVER, I would also be lying if I said this didn't appeal to me on SO many levels. I like the idea of our house being on wheels and we can just go and do but still build an amazing and cozy home to share our lives in. Weirder than some, but not a dealbreaker... right? We don't need a whole lot of space (we're weird as f*ck and actually prefer to be cramped and on top of each other) but I would like enough space to have the things we truly want to have because I've worked really hard for a really long time and not trying to sound conceited, but damn... I think I've earned at least that.

Truth be told, I really don't know what our forever home is going to look like or be. Hell, we very well might stay right where we are and someday be those city people (doubtful but you never know). Either way, as long as we're happy and healthy and together the rest can be handled another day... right? Right.

It is fun to dream though, ain't it?

💕I'll tell the (fur)daddy happy day on his day.💕

Happy Fathers Day, to my (fur)baby daddy! That’s right… you hold all them puppies, good lookin.

To say my Gatorbaby is the best (fur)daddy in all the land would be an understatement. There isn't a single person on this planet I would rather or even want to do life with. He loves me fiercely and he loves our pups on another level. Whether they're happy, sad, sick, or sleepy... they want their daddy.

And honestly, I can't blame them. I want their daddy too.

There have been many people over the years to ask when we're having kids (not if- when), and my favorite answer Dev tends to give is- "Do you not see my kids right f*ckin there? They have four legs apiece, that's two extra legs, how the f*ck did you miss em standing there?"

Our (fur)babies are our legitimate babies and no one can tell us any different. "Having kids and having dogs aren't even close to the same thing!"

Ok... but if your kid is being a dick and bites our kid and our kid bites him back... we correct him like he's a kid... you wouldn't correct him like a kid. You would correct him like a dog. We wanna know what your kid did to our kid like you want to know what our kid did to your kid. And if you think you're coming after our kid with all your vengeance and attitude, either one of us will physically fight you over any of the three of them. See the difference?

In case you don't let me tell you... if our kids are falling off a cliff... you better go for yours... because we're going for ours.

And that's the kind of life partner and (fur)daddy I get to spend my life with. One that makes everything better. Protective, but gentle. Crazy, but loyal. Headstrong, but tender. All of these qualities make up the man my pups and I look to for comfort and unconditional love.

And he never fails to deliver.

Happy Father's Day, my love. You deserve all the love and happiness life has to offer... and then some. 

Tricking the OG two into loving the new one with the help of my angel baby.

Having a new pup in the house has really been something. It's fun and crazy (and exhausting) and we LOVE the fact we have a new member of the family. We're a crazy group of Glisson's instead of a set again.

But, with having a new pup comes with the fact I no longer have my Tayder pup. It'll be a year next month since I had to say goodbye to him and there are times, I still look for him. Apparently, it takes a little time to break a two decade habit... especially with so much love.

Tayder however was nothing but love and good vibes. There was never a time when I was sad or as low as I thought I could go that he wasn't there snuggled into my side and giving me end of the nose kisses. I miss him so much... but I honestly think he would want me to keep having pups around, young and old, because he was my little baby rescue and I don't think he ever really forgot. I saved him, he saved me, and we called it even with immeasurable love.

I wasn't the only one who loved Tayder... everyone did. Including his two brothers. The day I brought Sparkles home, he decided Tayder was his guy and he idolized that teeny little man. Sparkles has been different ever since we lost him and I can't say I blame him, because so have I. Once you lose someone so very close to you, a loss like that does bring about change. Whether you mean for it to or not.

Xur and Sparkles aren't taking to Steve as a sibling yet. Xur likes her... most of the time. But, she also exhausts him and he's a grumpy old man. Sparkles is just not having it any which way. He's like, how dare you bring another woman in this house that isn't my mom (he's got my back!), NO!

We know they'll eventually get to a place of love (it took the two of them awhile to warm up to each other when Dev and I got back together), but we also wanted to help the process along because Steve is already so in love with her two big brothers and she wants them ALL the time.

Dev had the idea to put one of Tayder's old shirts on her to put his scent on her to see if it would help... and it certainly didn't hurt. While they're not kissing it out anytime soon, Xur calmed down (a little) and Sparkles will actually let her lay by him (for a little) before haul-assing out of there.

Our girl is resilient though, and she's not taking having no love. She's determined they're both gonna be her best friends whether they like it or not.

It's comical to watch and I can't help but smile when I see her crazy little ass bouncing around in Tayder's shirt. It cracked a piece of me, but it also warmed a piece of me.

💕Look at two of my three babies napping... cute as f*ck... that is all.💕

I was bamboozled and I'm not even sorry about it.

There's officially a new member of the Glisson household. She's a six week old blue nose pitty and her name is... Steve.

Steve Irwin Glisson.
(And if you don't think that's f*cking funny, we can't be friends).

When I tell you I had no intention of getting a third pup, I whole heartedly mean it. I knew eventually we would bring another little pup into our lives, and we would love them unconditionally, but after losing Tayder last year, I honestly didn't know when that would be.

I didn't know when I would feel ok or if this was going to be a bandaid situation. Friday night, the answer was clear. I was neither ready or unready, I was just... me. Dev and I drove up to hang with Mavis, they got me inebriated, sat my ass down on a kitchen stool and put a six week old puppy in my lap while proceeding to tell me all his siblings needed a home. Saturday rolled around and next thing I know, we're headed fifteen minutes down the street to pick up the newest member of our family.

It's strange having a third pup again. I love it... I mean... the more dogs the merrier, right? But, it is an adjustment and completely different than it was. Dev and I haven't adopted together since Tayder. When we found each other again, Tayder was still with me and I had the addition of Sparkles. Dev had Xur and we became the most beautiful blended little family.

Now, we have a new little one to add in our ranks. And let me tell you, she demands to be seen. Little shit.

Xur is loving it. It's like he was made for this life. He wants the little darlin to follow him around and treats her like a proper mother hen. It's adorable and the sweetest little thing. Sparkles is Sparkles. He neither likes nor dislikes Steve, but he is warming up to her a little more each day. I swear, that pups middle name should be Indifferent. I feel like he likes her but he's a little thrown off by how small she is. I mean, six weeks really isn't anything and she's a spitfire in a teeny little body. Both pups reacted differently, but seemed to be on board with having a new sibling.

Then there's my Gatorbaby... the love of my life. The bamboozler that bamboozled his way into a new puppy. Because honestly, I can't tell that man no for shit and once he put the pup in my arms? Game over. I gotta hand it to him... man knows how to get his way with me.

Side note... when we adopted Steve, we were handed a box of puppies and told, "these are the boys." I'm a boy dog mom and haven't had female dogs of my own as an adult ever, always boys. Didn't think anything of it and went about our merry way... it took us a legit two full days before we were like... huh.. never confirmed that. And that's how we ended up having a girl named Steve.

And here we are. It was a bit of a crazy weekend but in all the best ways. Pup cuddles, hubby kisses, new ink, and visits from old friends (shout out to Dev's friend, Joshie!). 

Welcome to this side of the Glisson's, Steve! The four of us love you so much already (don't worry about Sparkles, I promise his grumpy ass will come around!) and are so happy you round out our little family.

Five tires... in five months... this is f*cking stupid.

Y'all... you ever had something happen to you so many times that you're convinced no one is ever going to believe you? Like... it sounds so ridiculous there's no way it isn't made up?

Happened to me.

It's officially the end of May (five months into 2024)... and I just had to go to my tire guy and have my back tire replaced... again. That's literally the fifth tire that I've had replaced THIS YEAR and that's not even counting the multiple flats/plugs that go along with it. What? You didn't think it was just all buying tires, did you? Nope. On top of buying five tires, I've had to plug at least four I can think of (there may be more). Again... just this year.

When did I become the age where I have a legit f*cking "tire guy"? Like... he's my go to right down the road and gives me deals because I'm such a frequent customer. Honestly, I think the man just feels bad for me, because this shit is ridiculous and if he wasn't the one helping me out, he would never believe me.

I mean... it sounds like some shit a man says when he's trying to talk shit about his ole lady's driving. Except, I'm the ole lady and my husband is like WHAT KEEPS HAPPENING? Because sometimes he's driving when it happens.

For instance, I was driving to work this morning and ran over this dime-piece beauty (no, I didn't see it- yes, I'm f*cking blind) at 6:30. Had to put my donut on and hobble around for the day until Dev took me to get it replaced after work. HOWEVER, we literally just had the tire on the opposite side replaced a week ago YESTERDAY because we were driving home from Mavis's super late... turned on the street home... and somebody shot our tire.

No, I'm not exaggerating... you literally can't make this shit up. #WelcomeToIndy

We had to change that bitch at two am... one dude stopped and asked if we needed help and when I told him no he then proceeded to try and get a phone charger from me that I didn't have. Good times.

So yeah... I'm on my fifth new tire of the year. Ok... new to me... my dude has the best deals on used tires that are basically brand new and I've come to the place where I've had to buy SO many and I have to replace them SO frequently, I basically refuse to buy brand new tires anymore.

Things look different and never to be the same.

When people ask me about things that have changed over the years, there are times it completely throws me off. You would think people would be asking about my married life, my pups, my job, my mental health, my house, basically any of the things people regularly deal with on the daily.

But nope, my physical appearance is the one people have zeroed in on and byGod they're holding true.

"You're so thin!" Happens when you go from a size sixteen to zero.
"How many tattoos do you even have now?" All of them and then some.
"That's not appropriate to wear out." I don't care, I'm f*cking wearing it.

I don't know when or why people started getting super comfortable with commenting on someone's appearance. It's happened for as long as I can remember, and while I've always tried to be the best person I can, I'm not perfect and I'm sure I'm guilty of it myself when I was younger. It's easy to get sucked in and worry yourself with other's opinions on your body... hair... clothes... appearance in general.

But, here I am as an ever-evolving growing woman and I'm saying it- it's NOT ok.

I expect that shit from a teenager... I don't like it and hope they too grow out of it... but y'all bitches out there in the universe are grown. Just walking around trying to passively aggressively tell someone you don't like how THEY look to YOU. 

F*cking kill yourself, Troy.

I used to really care about other people's opinions. So much so that my cousin likes to tell me I'm a "people pleaser" and she's not entirely wrong. I lived, looked like, worked, and talked a certain way for a very long time because I was worried about the perception of me that people would have. I didn't want whatever someone thought about me to reflect poorly on my mother. Honestly, I didn't want to see the disappointment in her eyes and other peoples opinions concerning that to hurt her in any kind of way. I wanted to be a shield. I mean, if I was good enough, and looked good enough, and if I did everything that was expected of me, surely no one could be negative, right?

I held this mindset for over thirty years.

And you know what I learned? I learned that no matter how hard I tried, or what I did, or how right I tried to make it, it was never enough.

Not good enough. Not sparkly enough. Not determined enough. Not complicit enough. Just never enough of anything.

It was exhausting and confusing and honestly, unnecessary. I was so concerned about what other people thought of me, I never stopped to consider if I liked me. I was never comfortable and I thought that was normal. It was easy to chalk it up to, "this is just me and how I am." 

Except it wasn't me and it wasn't mandatory I be that way. Any certain way really. Like an amazing epiphany (and countless talks with my husband) came all at once and one day I was ok being me. Whatever that meant.

If I thought it, I said it. If I felt it, I made it known. If I was comfortable in it, I wore it.

And if I didn't want to do it or it made me uncomfortable or it was too overwhelming? NOPE. Not for me. Thank you, come again next time.

I'm so happy being whole-heartedly and unapologetically me. That's all I've ever wanted out of life. I've never wanted fancy, or extravagant, or overwhelming. Just... simplistic happiness.

"Look how overgrown your grass is!" I f*cking like nature and don't want to be surrounded by manicures.
"You live like white trash!" Blame it all on my roots... I'm not even sorry.
"Pajamas are NOT appropriate public wear!" Says f*cking who?

Once I became comfortable with the fact not everyone, maybe even no one, was gonna agree with how I looked, acted, talked, approached life... it became easier to just keep going with it. I realized life is short and unpredictable and it was far too much to not live it the way I saw fit. No one was living their lives by my standards so why on earth was I taking opinions on the way I live mine into consideration? It had been that way for so long, why hadn't I questioned it?  In fact, I didn't even realize I was doing it. It was almost like I was conditioned a certain way and one day the f*cking levee just collapsed.

I used to be so good at compartmentalization. If I didn't want to deal with something, or feel something, I simply blocked it out and shoved it deep down in the pit of my stomach where it belonged. Out of sight, out of mind, right? If you ignore it, it will all go away. I had no issue with it. Life would sock me on the chin and I'd take the hit, shake it off, and proceed on. 

After Momma, that shit went right out the window. My mental health was so fragile, it felt like it took everything to keep myself any which way together. Even to this day, I can't control my emotions. My mental health is an ever-revolving door of anxiety and debilitating emotional trauma. Call me weak or dramatic all you want, but I truly cannot get a handle on it. If I feel it, I feel it right then and I feel it until I get it taken care of. There is no easy fix or shortcut. I can no longer compartmentalize and all those things I pushed down and away throughout my entire life? I get to feel and deal with them all. They all bubbled to the surface and now I get to fight the battles of my ten year old self at two in the morning for no f*cking reason. Good times.

"You need to do something about your crazy hair." I stopped using heat and like my lion mane.
"It's not very ladylike to be covered in tattoos." Yeah, well it's also not hard to be hit in the mouth with a brick.
"Do you really think that's a good look for you?" dO You REallY ThiNk thaT'S A gOOd LoOk FOR yoU?

When you break it down in that way, you realize all the little things like people's opinions are just that... their opinions. What they say or do or how they think of me, no more affects my life than my opinion does on theirs.

And even if they're somehow allowing my everyday life to affect them, that's not my issue. I did not agree to live my life by anybody else's set of rules or guidelines. I didn't agree to live for them and not myself. I didn't agree to listen to their rules and ideations and conform to their standards. Terms and Conditions, my ass.

"You always said you would never." Yeah, I talk alot of shit.

I know I'm different than I used to be. I had to be. I feel like my entire life has been a never-ending cycle of fight or flight and it's exhausting. The fact that my own mind can overwhelm me to the point of debilitating nothingness is frightening. So yes, I am different. Because I had to learn how to take the person I was and merge that with the person I became so that I could be whole again.

And here I am.

I look different, feel different, and treat people different.

I'm thirty-four years old... I lost the woman I had been closest to and taken care of at twenty-eight... I got married... I lost my pup of twenty years... my family and my husband's family went through a trial of losing many family members and friends in a short span of time... the world lived through a pandemic... I had all my teeth removed from my head and a plate put in... my husband had two surgeries within a year and has ongoing health issues... my two pups have health issues... I was in a carwreck... my husband and I were attacked by a hobo... did no one think change was inevitable? 

Everything about my life and my health and my appearance has changed. Dramatically, I'll give you that... but still, it's all changed.

I'm not the same me... but I am still Katie. The truest form of her. I say inappropriate things and make sarcastic jokes... I have the awfulest dance moves and a bum hip... my hair is wild and I'm covered in colorful tattoos... I work hard and play harder... and when I love, I love with everything I got.

So yeah... everything looks different because it is. There's no secret or trick. There's no game or conspiracy. Things simply just look different... well... because they are.

💕💕My husband once told me.💕💕

Dev and I met when we were kids in a little podunk FL town... smack dab in the middle of fuck all. We were having a random conversation in our kitchen the other day, and I asked him what was the "thing" that made him want me as a girlfriend back then.

His answer?

Sweetheart... you were just SO nice. Like, the nicest... sweetest person I had ever met in my life. I met you and was like, every person on this planet is a complete piece of shit... except for her. Because she's so damn nice. I had just never met anyone like you before... and honestly, still haven't. You're the only one like you out there.

And I cried, because I have emotions and I don't care what you say, that's the sweetest fucking thing ever.

Also... one time we were talking about "celebrity crushes" and while we both agree I couldn't be mad at Dev if he ever got a shot with Jason Momoa... he also let me know he got to marry his celebrity crush.

Because his celebrity crush is Drew Barrymore... and apparently I am his real life Drew Barrymore. He actually thinks that I am on the same wavelength and level as THE Drew Barrymore.

And honestly, I just wanted to marry him all over again.

🔆 Back at it like... well... just back at it. 🔆🔆

Last week was our annual FL trip to see the family. We didn't get to go last year because D had two surgeries, our pups had some veterinary things, and well... shit be expensive. Needless to say, we were well do for some Sunshine State family time.

And once again... the fam did not disappoint. 

We got to my MIL/FIL's house Saturday morning and by Saturday evening, we were at Mitch's bonfire, surrounded by live music (shout out to Silver Springs, FL band- Propaganjah!) and all kinds of people we love.

By Sunday, we were out at River Ranch riding quads and drinking booze. Ok... I only had one beer and a shot of Jack Fire but you get the idea. We were there for hours getting sunburned (peeling, party of one right over here), laughing until our sides hurt, and memorializing our dude... Dennis.

And let's not forget the family dinners (which by the way... you kids need to help your damn mama cook and clean more!), the family injuries (my Gatorbaby fractured his foot and my BIL, Brad, broke a rib), and the family talks (nothing beats early morning coffee with the in-laws!).

We stayed at his mom's Saturday through Tuesday and headed out to my other FIL's house on Wednesday morning. 

On the way over (it's about a three hour drive North), we even got to stop by and see my Uncle Wayne and visit with him for a couple hours! It was so good to see him and get to hang out for a bit. I (technically) have other members of my family that live in FL, but honestly, the only one I cared for seeing was Uncle Wayne. Most people don't see my Uncle the same way I see him. And I get it, he's very opinionated and set in his ways. However, he's never been anything but accepting of me and he truly makes me feel loved just for being myself. I'm 100% me and comfy around him and we both just go with the flow. We're different, and the same, and are just happy to be in each other's lives any which way we can. I love that dude and wish I lived closer so I could see him more often.

By Wednesday afternoon we were at my FIL's house and having a grand ole time. It's much more lowkey at Dev's dads house (he's a han solo liver like us), but we still love going and getting to hang out and spend time with him. More lowkey is not a bad thing for us and honestly, I feel like this trip was really good for all of us. We definitely needed it.

As always, the family teased and asked when we were moving back to FL. We hear it every time and they love to joke and mess with me about it. Ever since I moved out of FL when I was seventeen, I've always said I'll never move back. F*ck FL, right? I ain't going back! I've been talking mad shit for like going on twenty years now. And we all know how much I love to talk shit. 

But... I mean... I talked mad shit about never getting married for almost thirty years and now look at my ass. I f*cking love being married. My husband must think my favorite f*cking meal is crow or something, because I be eating it left right and center when it comes to him. The truth is, we have no plans for moving back. Ok... not "no plans" but no plans in the near future. I know we will, because honestly, if I said let's move today, my hubby would have been packed three days ago. He misses his family... hell, I miss his family. And this trip around, really cemented the fact that yes, one day, we will be going back. 

We always say we're not staying here the rest of our lives. City life is just simply not for me... I do it because I have to but do I like it? No... I never have. I moved here for Momma, and while I don't regret it, it's also not what I would have chosen if it was just me. Truthfully, I want to live in f*ck all nowhere again and very few people have access to me. I want peace and happiness. That's what I want. Nothing fancy or expensive or extravagant. 

The only thing keeping us in Indy right now is my job. I simply can't justify walking away from the stability and amazing job that I have... I also can't leave my girl out to dry. I've been part of this team for going on twelve years and while that might not mean anything for some, it means something to me.

So no... we're not planning on moving back anytime soon. But yes... we are planning to move back someday. When that will be, I have no idea. Maybe retirement... maybe before then. Honestly, life has a way of throwing curve balls my way and one of these days I might say f*ck it and pull an Elizabeth Ann. TBD.

Afterall, with five acres waiting for us... it's something to look forward to. #ForeverHome

You know what we didn't anticipate this time around though? The fact that this past weekend was the Kentucky Derby. F*cking Louisville, amirite? We got beyond lucky when we came through because the highway was a clear and straight shot... but every single exit to get off the highway and into Louisville? F*ck that. Glad we were headed straight through. Although, I will say we watched the Derby with my FIL this year and we actually really enjoyed it. It's not really my thing... even being raised in damn near Kentucky, I'm just not that kind of Derby gal. I mean, I'm f*cking terrified of horses so why would I be about it? But, we had fun and it's added to my list of memories with dad.

So yeah... we had an amazing vacation and my ass 100% almost didn't come back. And this is the first time I said that and I truly mean it. We'll be (hopefully) heading back down in September for a couple days because my MIL is the f*cking best and got me JELLY ROLL tickets. Three days before Momma's 60th birthday and one month before mine and Dev's four year anniversary. Can I get a whoop whoop?!!

And now that we're back home, we have decided (well... Dev decided) that when I'm not at work, we are on vacation time. All about Katie all the time. And I have to say... I don't hate it!

I can't wait until I can go home with my hubbs and babies and black velvet.

I don't know what's going on with me today, but I woke up in the strangest mood. Ok... not the "strangest" mood... I actually just woke up feeling incredibly sad and off. I'm not sure why, this was a good weekend and yesterday was all kinds of downtime fun.

Dev thinks maybe I had nightmares that I don't remember but still feel now that I'm awake. He may be right and honestly, if it wasn't for him, I don't really know what I would do sometimes. I can be incredibly off and he's still by my side being my true North. That man of mine... he's something only dreams are made of.

Like all the other days I feel my feelings and don't know why, I'm just making it through the day and trying to think of anything that may pull me out of this funk. Sometimes are easier than others, but all we can do is put one foot in front of the other and remember all the amazing things we have in our lives... right?

Mental health is no f*cking joke.

Judy needed new brakes. I was driving home last Wednesday and honestly, it sounded like I was dragging a bicycle. Cue my panic and pullover and then having the hubbs confirm that yes, my brakes were in fact, GONE. I can't be too shit about it though, it's the first time we've replaced them since we've had it. I've personally never done a brake job on a car and Dev has only done a few, so we were a little lost on this. Luckily, my brother is a mechanic and was able to guide us through the process (and it only took all three of us beating that bitch of a caliper in to get it right). 

I called the Meineke because I was like, well, I know it will cost more than if we do it ourselves, but they're mechanics so I should let them do their job... and then dude told me "yeah darlin, stop on by and we'll get you right in... the minimum starts at $500." Now, I'm all for paying people for their services but F*CK YO COUCH THAT IS SO MUCH MONEY AND YOU ARE ROBBING PEOPLE BLIND! Shame on y'all.

Needless to say, it was a whole lot of fuck that and three hours later I have new back brakes.

Between my brakes needing changed and the flat tire I woke up to (and my "strange" mood), Dev has been driving me to and from work. And I have to say, having my hubbs wake up with me, be with me on the ride, and all that in between, a gal could get used to this spoiled little life. 

We took a WRTTMM on Saturday after the brake job and Dev and I have come to the conclusion with all the traveling we do (we live in deadass city so when we do go out... we drive far away) we should definitely pick up yoga. Because these asses be ouchy. I've been collecting info on it for a few weeks (we've had this talk a couple times) and I think we'd be a good fit for yoga/pilates/callanetics. I mostly just want the stretching and maybe to build a little muscle strength (your girl be fragile), and he wants it for stretching and mobility... neither of us needs or wants to lose weight so that's not a factor we have to worry about. Just some low impact stuff to maybe make us feel better.

Now all we have to do is actually find the will to follow through with it. Pheesh... good luck with that.

Aside from that, today is my MIL's 57th birthday and we'll be headed down that way again in a couple of weeks. We can't wait to see everybody again and get to spend some more time with them.

If anybody needs me the rest of the day, I'll be trying very hard to keep my shit together and divert this existential crisis, and waiting until I can curl up with the hubbs and our pups. Because that's my safe space and I feel like I need it real bad today.

Solar Eclipse 2024.

Well, folks... here we are again. Back with another eclipse that I was sure wasn't due for another 92 years. Remember back in 2017 when there was a solar eclipse and everybody made a big deal about it because there wasn't going to be another one for another 99 years? You remember that, right?

People made tshirts and hats and special eclipse boxes to look at it. People traveled and schools closed and traffic was a general nightmare. At the time, I was like thank everything I won't be around for the next one because this shit is exhausting. Well, guess what? F*cking seven years later and here we are again.

Don't get me wrong. I think this whole thing is pretty cool and special. You should definitely pay attention because it's not like it happens on the daily. So yeah, I get that it's cool. BUT... again with this f*cking traffic. 

Like the first time around, I was at work when it happened... but luckily, I was on the phone with Dev in the beginning (it was insane and eerie!) and I did get off in time to snag a pair of glasses for Dev and me (thanks, Dani!) and we got to enjoy the end of it together. 

We even took the pups outside after it was over with so they could see what the fuss was about. (Yes, I'm one of those weird people that doesn't want to chance their pups actually looking up at the eclipse so I kept them inside until it was done).

I will say that driving home from work was weird... it was eerily calm and like the world was on shutdown. Almost had a pandemic feel to it. Which is weird, considering there were SO many people here that drove in just to watch from our state (Indy had totality). Seriously, people traveled from everywhere... as far as from Mexico for a whopping three minutes worth of totality. The f*cking follow through, bro. Impressive.

So yeah, we made it through Solar Eclipse 2024 and lived to tell the tale. Now... back to our regularly scheduled programming... except there's another one happening this October and now I'm thinking they're not as rare as what I've been led to believe?

TBD. Honestly though... y'all will learn how roundabouts work before then... right? RIGHT?!

That was a weekend for the books... or something like that. 🎉 3/30. 🎉

We recently got to watch Dev's mom get married to her new honey and to say I'm excited to have another new FIL would be an understatement. Dev's family is so amazing and incredible that I say the more the merrier. They didn't have a long engagement. In fact, they got engaged in January and next thing we know we're getting a phone call from my MIL that went something along the lines of, "I won't be mad at you if you can't make it but I would really really rreeeaaalllllllllllly like y'all to be there with me."

Yeah, she wouldn't have been mad but we would've felt like a POS so... TO THE SOUTH!

We left out on Thursday evening after I got off work and made the fifteen hour trek to a Sandals Beach Resort their house. It's always a long drive but we're always so happy when we get there. We spent Friday preparing and setting up for a wedding and finished the rest on Saturday morning (because bitches apparently can't deliver tables and chairs on time... que eleven o'clock at night).

Once everything was set up, people started getting ready (I was minimal in a sundress, natural hair and scarce makeup) and next thing you know, the guests started piling in. Dev and his brother walked my MIL down the aisle and her daughter and sister were her bridesmaids. I had the very important job of music (by default and I was scared to screw it up) and the entire ceremony was awesome.

As soon as that was said and done, it was time to party. Dev and I don't usually drink anymore but made an exception with it being such a celebratory weekend (apparently, I can be a social drinker?). The food was delicious, the weather was perfect, and quite frankly it was just an all around good time.

My MIL couldn't have looked more beautiful and you can practically see the sunshine radiating from within her. My new FIL? Family already. He's hilarious and since I've been in the market for a new dad for years now, he fits the bill.

The entire day was amazing and honestly, Dev's grandpa's speech was worth the drive in and of itself.

The plan was to leave out on Sunday morning, but everyone decided Sunday was the day to get tattoos so we ended up staying late so Dev could work his magic. Many tattoos (including one of Guy's sisters very first tattoo ever!) later, it started winding down and we left out about 10:30 that night. We got home about 1:30 on Monday afternoon and spent the rest of the day getting resituated to being home before I had to be back at work on Tuesday.

I wish I could say we took it like a couple of champs but our bitch asses are sore and exhausted. Seriously, we look like a couple of old hoagies walking around our house this week. Even our poor pups are moping around and taking constant nappy naps. However, we'll have to get over it soon because we have big plans coming up. One more WRTTMM and then we have our actual vacation planned for the end of the month (4/29-5/3). You know what that means? It means we'll be making that long ass drive back down.... again.

But, it's all worth it and since we have big life plans in the works, I say we're going with it. Be as f*cking happy as we can all possibly be for however long we can, right?! RIGHT.

We're in the 100,000 mile club.

As of yesterday afternoon... Doug Judy officially has 100,000 miles. And I still love it as much as the day we brought him home... if not more. He's been good to me.

Hopefully, being the little champ he is, there's lots more trips and love to come!

That's some shit on the internet a kid says and no one believes it.

Every now and then one of the kids in our lives pops off with some shit that completely throws Dev and me. This time... it was our nephew, Gabriel. 

We see him the most out of all the kiddos (he stays at our house every other week or weekend) and watching him grow and be the age and size he is now... well, it's mind-blowing. Mostly, because I remember when he was a little tiny baby. I digress.

This past weekend, Dev and me were in our kitchen talking (this is where we spend the most time with or without company... like our congregation room and neither of us knows why), and Gabriel walked up on my left... probably in search of candies or treats. He must've noticed the tattoo on the top of my wrist (how it's taken this long I don't know but that's a seven year old attention span for you) that says "Tayder."

He looked a little confused and when I asked him what was wrong, he pointed at it and asked, "is that Spanish?" Dev told him, "no buddy, that's cursive" to which he replied...

"Where's that?"

I immediately walked into my brothers room and was like, "dude, do they not teach cursive to kids anymore?" and he informed me that no, they don't, because they consider it to be a "dead language." A dead language as in... like, Latin? Because they still teach some people that but cursive is off the table.

The f*ck?! WHAT?!

Sidebar: I don't really know if they still teach people Latin but I feel like I'm right on this (even though I have nothing to substantiate it).

I'm not saying you have to learn cursive to thrive or survive in life, but I do feel like you should make kiddos aware of what it at least is. I realize I'm thirty-four and the advances in technology are progressing so quickly that I can't keep up, but... I still use cursive on a daily. Even if it's only for my signature.

Wait... do you not have to sign your name in cursive for important documentation anymore? I have to look into that.

The point is, shit cracked me and Dev up. He made a joke about how they made his ass learn that shit growing up and how much he hated it (and basically all schooling in general). I made the joke that we're finally that age where we sound like our parents and grandparents.

"When I was growing up... back in my day... when we were kids... I don't understand this new age shit..." F*cking hilarious.