I met my cousins from Arkansas. (Again).

When I was little we used to take random trips and honestly I never put too much thought into it. I have always been one to just kind of go with the flow. (Plus, I LOVE roadtrips). While I would like to see the East Coast, we always went South. Don't get me wrong, I love the South. It's not where I was born, but it was where I was raised and still consider it my home even to this day. I would just like to see the East Coast and I'm extremely excited that Uncle Doodle and Aunt Poot are letting Momma and I tag along to Chicago next month.

But I digress.

We always went South. (Which is awesome). Florida, Arkansas, Georgia. Never New Orleans (which would be amazing and is on my list of places to visit). I think my family always picked these places, because it just felt right. We were all together laughing, playing, and having fun. Making memories. You know, things that you do before people grow up and you think to yourself- "Man, my cousin really is a douche canoe". Just saying.

We have a lot of family from Arkansas. Originally my Grandpa Arkie (not his original name, but I'm sure you can guess how he got that nickname and went by it his entire life) was from there and when he moved he always made sure that the rest of us knew some form of where he came from. Whether by visit, song, or story, we knew. And those were the best gifts that he ever did give.

When I was a little girl we took a visit to good ole Arkansas. I don't remember much of the trip, that's how small I was. But I remember bits and pieces. I remember one of my Aunts yelling at me to get down, because I was climbing a tree in my favorite dress. (My Momma should have named me Grace). I remember that same Aunt putting my cousin Shantel and I in the ugliest two hats that you ever did see and taking pictures next to some monuments. And by monuments, I mean those plaque things that tell you a little bit about whatever town your ins history. I find those things awesome, but that's just me.  By the way, trust me when I say that those hats were ugly. Uck.

I also remember that I met my Mommas cousins and while I don't remember them very well, I do remember that one of them (Becky) gave me a cupcake and told me that she liked my dress and just chuckled at my dirty face and scraped knees. Obviously, she was my favorite. And that was over twenty years ago.

Well, she and her family (just a couple of them) decided to come up for a visit and Wednesday night I met them. (Again). I remembered bits and pieces of Becky (cupcakes and crazy), but didn't remember her husband (Steve) and had never met her daughter (Becca).

Becca just turned eighteen and she's as cute as a little button. I took to her immediately and I think it's because she reminds me so much of me at eighteen. You know, fun loving, sarcastic and outspoken. Not to mention sensitive and a bit crazy. I had never met her, she wasn't even born the last time that I was in Arkansas, but that didn't stop us from laughing and cutting up like we had known each other for years.

Isn't she just the cutest little ball of Arkansassy that you ever did see? She calls me tiny, because I'm about six inches shorter than her and it's hilarious. We seem to have a lot in common, which is also hilarious to me (Never grown up #peterpansyndrome).

We all got together to hang out and just have a good ole time at Uncle Robbie and Aunt Winnie's house. It was a blast. Between the jokes, chili "cook off" (Aunt Winnie made all the chili and it was yummy), the karaoke and the talking we all lost track of time. Momma and I got home fairly late and as a result we're both pretty beat today, but you know what? Worth it.

Steve played the guitar while mostly Becky and Becca sang (they have beautiful voices might I add) even though we all chimed in every now and then. Becky kept trying to get me to sing and Steve even played Simple Man (classic) for me, but my "stage fright" (even though it was just family) completely knocked that one out of the park. That was until I sat down on the floor with Shantel and she played Neon Moon. There's just something about that song (it's my favorite song ever and only my closest family and friends know that) that makes me need to "perform" it. Ok, maybe not "perform" it, but I definitely have to sing along.

They all head back to Arkansas on Friday and I wish that they could stay through the weekend. But alas I am an adult and while I would like to just blow everything off so we could just hang out with them, I can't. Boo. But we will definitely all have to keep in touch and make arrangements for more visits in the future.

P.s. I expect copies of those pictures that you and your Momma took of all of us and pictures from your Prom/Graduation, Becca! You and Sir Harrington are gonna be so adorable!! But you already know that.

And I'm just drinking wine. (And eating Bagel Bites).

(No regrets).

Every time I talk to one of my "girlfriends" it seems like each one of them (with the exception of a couple) are either pregnant, planning a wedding, or telling me a new story about one of their kids that's "just SO adorable" I have to hear it. It never seems like I ask one of them how things are that they say- "Oh you know just hanging around the house" or "This guy is really on my ass.....and I like it", not even "I tried this new pasta dish the other night, it's delicious and you have to try it immediately". (I'm on the hunt for delicious pasta dishes as of right now). Do any of these things come up?

Nope.

It's mostly (once again, with the exception of a few) just a whole lot of "Wait until you see what little Bobby made in school the other day" and "We decided on a Spring wedding for next year, because we can barely wait" (By the way, if you can "barely wait" get married tomorrow, not a year from this allergy season, which will also be you know, allergy season). Also, "I have cankles, hemorrhoids, and my boyfriend currently hates me, because my mood swings make me throw knives at his face. He's getting really good at bobbing and weaving. Just wait until you get pregnant and have a baby, you'll understand".

Oh, really? Will I understand? Will I?! Because you just made it all sound so appealing. What with not being able to be comfortable even when you're naked, involuntary things popping out and turning the guy that you "love" into a MMA Fighter, why wouldn't I look forward to all of these things? Not too mention that you love this guy SO much that you can "barely wait" to get married. And then wait another whole year and some. Sounds legit. By the way "Bobbys" little "painting"? I don't know what in the hell that is. It looks like about two finger swipes and a nose dive to me. Don't worry though, I'm sure he'll improve with age. And if not, just hold out hope that he grows up smart enough to not accidentally staple his own scrotum to his own leg and desk. You laugh, but like father like son.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my friends. Love them. I only have a very select few, because I'm a firm believer in the whole "quality over quantity" practition, but every once in awhile one of them says something and it irks me on a whole other level. I mean, I accept you for the crazy, baby having, man trapping, secret pill popping (when you're not pregnant) mess that you are.

What? Did you think that there was a purpose to me telling you all of the things that I accept them for? I think the purpose is implied. And not all of them do these kinds of things and they very much accept me for me, but every once in awhile, I think they feel the need to "impart some wisdom" on me or something. And no offense, but I'm perfectly happy staying in at night, eating bagel bites and drinking alcohol soda.

I think the whole purpose of this post is to tell you guys that I know you are only worried about me and I love you guys for it, but really, I'm ok. You know me, I'm very much just me and I'm not going to change anytime soon. Which is probably good since our friendships are built on 7/8 sarcasm.

Also, "Bobbys" dad is an idiot. 

You can't have a Bromance if you're not a Bro

I'm assuming that everyone has heard of the term- Bromance by now. If not then let me explain to you what it is.

Bromance: A close, emotionally-intense, non-sexual bond between two (or more) men. It is an exceptionally tight affectionate, homo social, male bonding relationship that exceeds that of usual friendship, that is distinguished by a particularly high level of emotional intimacy. The emergence of the concept over the past decade has been seen as reflecting a change in societal perception and interest in the theme, with an increasing openness of society in the twenty-first century to reconsider gender, sexuality, and exclusivity constraints.

Basically what I took from that is it's the male equivalent of- Besties. You know, just butched up a bit.

Usually I'm not one to enjoy trendy terms, in fact I usually hate them (Don't ever call me bae or broski. If you do, I may be forced to punch you in the throat.), but I have to say I love this one. In fact, I love it so much that I wanted to be apart of a bromance. I mean, I have guy friends so why couldn't this happen, right? RIGHT?!! I know technically it has to be between two (or more) guys, but I make exceptions for guys when it comes to girl things (go ahead and get that uni-brow waxed) so why can't I be included in this?

I asked an old guy friend of mine if you could have a Bromance if one of the two people was a girl and he told me NO. Which completely threw me off, because I didn't know why not. So, then I tried to plead my case and make him see that a guy and girl could in fact be in a Bromance. And while I hate to admit this (because I feel that I'm right at least 97% of the time), he totally schooled my ass on why that can't (and never can be) an actual thing. (And yes, I keep having to say the word- Bromance, because I love it).

And before you even ask, yes I did scribble out certain things, because people don't need to know everything. I know that I write on this blog about my life in all of its glorious details, but on this one, I'm going to invoke the (semi)privacy rule.

I'm at the very least learning the terms that my generation actually uses. Did y'all know that sismance was a thing? Oh, you did not. Ok, maybe you did, but I sure as hell didn't. I didn't even know that Bromance was a thing until a few years back. I very much thought that it was all just called friends. Because I'm a boring loser like that.

And now I'm still deadlocked, because I still don't know if any of this is correct. I still want to make up a term, even if it doesn't make sense (i.e. Bromance), but not one that in any way puts me in the friend zone. So, not sismance. I don't even like that term. It sounds dumb. Who in the hell wants to be viewed as the girl that's "not hot enough to bang so I'm just going to say that I think of her like a sister" in the first place? And maybe that's not what that means, but it certainly sounds like it is. And everybody else is very whatevs about the whole thing, because honestly I think they enjoy it when I'm going nuts and over-analyzing things. They're probably just sitting there working or hanging out and it randomly pops into their heads and they just laugh. Ass.   

What does everyone else think? Is sismance really a thing or did he just make it up to try and passify me? Wouldn't you want to be in a Bromance with me? Why does Noodle insist on teasing me? Why does anyone find Kim Kardashian and Kanye West awesome and fascinating? I need answers.

How to: Survive a Hangover {According to Danielle}.

Danielle and I were talking about hangovers last Friday. It's been awhile since I've actually had one, but she's kind of a pro at it by this point. Except New Years Eve when she got so drunk at the neighbors house that she informed her husband that she was and I quote "just gonna puke right here in the front yard". Don't worry, he made her go into the house before she actually puked. And she immediately regretted drinking all of those tasty alcoholic beverages the next morning. So, to avoid absolute impending death, here are her step by step guidelines for survival.

1. Stop puking.

This is the first and most important step really. Basically because you can't function let alone do anything else involving life while still going through this process. So, get it all out so you can move on.

2. Water and Meds.

After the puking ceases you're going to want to load up on water and meds. The alcohol induced vomiting has made you severely dehydrated and in turn is causing your head to feel about 9 times its normal size. Sorry.  

3. Rest. Approximately 20 hours. (Or 6 if you're not overly-dramatic).

Sometimes 6 hours can feel like 20 hours of rest and it's much needed at this point. After all, you did just spend the last 3.5 hours throwing up vodka and tequila. (Not the best drink mixture, by the way). 

4. Eat. Cheese or Bread. Or a whole box of cheez-its. With caffeine.

Because they're (Cheez-its) basically bread and cheese. But don't try eating just cheese and crackers, because it's not the same. It has to be cheez-its. Or, you can eat McDonalds breakfast. But it HAS to be their breakfast. If you've missed the cut-off, just stop at the store and get cheez-its.

5. At this point you're going to get the shakes.

Take a shower and drink some more caffeine to get over the shakes. If you don't do something to alleviate the shakes you're going to start vomiting again and then have to start this whole process over. You're halfway there, you don't want to start over. Trust me.

6. Get 10 more hours of rest.

Maybe not exactly 10 more hours, but this step is kind of like number 3. Just a few more hours of rest can feel like 10.

7. Eat a big meal. The greasier the better.

This is where pizza with extra cheese and pepperoni or a hamburger and fries comes in handy. If you're a vegetarian, I don't really know what to tell you to eat. Mozzarella sticks, perhaps? But you're going to want to make sure that whatever it happens to be that it is greasy.

8. Go back to bed.

After that big meal you're going to need some sleep. And you may ask "But why? I'm feeling so much better?" IT'S A TRAP. Don't be fooled, if you don't go back to bed you'll regret that you even exist.

9. Next day: Take more meds and drink more caffeine.

You made it through the whole first day and should be proud. If you followed my step by step guide then you're probably feeling pretty good. Not 100% but when was the last time you truthfully felt 100%? If you're thinking about it the answer is a long freaking time ago.

10. If you made it this far there's only one thing left you have to do.

And that is- make it through the chronic alcohol induced diarrhea that's bound to emerge. Good luck and Godspeed.

Through the years.

I've managed to find some old pictures lately. Whether they be ones that we stumbled upon while cleaning out Momma's closet (oy vey!) or ones that Aunt Poot has stashed away (remind me to stop drinking and not wearing make-up around her), I've got a pretty stable timeline of me.

As a baby:

Clearly, you can see who the cutest kid in the family was. (Not).

As a kid:

You can blame my Mother for those god awful bangs. I am straight up rocking that Easter dress though.

I'm grown now (Sort of):

Do you want to know the upside of being an adult? Simply put- Alcohol. 

My brother and his brood.

Friday night my brother, his girlfriend, their three kids (technically his step kids), and their dog all came up to spend the night. Plus, Solae. Do that math. That equals out to four adults, four children, two dogs, and a partridge in a pear tree crammed into our teeny tiny two bedroom apartment.

Shoot. Me. Now.

I barely survived and my brother is an ass. That is all.

Winter is coming.... no, it's already here.

I'm not usually one to complain about weather. There's really no point in it. The climate is going to change and frankly, weather just happens. Snow, sleet, hail, rain, heat, humidity. It's all going to happen at one point or another. And honestly, I would rather be cold than hot. I can always put on another layer of clothes, but I can't exactly strip down nude and go into public. I mean, I guess I could, but it's probably not a good idea.

But this Winter? Oh, this Winter. It seems like Winter is becoming worse and worse as I get older. And not in the "I'm turning into a little old lady" sense (I'm already there), but in all seriousness, it's just become worse. The months are longer, the snow is deeper, and things hurt worse.

It used to be that when I fell on the ice (which happens at least twice every Winter) the only thing that it would hurt was my pride. Unfortunately it's just not like that anymore. Now it hurts everything. It hurts the back, legs, neck, blah, blah. You get the idea. And it used to only last about three months, but now it seems that Winter sticks around for October-April. In some cases, even May.

Did y'all know that it snowed 8 inches on Saturday night and that it was still snowing come Sunday morning when I got up? If not, you do now. Not to mention that there was already like four inches on the ground. I feel bad for the people in Boston and such that have somewhere around (what I assume) is 10 foot. The only good thing about all of this snow? The fact that I can sit down on the mounds of it and let Momma take cute pictures of me to text to my friends. And maybe I don't look real cute in them (I don't), but let me think that I do, please. Just let me have this.

This weather doesn't tend to stop my family though. Well, on the day that it's not horrible that is. In fact, this past Saturday almost all of the girls in my family (and Bubby) got together and went out to eat. Mexican food- yum!! Seriously, just promise me Mexican food and I'm totally there at any point and time. I probably would've waded through the snow on foot for that.

On the days/nights that it is bad though we all (I don't know if it's all of us or just me, but whatevs) tend to stay inside and clean then watch movies. Awesome movies like- The Wraith and The Other Woman. Can I just say that there's nothing better than a good ole 80s movie? Especially when it has classic Charlie Sheen in it. There's just not a whole lot of things that beat Charlie Sheen. In my opinion. And the movie The Other Woman? Hilarious.

I'm surprised that there are still people that like me at this point

I was having a conversation with Erica a little while back that spilled over into a conversation with Mo, that in turn leaked into my conversation with Momma. I know, it's a vicious circle that probably needs to be addressed sooner rather than later, but I'm definitely not going to do anything about it except complain. All on the same page? Great.

And I was totally going to let all of this go, truly I was (please, like I ever let anything go), but then I decided to go ahead and tell the internet about it instead. Because why not? It's usually what I end up doing. That and when I completely want to smack talk people I do it on my blog. I have got to quit telling people about this things existence.

Moving on.

(Just a few) Reasons why I'm probably a difficult friend (or girlfriend- which I'm not, but I have been like twice, so obviously I'm an expert or something) to have.

I have NO Instagram filter.
Like, none whatsoever. If I think you're being a jackass, I'm going to tell you that you're being a jackass. If I think that your boyfriend and/or girlfriend is a giant douche canoe, guess what? I'm going to tell you about that to. I don't try to be an ass. Truly I don't, but it just comes so natural to me.

{I would appreciate it if I could choose from Instagram filters in my real/everyday life, because they make me look so much better than I actually do.}

I don't want to talk about my feelings. I just want you to read my mind.
I mean, is it so much to ask for people to just know exactly what I want, when I want it, and however I want it done? I don't think it is. Do I want to tell you when I'm sad? Hell no. I just want you to not only know that I'm sad, but why I'm sad and how to fix it. Or any of the other emotions that I happen to be running through. I don't think this is just a me thing though, I'm pretty sure this is just one of the many things that comes along with being a woman. What? You know it's the truth.
 
I'm so sarcastic that sometimes I even offend myself.
And do you know how hard it is to offend me? It's very difficult, but somehow I still manage to do it from time to time. It kind of coincides with the whole 'no filter' thing and before I even know what's happening I'm saying whatever happens to pop into my head. Word vomit at it's finest.

{P.S. I also like to have alone time, so don't be all over me and try to smother me like you're a side of hashbrowns from Waffle House.} 

Movies.
Do you like movies? Do you like watching movies? If we're gonna hang out than I hope so, because I'm going to make you watch five million of them. I'm going to insist that you see all of the ones that I've ever seen, plus we're going to have to watch movies that I've never seen. Whether they're old or new, be prepared to strap in on the couch and do some serious movie watching. I'm going to whine until you do.

I'll just poke you until I get my way.
You may call it childish, but that's only because it totally is. I like having things my way. I know that everybody does, but I really do. I don't usually insist on too many things, I'm very "go with the flow" with things in my life, but every now and then I'll really want something (whether it be to watch something specific, listen to a certain song, or eat grilled cheese while drinking copious amounts of alcohol) and if you disagree with me, I will just sit next to you and poke you until I get my way. Childish? Yes. Effective? Absolutely.

{And don't try to say I'm spoiled, because I'm not. I don't tend to get my way, because like I said, "go with the flow", and I don't even know what being spoiled feels like. Although, if someone wants to attempt to spoil me so I can find out if I like it or not, I'm not going to argue.}

{That picture has absolutely nothing to do with this post, except for the facts that I would do something like this, and I officially want to be this girls friend!! Best. Wedding. (Un)invitation. EVER.}

Follow the script.
I have a very vivid imagination. And at least ninety-six percent of the time I am playing out a scenario in my head (whether it be realistic or not) and I get very annoyed when people don't play along. I know that they don't technically know what I want them to do, but then again, it kind of resorts back to- just read my mind.

And the best part of all of this? My family and friends have completely accepted all of these annoying things about me. Erica even uses the term "It's just one of your endearing qualities that we've all come to love". They just roll with it and they're not even surprised by what comes out of my mouth anymore. And it's great. I have some of the most incredible people in my life that you could ever imagine.

A Quarter of a Century Old. (And Valentine's Day).

Well, y'all. It happened. And by "it" I mean that I did in fact turn twenty-five years old. This past Friday to be exact. Yes, on Friday the thirteenth I turned a quarter of a century old. I couldn't believe it either. I'm not really sure when I did in fact get to the point that I was ready to be in my mid-twenties, but here I am. And you know what? I'm good with it.

I know, right?! I didn't see this coming either. I thought that I would have some giant meltdown  or something. I honestly didn't know how I was going to react. I mean, don't people usually have a mid, or in this case quarter, life crisis? Shouldn't I be freaked out and trying to "find myself" or something along those lines? I don't know. I'm probably ok with it, because I'm good with who I am. I know me and I'm happy with the person that I am. The way I look at it, as long as you're happy with yourself, than you're fine. Unless you're a serial killer, rapist, hurt children, or you know, Casey Anthony. Than you're not ok. And I want to punch you really hard in the throat. You know, just saying.

I've also never been one to celebrate birthdays. Don't get me wrong, Momma always made us a cake every year, but we never did the whole big shebang. I had a sleepover when I was in fifth grade to celebrate and that only happened once. And it was completely by my choice, because if we're being perfectly honest I didn't like having all those girls over invading my space. Even just thinking about it gets on my nerves. The next morning I told Momma never again, and I meant it.

I've just never been one to get excited about birthdays. But this one? This one just felt different for some reason. I couldn't tell you why, because I don't even know for myself, but it did. I didn't do anything in particular. In fact, Momma and I grabbed some supper and stayed in for the night. It was SO cold! And we all know how much I don't like to go out in the first place. But we stayed in and relaxed. It was great.

And did I mention how many people remembered my birthday? And Valentine's Day? Yeah, I'm pretty sure every single person I know wished me a Happy Birthday. Some sent me cards. Others candy. My very much (non)boy(guy?)friend even sent me flowers, chocolates, and a card. (No ones ever sent me flowers before, by the way). Greg and his crew came up the next day and took us out to dinner and brought me a giant hot pink stuffed dog. And finally, two cakes people. Two. Cakes. All in all, I'm going to have to say that I put it to a vote and it's been decided- I'm turning twenty-five again next year. Don't try to talk me out of it. Cake and flowers, I've made up my mind.

That time I did Zumba and almost didn't recover.

So, last Friday (the sixth) I did something that I never thought that I would do. I actually let Dani talk me into going to Zumba with her. Do y'all know what Zumba is? If not, I'll tell you. Actually, I'll let Wikipedia, because if I tell you it's going to have many more expletives. Just saying.

Now that you know what it is, can you really imagine me doing this? If not, you would be completely accurate. I was a, for lack of a better word, maniac. The fact that I have absolutely no arm/feet coordination was not a surprise to me. I mean, I haven't had it almost 25 years, so why start now? Right?! Everyone knows this about me. It's never by any means been a secret.

I ran into people. I followed the wrong steps. I shook my butt so hard at one point that I thought I was going to fall over. What can I say? I have alot of ass to shake. Also, can we just talk about how hot it gets in those places? SO. HOT. The class was 1.5 hours long and it was to raise money for the American Heart Association. And although I don't think that I will ever do it again, at least I have no immediate plans, I have to say that it was kind of fun. Hell, they let you dance to Bruno Mars, so what's not to like?

After I got home from Zumba, my entire body ached, so I popped a couple excedrin and did a few shots, and then Momma and I went to Wal-Mart to pick up a couple things. And so I could have an amazing photo-op with a giant stuffed giraffe. That I named Steve. (Unknowingly after Bennett's brother. What?! I didn't know that was his name!) And when I woke up Saturday morning, I had to take more meds and drink, because- Ouch.  

When I agreed to tutor an 11 year old.

Have y'all ever ever been asked to do something and in your half-hackled inebriated self, agreed to do said thing?

I only ask, because I'm nosy I myself agreed to such a thing this past Saturday. Momma and I ran a little bit of everywhere over the weekend and during this time we stopped by Aunt Poot and Uncle Darrell's house to pick up a quilt that she had asked us to take to the laundromat with us for her (it's easier for us to use to big washers there than it is for her to use her small one).

She informed me that she needed to talk to me and frankly she look concerned enough for me to feel a bit worried. So, I sat down and she said- "Solae got her mid-term yesterday, her mom is pissed and throwing a fit, and if she doesn't bring her math grade up they're going to keep her in the fifth grade. I need your help, I need you to tutor her. I don't have anyone else to ask". My initial thought? Shit.

Followed closely by the endless list of guilt that I felt knowing that Solae and Aunt Poot needed my help. What do you tell two people that you love when they ask for your help? I assume you say what I said, which is- Yes. I knew it wouldn't be that bad. Afterall, she's a good kid and she listens to me. {Bonus: She doesn't give me lip, because I just tell her to cut the crap and she does.} But it wasn't until about an hour after I had agreed and we left that it dawned on me. What dawned on me, you may ask. Well, it dawned on me that I haven't been in school in almost seven years.

Yeah, that's right. Seven years. I was just as shocked as you are (No, you're not). See, I graduated high school seven years ago this May, and no I didn't attend college. I know, I know, but I'm good with it. I don't feel that I had to attend college to make myself happy, and I know that a lot of people would say- That's not the point, Katie! And to those people I say- Shut it. You live your life the way you want and I'll live mine over here on my own. Thanks.  
So, here I was about to start tutoring an eleven year old that really needed my help and I had agreed to do so and didn't even really know if I would remember enough to help her. I initially panicked and then did what any logical adult would do. I cussed and when we stopped at the store, I bought the book- Math & Pre- Algebra for Dummies. And I have no regrets. Sometimes you just need a little refresher course. And what this book couldn't teach me, I always had Google on my side.

The tutoring was supposed to be just every other day, but I went over to Aunt Poot and Uncle Darrell's Monday evening (for almost two hours) and yesterday evening (for about an hour)  to help her out and I have to go help her tonight. I think that I'll have Thursday and Friday off though. She's only got thirteen weeks off school left, so keep your fingers crossed!

Will Smith wrote a song about me (no he didn't): Things I just don't understand

There are things that everyone just doesn't understand. And the majority of the time if you don't understand it, than you just spend time working on it until you understand it. Is that a fair assumption? I, however am not one of those people. I'll try really hard at something until I comprehend it when if comes to work or something important in my life. There are certain things though, not only do I not understand, but feel that it's probably best that I don't understand. (Examples).

The lingo:
I.e. bae, the feels, dat, doe, ish, sprang, and so on and so forth. I think you kind of get the idea at this point. Now, my question is: WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL IS THIS?! No one should ever talk like this. EVER. It's not ok. Oh, I'm sorry, did you somehow forget how to speak?! I can feel my high school english teacher cringing right about now. And I know that I freeflow when I write. I get it. I seriously do. I have run-on sentences, I don't capitalize frequently, and a myriad of other things. Trust me, it's acknowledged. But, come on!! That "gives you the feels" or whatever dumbass way that they say it. You can't just saying you have feelings? Really? REALLY?! It's just too hard for you?! Boo hoo. And it's bad enough that teenagers do this shit, but adults too? Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves for even contributing to this. Especially when you use dat and doe together. For instance: #datbearddoe. No. Just no.

Weddings:
Kidding. I understand why people have weddings (pretty dresses, dancing, alcohol and cake. duh.). It's marriage that I just don't understand. Weddings are fun. Marriage? From what I've seen, not so much. I just wanted an excuse (like i need an excuse) to show you these pictures from Suzi's wedding of her and Erica that I found while I was snooping playing around on the internet. Ha to the ha.

Yes, I showed the entire world (dramatic much?) y'alls picture. Get over it. They were already on the internet anyways.

She is mean muggin' somebody!

Doesn't E look extremely happy in this picture? Nope.

Technology:
Everyone that knows anything about me knows that I'm not exactly the most tech-savvy person on the planet. In fact, for a twenty-four (soon to be twenty-five. ooph.) Year old girl, I'm surprisingly anti-tech. Not to the point that it appears that I've been in a cave for most of my life (my wardrobe takes care of that), but still. I still rather enjoy sending my friends letters, cards, notes, pictures, and various other things through the mail. You know, with stamps and it taking three days and such. What can I say? I'm old-fashioned like that. Most of my friends are relatively tech savvy, some more than others (you know who you are). Me? Not so much. I actually just made the switch to an Iphone(5S) for the first time today. We'll see how this goes.

The best line of the week on a Sunday.

I was having a conversation Sunday evening and something was said (not by me for once) that was quite possibly the funniest thing that I've heard in a long time. And I'm really not sure if it was actually that funny or if the image of him saying it in my mind was just that funny, but here it is Tuesday and it still makes me chuckle. Also, I would like the world to start using the word "chuckle" on a daily basis again. You know, with the assumption that at one point or another people did use it on a daily basis. Thank you. I knew you would understand. Anyways, we were discussing work and his boss being stuck in Texas when he threw this one out there.

Katie: Why is she still all over you? Isn't she stuck in Texas or something?
To which he replied...
Yuki: I've been to Texas, it's hell on earth. It's where she feels most at home.

It kind of reminded me of this:

And that ladies and gentlemen, is what you call a BURN.
(By the way, nobody from Texas be offended by this, we were strictly talking because of the heat. And I'm assuming if you're not accustomed to Texas heat, it's exhausting.)

I wish I could say I wasn't tgif(ing) it

I actually have plans for tonight. Plans that have been made me for like a week. I know that you're super excited for me and that you just can't wait until I tell you what they are. When I told Charlie that I had plans she quickly started squealing- 'Oh yay Katiebeth!! You have a date!!' To which I replied- 'Yeah. Kind of.' In fact it's a dinner date. Annnddd...it's going to be a double. I know, you're super excited. Oh, you want to know who I'm going with? Well, I will tell you. It's actually me, Momma, Aunt Poot, and Solae. What? Disappointed? Yeah, whatevs, so was Charlie. She actually chanted- 'Boo!!' for a minute. RUDE. Don't worry about her though, she does it strictly out of love. She worries that I don't date, because she says that I'm going to die alone. Or something like that. I don't know, I only half ass listen to her. Hater.

Sunday night during the game Solae sat on my lap, laid her head on my shoulder and said- 'Katie. I need steak. And I need your company while I eat it, because you're awesome'. And then she looked at me with those big ole cow eyes of hers. Needless to say, she's getting steak tonight. By the way, I invented that trick and don't appreciate having it used against me. Ugh, if I only I were still cute and could wrap somebody around my little finger. That kid sure does have me wrapped around hers. I'm not sure when it happened either, but I think it was somewhere between my fourth drink, the second time she told me I was awesome, and the third Iron Man movie. Yeah, it was definitely somewhere in there. She's a great kid. Sometimes I want to smack her mother over her, but she's an awesome kid. She's tricky though. She waits until I've had a bit to drink and then talks me into either playing Nerf war or baking. Or both. Yeah, it's usually both. So, be prepared, because you might see a cake or something soon. Oh....a tye-dye cake. That's definitely happening.

So, I will be spending some quality time with three of my favorite ladies, having dinner, a little conversation, and quite a few drinks. What? Don't look at me like I'm an alcoholic, it's Friday night and it's been a long damn week. Besides, if I don't drink, how am I supposed to drunk text people? And by people I mean basically Erica and Bennett. They probably find my drunken rambling unflattering, but Erica's seen me naked (on accident...so she says) and Bennett listens to me on a daily basis, so they pretty much already know that I can be unflattering. Oops?! Plus, I need to pick up some sinus meds tonight. And yes, I take my sinus infection medicine while drinking, because MY MOMMA DIDN'T RAISE NO QUITTER!! I can literally feel your judgy eyes on me right now. And you know what? I don't care, because I'm in a really good mood. Have I mentioned how happy I am that it's Friday?

You know what I mean.

I have always been a fairly outspoken person. I don't have much of a filter and what little bit of one that I do have tends to fall by the wayside far more often than not. I pretty much just say exactly what's on my mind, whenever it enters my mind, and don't candy coat or skate around things. Some call it a gift, others call it tacky. You say: potato. I say: hey, look something shiny.

Every now and then though I'll try to watch what I say. Not out of fear of making someone mad, but just for the plain fact that I remember that I'm an adult and throwing myself onto the ground while wailing hysterics isn't exactly the best way to go about things. Although, it can be very effective....so I hear. I wouldn't really know though, because I get bored very quickly.

Other times you can say one thing and your friend automatically knows what you "really" mean. In other words, I can say one thing and Erica knows the (sub)textual conversation that we're actually having. And vice versa. You want a few examples? What am I saying? Of course you do.

Erica to Katie: How are things? So....have you talked to Bennett? How is he?
Translation: If you've seen him naked yet, I want to know all about it. Especially if you have pictures.

Katie to Erica: How are things between you and ole Andy?
Translation: How is the evil dog that's stealing my best friend away from me?

Erica to Katie: I saw something that (insert ex boyfriends name here) put on Facebook the other day. kind of creepy.
Translation: I'm SO sorry. I'm really surprised you actually forgave me for setting you two up. My bad.
Yuki to Katie: That's what I love about your personality. Whatever is on your mind, you just say it. There's literally nothing hidden with you.
Translation: Your inmate mouth, guttermind, and tomfoolery entertains me.

Katie to Erica: So. Have y'all set a date yet? Any ideas for what you want?
Translation: If he's not good to you and he doesn't make you extremely happy, I'm going to have to cut him. Also, I want to wear red and you're not fooling anybody if you wear white.

Erica to Katie: Babylove, I just want you to be happy and be with someone who loves you for the amazing person that you are.
Translation: You need to get laid so we can talk about it. But I still totally love you.

Yuki to Katie: I wouldn't stage a picture like that. Come on now.
Translation: Please, don't be like every other woman and make me do things. I don't even get anything out of this. I don't see you naked.

Katie to Erica: You can have whatever you want on your big day. That's why it's called your day.
Translation: It's not beneath me to fake a fire and help you climb out of a bathroom window in your wedding dress.

Katie to Yuki: Well, if that's what you want then do it. I mean, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't support you?
Translation: I'm going to support your decision, but I'm not going to be happy about it if it doesn't go my way.

Erica to Katie: I just miss you. We used to have so much fun and it's been far too long since we've seen each other.
Translation: Your inmate mouth, guttermind, and tomfoolery entertains me. Also, your drinking problem makes me feel far less like a lush.

Katie to Yuki: I very much want you to stick around, but I'm not your momma, your girlfriend, or your probation officer, so I really don't get a say in it. And frankly even if I was one of those things, you're a grown ass man, so you make all of those decisions and I'll support you.
Translation: I'm not your girlfriend and I can't be your probation officer, because someone stole my handcuffs. And in all honesty, I have a hard enough time making my own decisions when it comes to my cluster f**k that I call an existence, I can't babysit you too.

Katie to Erica: When's the big move? I bet you're beyond thrilled to be starting a new life with Andy in a different state. A grand new adventure for the two of you.
Translation: Seriously. Make sure he knows I don't care to prison shank a bitch. (Points to my eyes and then out like Robert De Niro).

Erica to Katie: What you need to do is get a jar of caramel sauce, pour it all over him, and start in on your abtastic sundae.
Translation: I have no defense for what I'm saying, I'm a sex crazed lunatic. Also, take pictures.

All of my friends (almost) are having babies and getting married and I'm over here like- "Dammit. I'm out of wine and sinus meds. I want pizza." In. That. Order.

I received messages the other night from two different friends telling me that they were pregnant. Also, one telling me the gender of their baby. And my friends little brother who is also my friend (that I took to prom, long story short she told me I was forbid from it, so I did it out of spite) so that's four, count it- four, different friends of mine that are having babies. Two of them are married (even though one is separated from her husband). One is a guy and I don't know what in the hell it is that him and his girlfriend do. And the last one isn't married either, but she's with her "baby daddy". Nope still funny. The one that isn't? Well, this will be her fifth. Remember Mo? Yeah, well, she's the one on her fifth. Now granted, the two oldest are her step-kids, but she's had them since they were even one and two years old. So, five.

She text me to inform me that she was having another boy. You ready for a little math that's going to blow your mind? Watch this. She's having her fifth kid, all under the age of seven. It will be the fourth boy and she's six months younger than me. The baby is due in July. Her birthday is in August. Which means she will have five kids under the age of seven before she's even twenty-five years old. Shoot. Me. Now. And I mean that in the most loving way that I can, because I love her kids. All four (soon five) are my godchildren and I love them. (I just keep repeating that over and over). But me? Having any kids, let alone five? No. Just....no.

Then I called Noodle the other night, because we had a little 'girl talk' to do. And by that I mean, she was inebriated making tacos, I was drunk eating pizza, and instead of texting back and forth I just called her, because ain't nobody got time for texting while drinking, eating pizza, and pacing back and forth analyzing life. Especially when it's our lives. Anyways, we were talking about everything and I asked her when her and Andy were going to get married and pop out a couple of young 'ens. Guess what? A lot sooner than I had originally expected. I've informed her that I have picked out the dress that I would like to wear as her Maid of Honor and I've also planned a large portion of their wedding. Hell, I don't want to get married (EVER) so why not live vicariously through her?

Now, all of them think that I'm the crazy one for not wanting to get married or have babies. (Oh sure, I'm the crazy one for not wanting to be shackled to another human being for the rest of my existence. Really, guys?) And I'm perfectly ok with that. Erica is the one that doesn't think that I'm too crazy, but I'm pretty sure that in her mind she's all- "Just wait, Katie. You. Just. Wait."

So, I guess I will be keeping you posted for the rest of my life throughout the next couple of months to let you know how all of these pregnant/engaged friends of mine are doing. Oh, boy.

**Update: Momma and I went out to Greg's house today and about two minutes after we got there we were all in the living room and Greg said- 'Well, I told your mom so you tell mine.' To which I said- "Shit. You're pregnant, aren't you?" Because I'm obviously sensitive and never say the first thing that pops into my head. Oops. But don't tell, because it's still super early and they don't want a bunch of people to know until they know more and it's safer. You know, health wise. They're nervous, because of things not going so well last time. Fingers crossed. I'm going to be an Aunt. Again.

A random Thursday night text conversation between me and my brother.

Everyone that knows me and my brother knows that we love each other very much, but we still love to give each other shit on a regular basis. We only had each other growing up as far as siblings go, but we also had a few friends that we consider family as well. I mean, usually when people ask me if I have any siblings if I don't put too much thought into it, I just say I have two brothers, because to me I do. (Here's looking at you Johnathan). So, back to this whole messing with each other thing. You probably should know our sense of humor, and that my favorite word in the entire world is 'bitch' (thank you, Jesse Pinkman) to understand this, but I think it's funny anyways.

Brother: I love you. Katie: I love you too. What do you want?  Brother: Not shit. I just miss you guys. Katie: We miss you too. You're coming up this weekend, right?  Brother: You sleepy? Katie: A little bit. Been up since 4 this morning, why?  Brother: Hey. Katie: Hey. Brother: Yes, why? 2:45, puss. Katie: You're a puss. Brother: What, wimp? Katie: You heard me you punk bitch. Brother: It's easy to talk shit on the phone. Katie: You should know, it's what you've always been good at! Brother: Lol. Well, ain't you funny? Katie: I always have been, bitch :)

And then he stopped texting, because obviously I completely won. I know it, he knows it, and now the entire world (ok, maybe not the entire world, but let me have my pinky and the brain moment) knows it. It's nice being the little sister sometimes (He's 3.5 years older. Geezer.).

Apologizing to your Bestie for making her sound like a psychopath.

There are times that I tell y'all about my bestie (i just can't stop using that word)- Erica. And I may or may not make her sound a bit, I would use the word colorful, but she informed me that the word most likely used is psychotic. In fact I believe she said I made her sound like a  psychotic/sex-crazed lunatic. We may differ in the opinions perceived.

Personally, I don't think I made her sound psychotic at all. I made her sound like the awesome friend that she is. Even going as far as telling how she's never to busy to talk to her friends. (Including, but not limited to when she's also doing....dark things with Andy). And the sex-crazed lunatic part? (Sensitive much, Noodle?). Well, I only made her sound like that, because she is very much a sex-crazed lunatic. Sorry, there's just no other way to flip that. You say potato, I say quit describing your boyfriends junk to me.

You know, it's a good thing that everything we talk about is protected under "girl code". Otherwise your boyfriend would be so mad at us 24/7. Worth it. I guess this wasn't much of an apology. But then again, if I didn't say exactly what I was thinking when I thought it, than I just wouldn't be me. Now would it? Love you, Noodle!! And don't worry, I'll be sure to have some good stories to tell you someday. Even though you're still not fully recovered from the last one that I told you. Oops.

When your best friend is inappropriate and harasses you.

**Warning: If you read this you may never fully recover. 

While we were having a text conversation: Erica: Hello? Katie: Hello. Erica: What are you up to, my love? Katie: Oh, you know, just hanging out, eating supper, watching a scary movie, and trying to stay warm. You? Erica: Oh, nothing much. just talking to you, cooking supper, and sexting with Andy. Katie: Excuse me? Erica: What? He's 600 miles away, we have to keep the "magic" alive somehow. What's wrong with that? Katie: Number one, you're on the phone WITH ME. And number two, you're cooking supper. Erica: What's your point? Katie: My point is you're multitasking and I don't want to accidentally get a photo that I'll never recover from. Erica: Don't worry, I don't send pictures, I just can't bring myself to do it. Andy does though, so the worse you'll see is him naked. Besides, we lived together, you've seen me naked. Katie: Noodle, listen to me closely, I will never recover if I see your boyfriend naked. EVER. Erica: Please, he's adorable. And it's been a long time since you've seen a naked guy. How long has it been again? Katie: I'm not ok with you asking about my "naked fun time", or lack thereof, while you're having yours with Andy. I should've hung up a long time ago. Erica: No need. He's done. We need to talk about you. Katie: I'm going to vomit.

Because of a picture I tagged her in on Facebook: Erica: Softie....I'm not soft, I'm fluffy! And I can only get soft with you. Katie: Not something a girl usually wants to hear, but I'm loving the sentiment! Erica: Not that way! Unless you have finally decided to run away with me. Katie: No, sorry sweetie, but I still love you! Erica: I'm sad now. Join us join us....We have cookies. And twinkies on Friday. Katie: Chocolate chip or oatmeal? Are you and Suzi trying to bribe me with baked goods so y'all can take advantage of me? Erica/Suzi: You know you want the fired creamy goodness...and chocolate chip. Katie: Ok, you guys are bitches, because now I really want cookies! Erica: I should bake you some and mail them...you know I could do that. Suzi says to share your cookies. Katie: It's ok Suzi, we know, darlin, we know. And we still love you! Erica: Lmao. And that is why I love you.

When I called her on the phone: Erica: Hello? Katie: Hey cutie, what are you up to? Erica (with Suzi in the background): Bow-chicka-bow wow. Chicka bow-wow. Katie: Seriously? Erica: So....any naked pictures yet? Katie: Of who? Erica: Sent or received? Katie: Who are you talking about? Erica: Oh. You know. *wink wink* (And yes, she said- wink wink). Katie: I hate you. Erica: But you love me more.   

Let's talk numbers. Let's talk all of the numbers.

There are 365 days in a year (366 in a leap year). There are over 7 billion people in the world. And there are 7.99765121 ounces in a cup. Numbers are infinite and possibilities are seemingly endless. Sometimes things seem to be crazy and you think that impossibilities are staring you straight in the face. But if you strip everything down and stare at the bare minimum number, it just doesn't seem as scary. It's almost like if it's in number form you can climb each hill a little bit at a time.

If you think about running a mile it sounds like a major feet. Unless you say there are only 10,000 steps in a mile. So, you walk those 10,000 steps and you're done with it. You eat the salad that is 210 calories instead of the 608 calorie bacon cheeseburger that you really want. That is, until the temptation just gets to be too much and you go ahead and eat the bacon cheeseburger. I mean, why not? Afterall, statistics show that you'll only live 1,044 months in an average lifetime. And that's only if you live the average of 87 years.

You're probably wondering what I'm getting with all of this, right? Well, I'll tell you. I am going absolutely nowhere with this. All of this is simply because a friend of mine said something to me last night that got me thinking. We were talking about when we were in school together and things we have done throughout the years. I jokingly made a comment and she informed me that distance is nothing. It is just simply "one of those things." I thought about this and realized that she was right. Distance is just "one of those things." It means nothing. It's like every other number.

Here are some facts about me: There are 320 pages in my favorite book. 163 words in that damned ole catchy song- Stay With Me, that I can't manage to get out of my head and I belt out at every possible opportunity. I still love the fact that I went to the state championship in 5th grade for the spelling bee and that I graduated Highschool with a 104 in English Honors. There are 480 calories in a bottle of my favorite wine.

And when I was 15 I went through some things that my 40 year old mother made better through her love and a 1 year old puppy that we adopted and has become one of the best friends that I have ever had. I'm 5 foot tall and love with 100% of my heart. I still talk to at least 3 of my friends that I worked with for 5 years and we tease each other as much as possible. Also, there are 2.1 carats in that diamond ring that my Aunt refuses to hand over, because it would look adorable on my tiny little munchkin hand. ;)

Here are some instances: Perhaps your best friend lives 459 miles away from you and pretty soon she will live 650 miles away, because she is following the love of her life from Florida to South Carolina. It seems like she will be closer, but in all reality she will be an extra 191 miles away. She is leaving her life and everything she has known for almost 25 years to be with the guy that she fell in love with 2 years ago. You might have even known the guy that she loves when you were 16 and had 2 classes with him. And you are supportive of her and love her all the same.

Maybe the guy that you're still harboring unresolved/unrequited love for lives 983 miles away and you still can't bring yourself to just admit it and say it out loud, just like all of those years ago, which in turn screwed you over. I mean, what's he gonna do if you tell him, beat you up? Please, like you're scared of him anyways. You know how to take him down.

Maybe your Uncle is going to take 3 days and drive you to Chicago which is 183 miles away. And lastly, maybe your brother was married to a girl for 2.5 years, only for them to separate and him to meet a girl, fall in love, and help her raise 3 of her 5 kids (because the 2 live oldest with their dad 1,053miles away). And now you are flabbergasted to realize that you now have 5 godchildren, 4 nieces, 1 nephew, and your best friend wants 1 (or3) of her own.

Like I said, numbers are infinite. Just like possibilities. I guess we will all see what 2015 brings our way.