Tuesday, April 29, 2014

The worst three days of my life.

Last week I noticed that Momma's face looked a bit funny. No, I'm not being mean, I'm being completely serious. Something was just not right. I told her that she had two choices. One) She could call her doctor and get in- immediately...or... Two) I was taking her to the ER- immediately. Those were the only two options. She called her doctor and went in, and they sent her over to have an MRI. The MRI came back and said that she was fine, but they diagnosed her with bell's palsy, which however inconvenient, is not serious or life threatening. We were relieved and happy. That was all on Thursday.

Friday- April 25:
I was at work doing the deposits when I answered the phone. They asked for me by my full first name, and the only thing that I could think was that I was in trouble, because the only time someone uses my full name is when I'm either in trouble or it's one of the people I grew up with. I knew that they weren't calling. It was Momma's doctor. Doc: Have you seen your mother in the last 24 hours? Me: Yes. I saw her around two/three hours ago. Why? Doc: Well, you need to go to her and take her to the ER immediately, because we found abnormalities on her MRI. Me: What?!! Umph!! *$@!#$!! Doc: Now, don't panic, we just need to do this precautionary. Me: You do not start a conversation like that! You start with don't panic! So I called Momma and told her that I was headed home, Danielle took me (thank you Dani) and when I got there I told her that we were going to the ER- NOW. I woke Jim up and off we went. I was a nervous wreck and I know that Momma was to, but she wasn't letting it show. We were admitted into the ER and they hooked her up to the monitor. A million different doctors and nurses came in and out and after three grueling hours we were informed that she had in fact had a stroke. It was so scary and like everything came crashing down. I immediately reverted back to the nursing home and started thinking off side effects, therapy, and everything else that accompanies stroke patients. She was admitted into the hospital and they took us to her room. She had another MRI, and we were told that over the next couple of days that she would have more testing done. After that we basically just hung out in her room and tried to relax. Like that was going to happen. People came to visit and by the time the evening rolled around it was just me and her there. I wasn't going anywhere without her. She wasn't aloud to walk a lot, because of her medicine, so we did the only thing that there was to do. Watch TV. A night of The Back-up Plan, Sheldon, and Rob Dyrdek.

Saturday- April 26:
After a sleepless night, there was more testing to be done. We were informed that she wasn't going to get to go home for at least another day and that things were looking bad, but a little better. I know, right? Talk about ass backwards. After having an ultrasound on her neck, another MRI, a CT Scan, and having about 23 tubes of blood taken, she was pretty beat. I tried to bring her spirits up, and it seemed to work. I even drew on the pain scale board. You know the board that shows you the different faces raking pain from one to ten? Yeah, that one. It made her smile and laugh and I was so happy to see that. Her face was still drawn and her balance shaky, but all in all she was doing pretty good. We met with the neurologist and physical/occupational therapists. We were told that she had had a stroke on the left side, and also had bell's palsy on the right. Talk about a double whammy. She was of course wore out and wanted to go home immediately, but i talked her down and told her that she couldn't go anywhere until we figured everything out. Kenny and Jim came to visit us later that evening and Momma made me go with Jim to get Taco Bell. She also made me promise to bring her back a taco, because hospital food- yuck. After all of that, I helped mom take her shower like I had the night before and settled her in. We watched Tangled, some other random shows, and of course more Sheldon. Sheldon always makes Momma feel better.

Sunday- April 27:
This was the day that we would finally get some real answers. Although we knew that she had a stroke we weren't exactly sure to what extent the damage had went. She had to have a heart ultrasound done, to make sure that there were also no blockages anywhere in her body. Aunt Susi and Uncle Roger came to visit (hi guys!). They stayed for awhile and we all talked it out. I had helped Momma with her shower earlier and braided her hair, so needless to say she was feeling pretty fancy :) A little bit later the neurologist came in and talked to us about her condition. Thankfully the stroke was minor and hadn't done to much damage. Unfortunately some spots appeared on the MRI(S) that looked as though they could be multiple sclerosis (MS), but not necessarily, so she has to go back for a follow-up with the physicians. However, they discharged her home and she was out of there like she had been in Alcatraz for thirty years. Aunt Susi told me to take one of my vacation days for Monday so I could stay home and get some rest. (Thanks, Aunt Susi).

I'm back at work today. Momma is feeling better and we're pretty optimistic. Even though I'm worried every minute of every day, but I don't tell anyone that, because then they'll worry, and they don't need to do that. Also, Aunt Susi is picking me up for work (thank you again!!) and she has enough on her plate as it is. So here I sit. Telling you that those three days were the worst of my life. I was scared and felt beyond helpless. You never imagine something happening to your loved ones until it does. To me my Momma is the strongest, greatest woman that I have ever known, and to see her like that is mind boggling. She keeps telling me that I don't have to be the strong one. But I do. I have to be the strong one for her. I know that we have a long way to go, but knowing that she's going to be ok lifts a giant weight of worry off my brain. Does that make sense? So here we go. Take all of her meds. Check. (Both of us) Quit smoking. DOUBLE-CHECK. Making her as healthy and able as possible. We're on it. I'm just happy that she's not going anywhere for a long, long time.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Please stop talking, I can't take it.

(Names were changed to protect the innocent. And by innocent I mean if for some unexplainable reason someone I know ever stumbles upon my blog and reads it, then I can't be sued or held responsible for my words or actions. Except my family that I can just run away from. I mean, what are they gonna get if they sue me? A half of a Powerade and some leg warmers? Because that's about it. This all went down yesterday. There was so much laughing that I almost fell out of my chair. It was hilarious. Maybe you just had to be there.)
Susi: Why are Billy, Nick, Charles and Sven at The Naked Monkey? Dani: How do you know that they're at The Naked Monkey? Susi: Because Nick just checked in on Facebook and tagged the rest of them. Me: Am I the only one that's extremely uncomfortable with y'all using their names and naked in the same sentence? (Ignoring me) Dani: Eww, what do you think they're getting waxed there? Me: I bet it's not their heads. Dani: I bet it's their butts. What do you wanna bet? Susi: I bet it's their backs. Dani: Yeah, Charles is a pretty hairy guy. Me: Do either one of y'all really wanna ask them about their butts? Or waxing for that matter? (Ignoring me, again) Susi: It's cause of those books Billy's been reading by that woman. Me: Aren't those books specifically written for women? Susi: Probably, but he's real excited about this girl. He got his teeth cleaned and everything. Me: His teeth cleaned? Susi: Yeah. Dani: Specifically for that purpose? Susi: Yep. Me: Ummm....why? Susi: Cause he wanted to be fancy. Dani: Fancy?! Susi: Yeah. Me: You do realize what you just said, right?

****Five minutes later****

Me: Dani, have you ever been to one of those waxing places like The Naked Monkey? Dani: I used to get my hair done in a place that did waxing, but I never got one. Me: That just sounds so incredibly painful....and kind of embarrassing. Dani: Oh, those girls are not at all embarrassed to talk about it. They walk in and are all- "I'm here for my Brazilian." And then the people behind the desk start asking them all these questions like- "Do you want inside the crack done" and "Do you want a shape or a little left". And they are not quiet about it either. Me: You leaned in closer to hear the answer didn't you? Dani: Of course I did, I'm not crazy. What would you have done? Me: Of course I would've leaned in to hear, I'm not crazy. Susi: Why would you wanna hear all of that? (Me and Dani just looked at each other and then laughed.)

****A few more minutes later****

Susi: I wonder if there's an update on their whereabouts. Dani: You could always check it out to see. Me: Do y'all really wanna know if they are in fact getting their bits waxed? Dani: Their bits waxed? Me: Yeah, their bits. Do you have a better word for it when it comes to them? Dani: Nope, bits works. Susi: Why would they have their biz waxed? Dani: Biz waxed? Susi: Yeah, biz waxed. You know like "mind your own biz wax". Dani: That's beeswax. Mind your own beeswax, not biz wax. Why would someone mind their own biz wax? What does that even mean? Susi: What does mind your own beeswax mean? That doesn't make since either. Dani: True. But do you really think they're getting waxed? Like you know, their stuff. Susi: I don't know. Me: I know this time it's my fault, but I gotta say- "I am terribly uncomfortable with the way this conversation has turned".

****After work (in the car)****

Momma: How was work today? Me: Terribly uncomfortable. Momma: Really? Why? Me: (Tells entire story about The Naked Monkey and the guys involved.) See what I mean? Momma: I get it now. James: (In a British accent) What's wrong with her? Momma: Here, I'll put it on speakerphone and she can tell you. Me: (Tells the whole story again, while describing the guys involved.) James: Well, that sounds horrible. (Rambles on and on, blahblahblah). (Momma and James start having a conversation about me.) Me: Hey! Sitting right here. Mind you're business. James, have you found me Jude Law yet? James: No, I haven't. Me: Well, you need to get on it buddy. Momma: You have Jude Law on the mind lately. Me: i'd have jude law on more than just my mind if james would get on it. momma: katherine diane! me: I'm just playing. I can make jokes too, you know....I'm not kidding James find him. Immediately. It's raining. James: What does Jude Law have to do with rain? They are completely unrelated. Me: Because if I'm going to be made to endure this rainy/dreary weather, I should at least be able to be cuddled up on the couch watching movies. Drinking. With Jude Law. In England. James: **incoherent laughing** Momma: I freaking' love you. Me: I love you. And James. But mostly Jude Law. Seriously James, get on it.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Lunch with the girls: An inner monologue.

Ok, I'm glad it's lunch time. I'm starving.
Mcalister's? I've never eaten at Mcalister's before. I wonder if they have shrimp.
Dani's brought me their tea before.
Mmmm...sweet tea. That stuff is more addictive than crack.
I think. I don't know, I get my info from- BrBa. And I think that's meth.
How different are the two, really? Who cares. Except people that do it, and BrBa writers.
They won an Emmy. Am I the only one that thinks Emmy sounds like a name?
Aaron Paul is a cutie though. And him and his wife? Adorable.
I should watch his new Need for Speed movie. I like those types of movies too.
I'm gonna wear these sunglasses of Dani's. She won't care, after all they're just thrown in the backseat.
I don't usually sit in the back. Probably because I get so carsick.
I'm ok though. I don't feel sick today.
Not like last night. Last night I couldn't get comfortable to save my life.
It's my back. It hurts in the same spot. ALL THE TIME.
I should go to the chiropractor or something.
But that means I would have to let a stranger feel up on me. I hate people touching me.
Unless they buy me a drink first. Just kidding! I do have personal space issues. I don't like people touching me.

If Aunt Susi keeps holding on like that and stomping her emergency brake she's gonna have an anxiety attack.
I bet those are rough.
Seriously though, she is gonna stomp a hole in the floor board.
I'm glad I found these sunglasses back here. It's so bright out. Ugghhhh...
Ok, I better quit whining, at least it's warm.
Windows down!!
I gotta remember to leave these in the car though.
This trip is taking FOREVER....how long have we been driving? Oh, about ten minutes.
what did they say up there?
Are they talking to me? Huh? Oh, I don't know.
I'll just nod and pretend like I heard.
Nope. Still didn't hear her. What the hell is this song anyways?
Oh, thank the Lord, we're here!!
Hey! They do have tea AND shrimp. SWEET!
.....SWEET TEA!!!
I feel like Forrest Gump and Bubba right now. Bubba Gump shrimp!
I've never ate there before either.
I don't know why I break out into that song so much. Probably because it's so awesome.
Our cashier totally looks like Hunter Hayes. I wonder if Aunt Susi would agree.
Ok, she thinks that I'm crazy. But dude really does look like Hunter Hayes. Only a couple years older. But still.

That was good. Mcalister's is pretty nice.
Don't drop Chris' tea, Katie! Why would she leave me in charge of his tea? She's nuts.
I wonder what ever happened to Pussco.
He was sweet. I really liked him.
He did tell me that I was beautiful though. That was nice of him. Cause he lied, I'm not. Sweet guy though.
I wish I would've met him before I did that actual dilhole that I did date.
Actually I wish that I wouldn't have dated that assface at all.
Pussco and I used to have so much fun, especially riding around in that old white jeep of his.
When we were in it going down those back roads in the summer, it was practically a country music video.
I should look him up on FB to see if he's still doing good.
He lives in California now. I wonder whatever happened to the sunglasses that I left in his Jeep. Or the Jeep for that matter.
I've never wanted to live in California. I would like to go to Santa Monica though.
Theory of a Deadman.

Hey, this guy is getting really close.
Seriously, Dani. That truck is coming into our......LAANNNEE!
Dang that was close. Nope, he's doing it....AAGAIIINN!!
That's right honk that horn! Wow, I've never seen Aunt Susi get up in the windshield to flip someone off before.
That's great! Do it again Aunt Susi!
I'm glad he went on. Now we can get back to work.
I hope they got my bed out and set up today.
I don't wanna do it when I get off work. I wanna put my shorts on, put my clothes away, and finish reading- To Selena, with love.
It's been such a good book! I liked that Beautiful Bastard series too.
Hey, we're back at work.
***Walks up stairs, gets things situated (I didn't spill Chris' tea), sit down to do some typing/work.***
Damn it! Dani's sunglasses are on top of my head! I wonder if she notices, cause they're awesome.