Better late than never.

So.... I took an early lunch on Friday and went and got my driving permit. And yes, I realize that I'm twenty-six and probably should have gotten it years ago, but as that old saying goes, better late than never.

Or, as Blanche Devereaux would say.... better late than pregnant. Definitely both of those things.

There are many reasons that I haven't gotten a permit/license before now. And while I could go into the whole shpeal of it, I won't. Mostly because that's besides the point and no one cares how your irrational fears have held you back in life.

I was incredibly nervous to take the test (which is hilarious considering that is the only test that I've ever been nervous for in my whole life), but I studied, and I passed (and was kind of shocked about it).

I'm trying to conquer the driving thing, no worries, the whole being scared of sharks (but loving shark movies) isn't going anywhere. Momma always says that I never do anything until I'm the one that is ready. People can hound me and poke me and list a million reasons why.... but until I'm ready, it's not going to happen.

She's right, of course.

But the other day I decided, it was time. Just randomly out of the blue, decided. (And with her eye surgery coming up next week, I couldn't have had this epiphany at a more convenient time). I'm not sure why I decided it was time, but that's usually how I make the decisions in my life. I wait until that part of my brain clicks, and then I say- "Ok, let's do this." And do this, I shall.

Am I still afraid of driving? Of course, just because I decided it was time to be able to do it doesn't mean that it isn't still scary to me. It's just that, I'm ready to conquer that fear.... one way or another.

So, wish me luck out there, I'm gonna need it. And also? Maybe keep an extra eye on the road if possible.... you never know when I might come barreling out of nowhere now that I legally can.

Tuesday through Friday and then three more days off.

Christmas was an extremely busy event this year. And, I don't want to sound like I'm complaining (I'M NOT!), I just wanted people to be aware of the busy-ness. (No, that's not even close to a word, but just go with it).

We had our company Christmas party on Friday (and got off at 1:30.... whoop whoop!), Aunt Susi had a Christmas Eve party, and of course.... Christmas itself. It was fun, busy, nice, sweet.... and borderline uneventful.

Which happens to be my absolute favorite part. (And no- that's not me in the below picture, but I like it and it seems to express my current mood, so please just roll with it.).

There was no fighting, fussing, arguing, or knock-down-drag-outs. Which I know sounds more like a UFC fight than a holiday event, but with my family, you can never be too careful.

After we had Christmas dinner (we go down to my Aunt Poot's for holidays) we cleaned up the kitchen and then proceeded to watch John Wayne's- The Cowboys and Stepmom.... because we like variety. And then this conversation happened:

Greg: "Can you believe that Hook is 25 years old?!" Ashley: "I know, it's crazy." Me: "I love that movie." Solae: "So do I, my favorite character is Julio." Me, Greg, and Ashley: "..... who in the f*ck is Julio?!" Solae: "What?!" Me: "Do you mean Rufio?!" Solae: "Yeah, that's it!" And then I proceeded to chant "Rufio-Rufio-Ruf-i-OOOO!!!!" on loop.

Then Momma and I spent the rest of our time watching documentaries (Amanda Knox.... watch it now! More on that later....) and stand-up (#ImBrentMorin) and cleaning our house (if it wasn't for our cool stuff, you would never know that Christmas happened in there.... I took the tree down, and all of the other Christmas paraphernalia got put away until next year.... inside and out). Just the way we like it. 

(And I just stared at my baby tiny Gronk doll that Momma got me.... and it still delights me.).

I hope everyone else is having a wonderful holiday season (it's not over yet!) and that you are getting to spend some much needed time with your loved ones that you hold nearest and dearest to your heart! Stay safe and warm out there, folks!! 

Blanket scarves are so very warm and I'm in love.

Tomorrow is our company Christmas party. And while I'm all for a little celebration (and some food), I kind of just want to go into hibernation and not be around people.... that's totally understandable.... right?!

Did y'all know that Twisted Sisters has a version of "Oh come, all ye faithful?!" I totally forgot about it and just got reminded via the Christmas radio station that Dani forces me to listen to we listen to at work.

Speaking of Christmas.... it's in three days. Or, two days, because on the third day when you wake up it is Christmas.... however you want to count it. Before that though, we have the previously mentioned company Christmas party (Dani only made me responsible for ordering food.... that reminds me, I have to call about some pizza today), and Aunt Susi/Uncle Roger are having a Christmas eve party at their house. I don't know what all y'all are trying to do, it's almost like you're trying to trick me into "being in the holiday spirit" or some shit like that.

Just call me Grinchy McScroogepants.

It's not that I have a distaste for holidays (I'm in love with Halloween), it's just that, there always seems to be so much pressure associated with it. Maybe this year will be different? The last few years haven't been horrible.... they've been real nice.... but I never "feel" what they say you are supposed to. You know, like on Hallmark Christmas movies. I never have that "feeling."

Nevertheless, I did help bake two different kind of cookies (double chocolate cherry cookies and chewy sugar cookies) and made a buttload of fudge and one batch of old-fashioned hard candy. Therefore, I'm pretty sure that I'm well into this holiday season.... I've totally got this.

We were going to make more cookies, candy, and two different kinds of mints (cream cheese and peppermint patties), but Momma and Aunt Poot did the Christmas boxes yesterday and we had enough, so no more mandatory baking from here on out. Although, I am going to have to make some more of those cookies some day, because I didn't even get to eat any of them!

Yesterday (12/21) was the first day of Winter? Could've fooled me.... you know, since it was -2 on Monday. Stay warm out there, folks!! It's going to be a long Winter.... or not. I don't really know.

Wish me luck on these next couple of days.... I think it's going to be a lot of fun (but I'm still going to want to hibernate through it). Oh, and just think, I get two three-day day weekends in a row coming up. Yay, for me and mine!!

Stay safe out there and have a wonderful holiday season with your loved ones.... Merry Christmas.

What's worse? Being cold? Being pukey? Or, being cold while pukey?!

It was one degree outside when I left for work this morning. ONE.

Now, I know that I get up in the morning and I'm out the door for work by 6:00 am.... and I know that winter mornings are colder than winter afternoons (no sun), but y'all have to agree that no matter if you know that it's coming or not, you're never quite prepared for one degree weather until it hits you.

And trust me, a 4:45 am mini walk with your pup so he can potty while you're wearing pajama pants, house shoes, and a coat definitely hits you. Or, at least it did me.

Luckily, there's very little snow out and ice is at the low end.... for now. Honestly, I hope it stays that way, because while cold doesn't tend to bother me (I'll just wear a sweater), I am not a fan of ice/snow. Last Thursday I was cleaning off our car and managed to hit a patch of ice, fall off the curb, hurt my right knee and bend the three middle fingers on my left hand backwards. Because Grace, I am not.

Remember when I told everybody that I had been sick and was feeling better, but still a bit puny? Well.... I may or may not have spent the day throwing up. Like, a lot. As soon as I got to work this morning I had to open Bonehead's door and started heaving.... and all throughout the day. Honestly though, I don't think that I'm sick. I mean, sure "sick" but not "SICK." Does that make sense? No? Hear me out.

I think that I'm having an acid reflux thing going on (how f*cking old am I getting?) that's making me puke everything that I eat/drink.... and bile.... up. That in turn is making me feel like crap, because I can't get anything to stay on my stomach and we all know how much I love food.

Update: it is now Tuesday and while I still feel a bit cruddy (yeah, that's a word), I am feeling better(ish). I got some over the counter acid reflux medicine (seriously, how old am I?) and since I started religiously over-medicating with them.... I feel better. Better(ish). Can I get a Hallelujah?!

HELLUR-LUJAH.

I shouldn't have eaten that sausage dip.

Y'all, I'm just now getting back on my feet from a week ago (and still not very well at it). Wednesday I got up for work and went in perfectly fine.... then 9:00 am hit and all hell broke loose.

I started puking, but after the first time I felt fine and attributed it to getting too dizzy.... and then I puked a second time.... and then a third. Once the third time came and went Danielle demanded that I go home. Not politely asked, but demanded it. She politely asked me if I needed to go home the first two times.... the third she told me to get my ass on somewhere that wouldn't infect her.

So, home I went. Half a day on Wednesday and all of Thursday.

I didn't get up off the couch except to pee without that time frame, either. I just kind of laid there half-ass watching Netflix (TWD) and Lethal Weapon and dozing off.... when I wasn't puking that is. I returned to work on Friday, not feeling all that great, but I hate missing work when I don't have to and it was only one day.... right?! Sure.

I was icky on Friday evening (go figure), but not "horrible" and come Saturday I had a bit more hop in my step and it was our "Annual Girls Get Together" for Christmas. I went, did my thing and had a blast. We did 'Secret Santa', ate a ton of food, exchanged stories, did a few craft (we made air fresheners and hand/whatever warmers that you heat in the microwave out of rice). I started feeling a bit flushed, but nothing ridiculous and once we had our fun (it was three? four? more? hours long) we headed home.

And that's when it hit me. As soon as I walked in the door I had to run to the bathroom to puke.... again.... and this time, it was Dani's delicious sausage dip. You know, delicious when you're eating it, not when you're puking it. And I proceeded to puke the rest of the evening.

I haven't been "sick" since then, but I'm still feeling weak and my stomach could be better.... then again, it could be worse. I think I need to eat a chicken quesadilla to know for sure, but since I don't have one I'll just go ahead and call it. I'm not sure why I still feel cruddy (tired, achy, icky all around), but I do and it bites.... and it's been a week now so COME ON.

On the bright side though, we had a real good time with those hilarious ladies that I'm related to.... well, most of them.... you know who you are party pooper!!

What in the actual f*ck?! I'm just going to ramble for a minute.... or six.

It's been an odd week. The days seem longer, the evenings seem shorter, and I really just want a giant bowl of nachos from Qdoba.... but I digress. Mostly because I'm in the home stretch until the weekend (having four and a half days off and coming back to work for a full week makes you feel the struggle.... or at least, that's what I'm going with).

This whole having holidays/weekends off thing has spoiled me. For years (I got my first "real job" two months before I turned fifteen.... back when you could hire a child and make them perform menial/degrading jobs for little to no pay.... ah, glory days) I worked every holiday and most weekends. And when I say every holiday, I mean it. I always wanted the gals/dudes that I worked with to have the holidays off with their kids, so I would pick up their shifts. But now, the company that I work for is closed on Government holidays (most of them, at least) and my department isn't open on weekends, so you know.... HUZZAH.

Also, I've come to realize that I'm basically a short/chubby version of Sweet Dee.... and I'm good with it.

I need to buy a lottery ticket. Twenty people just won the jackpot in the county that I used to reside in.... and I opened two packets of starbusts (two per pack) and ended up with three pinks and one red, so you can imagine how serious shit is getting right about now.

I've been meaning to be productive this week.... and to some degree, I have been. I'm caught up at work (mostly.... mostly), the inside of the house is decorated for Christmas (and by "decorated" I mean the tree is up with lights/ornaments on it and the couple of placemats with Santa are set out), the house is also clean, I made chocolate fudge (and have eaten none of it.... I don't even like chocolate fudge #pb4life), and Tayder and I are almost all the way through It's Always Sunny (for the second time) on Netflix.... we have our priorities in check.

I answer social media challenges with sarcasm.... and questions. My friend from back in the day (hi, Amanda!) tagged me on FB for a little "challenge". It's one of those things where they have a list of questions and you have to answer them all. Or, you can be like me and ignore/pretend that you didn't see that you were tagged in a post. You know, dealers choice. Here we go....

Do you have a gf/bf? No, I traded one in for happiness and self worth. Do you have animals? I have a small/furry child. Do you love someone? Sure. Do you annoy people? Absolutely.... I have no doubts on this one. Do you wear makeup? When it's needed (aka, at work otherwise I'm too lazy). Are you mean? I'm sarcastic.... and yes, also mean. Tall of short? Hobbit, party of one. Facebook or Twitter? Netflix. Green or Blue? Depends.... we talking clothes or candy? Cinderella or Belle? Jack Sparrow. Hoodies or Jackets? Is going into public with a blanket wrapped around you appropriate? No? Fine, hoodies. Nike or Adidas? I'M CHEAP AND HATE SHOES.... I prefer my boots, thanks though. Sports or no Sport? If I'm playing, no sports.... if Rob Gronkowski is involved, sports all day, every day.  Burger King or KFC? All the food. Just, all of it. Sweatpants or Shorts? Sweatpants.... they usually have pockets for my candy, flask, and allergy pills.

It's really cold outside (the weather has been wishy-washy) and I think that it's here to stay for awhile. Do you know what that means? More nachos and Netflix.... and I can't say that I'm sad about it (so happy). Winter is for avoiding people, drinking alcohol while using the excuse "it's the holiday season" and hibernating as much as possible.... of course, that's also my goal in life. That, and learning how to bake without directions.... I want to be able to just "eyeball" it.

Is a year and a half too late to congratulate your aunt on her retirement?

I mean, it happened in May 2015.... and I mentioned it here and there, but I don't remember ever formally telling people about it. And, I congratulated her (which really is the most important part.... right?), but I just remembered it and found a picture from her last day at work (we worked together) and I wanted to share it.

So, here it is. A year and a half late. HAPPY RETIREMENT, AUNT SUSI. I love you, and miss you (I can say that now, because I know how I feel about it a year and a half later). It took a long time for me to get into a different lunch routine since I used to spend the majority of my day with you for two years. It's weird and good all at the same time.

It's good, because I literally couldn't be happier for you, and I'm excited for you to get to do all of the things that you've always wanted, but had too many responsibilities tying you down to go.

And remember, technically I'm not at the year and a half mark until the 27th of this month, so give me a little bit of credit.... maybe. Afterall, I embarrassed myself at Duckpin Bowling for you!!

Your party was fun, your pink hard hat still hangs proudly, and even though I get to see you less, the time that we do get to spend together is always awesome. I know that you're patiently waiting for Uncle Roger to retire so that you two can go on your many adventures (and I can't wait for you to get to do that), but like you say, good things come to those whom are patient and wait. Patience is a virtue. And that other thing, be calm and collected.

Even though that saying doesn't describe not one woman in our family.... but that's besides the point.

I hope that you're having the best time that you can be having right now (you're on vacation right this second, but I meant just your whole life in general), that you're letting the road take you where it may (you can go places throughout the week not just the weekend now!), and I hope that you remember that even though I don't get to spend as much time with you, I still love you to pieces and will eat peanut butter with you like it's going out of style.

Here's to you (and no, I'm not squatting in that picture, it's my pants that make me look like that). I love you and no worries, I'll watch all those gross/scary zombie shows so you don't have to. Xoxo.

Hummin.... uhhh.... what kind of cake?!

Have y'all ever heard of hummingbird cake?

If not, I'm going to go ahead and tell you that it's a whole lot less disgusting than it sounds (i.e. no hummingbirds were injured in the making of this cake).

I was actually pretty young the first time that I had heard of it (it's a widely popular southern dessert), but hadn't ever had the opportunity to try it (and probably wouldn't have depending on my age, because I would've been under the impression that it was bird cake.... no thanks).

Recently I had stumbled upon it (I don't even remember what I was reading that mentioned it), and once I learned what it actually was, I had to give it a try. Afterall, who doesn't want this kind of snack lying around for a chilly/tv watching treat on a weekend (i.e. it pairs great with alcohol)?

The recipe (I just googled "easy hummingbird cake recipes") calls for: yellow or white boxed cake mix (for us lazy folks that like our shit at least 1/2 made already), bananas, maraschino cherries, crushed pineapple, cinnamon, pecans or walnuts, and I'm sure some other stuff that I can't remember at the moment.

(Side note: Some of the best advice that I have ever received came from my cousins husband regarding bananas. He told me, "always banana to mouth, Katie, never mouth to banana." Duly noted.).

And I say that, because the first time that I followed the recipe my cake fell apart, tasted weird, and in all honesty wasn't all that great. The second time that I made it (this past Saturday evening), it was much better. It's traditionally a two-three layer cake.... but I can't accomplish a layered cake to save my life (Duff Goldman, I am not), so I just made a one layer cake, because it's my cake and I could.

In almost all of the "easy cake recipes" that they offer on this, they always say not to get the box cake mix that has pudding in it.... I'm here to tell you that pudding is delicious and it can only help. Pudding haters. The recipe also wasn't very specific on whether or not you make the cake like its box says, or to just go by their recipe.... I followed box directions. Then to it I added, almost a whole jar of chopped maraschino cherries, one can of crushed pineapple, three mashed bananas, one teaspoon of cinnamon, and baked at 350° until the toothpick that I inserted in the center came out clean (around thirty-five to forty minutes.... I think).

And then once it cooled I put cream cheese frosting (that I had mixed chopped walnuts into) on the top of it and it was delicious. It's a really sweet kind of cake, so don't plan on being able to eat a bunch of it at once (if you're a glutton like me), but you should at the very least try it. I shared mine (because I'm just nice like that) and we still have leftovers.... I'm not sad about it.

If y'all need me, I'll be hiding in my fort.

To say that the last couple of weeks have been hectic would be a vast understatement.

I've talked a bit here and there on the fact that my job is trying out this new trial thing with me, a "promotion" kind of, to see if we can streamline a few things and make life a bit easier for all involved. It's more work for me, but I like to stay busy and it's a bit more money, so I was completely on board.

Dani decided to start me off slow, working on a couple of projects, nothing too large scale, because there is in fact a learning curve. We all knew this going in and were fine with it. And things went pretty great.... for about three days.

And no, I haven't been fired and we haven't changed our minds about it, kind of the opposite actually.

What happened was three days into trying out this new position/experiment a co-worker of ours got taken to the hospital.... and while I'm not comfortable sharing his health stories (they're not mine to tell), I will just leave it at it's going to be quite some time before he gets to come back, if ever, and we are all hoping/praying for his health to improve. The most important thing is that, while I am kind of "venting" I would like it clearly stated that I am not holding this against him or his health in any way. Getting better is our tip-top hope for him.

With that being said, what was left behind in his unexpected absence was a cluster f*ck to say the least. Each one of our workers has a very specific job, with multiple projects that only they deal with.... so when someone has to take over all of those projects at various stages of bid and completion?

ANARCHY. (And not the Sons of, kind).

All at once we had no clue what was done, what needed done, what was/was not scheduled for work, where anything was, or who needed what for 1/3 of the company. The first day (last Thursday) we worked from 6:00 am (the time I always come to work) non-stop until 4:00 pm, including working through lunch while trying to shove pizza down our throats without choking to death/puking on all of our paperwork.

What's that old saying? "Toss your hair up in a bun, drink some coffee, put on some gangsta rap, and handle it." Thank you, Eminem. That's all I have to say, because nothing gets you to want to "handle shit" quite like Marshall Mathers does.... or is that just for me? Either way, that man and caffeine has been my saving grace for the past week.

There is so much stuff everywhere that our office looks like either a bomb went off, a twister went through, or we've decided to build a fort and wait out winter (something that I will in fact be doing at my own house, not here). There are papers everywhere, samples sprawled throughout, and the faintest scent of disdain in the air. Don't even get me started on the post-its (we have Romy and Michele quotes in abundance) that are stuck to every surface imaginable.

And now, it's still a cluster f*ck (and not depleting whatsoever in its cluster f*ckness), but we already know that and while it's a giant pain in the ass and we don't foresee it getting any better (or peoples moods improving at any point), we're trying.... and I've managed to catch onto quite a lot that we all thought would take weeks-months. Nothing says "take that learning curve" kind of like the only other option being to crash and burn.

And while that is still an option, we're kind of too pissed off to let it happen. 

I'm not actually going to do it.

You guys ever have one of those moments that you think to yourself- "if I wasn't such a puss, I'd totally do that"? I am currently having one of those moments and even though I know I won't be giving into it anytime soon (if ever in my lifetime), it's still a random thought that crosses my mind.

It plagues every woman's mind at one point or another.... or continuously. And that thought?

......... maybe I should just cut my hair.

But, I don't just think "maybe I should cut my hair".... I always take it a step further by thinking "maybe I should cut my hair.... REALLY SHORT." What's the worse that could happen.... right?!

I'll tell you what the worse that could happen is, I could end up looking like some weird combo of Sméagol and Lloyd Christmas, that's what. And if we're totally honest with each other, we would just admit that the chance of that happening are pretty high.

Besides, every time I do cut my hair, I end up hating it. Like, on a whole new horizon of hate. We're talking Ursula the Sea Witch up in here. The last time my hair was long and I cut it shorter, I hated it. Legit hated it. I actually cried once; not because I hated it to the brink of tears, but once I realized I couldn't pull it up into a proper ponytail, the eye water just flowed.

And my hair is WAY longer now and I'm talking about cutting it FAR shorter than it has ever been.

I'm not actually going to do it (one, because I'm fairly certain that I'd hate it, my hair is afterall, down to the far middle of my back right now and two, because you know, Lloyd), but Momma and I were talking the other night and I told her that if I ever cut my hair "short" again, I was just gonna go all out and pixie that shit. She decided that would be the way to do it.

But for now, I'll keep my long hair (I'm still in my twenties and can relatively still "maintain" my mop.... contrary to popular belief and the fact that I regularly look like a hobo), and think about the haircut that could have been.

....And I'll leave this picture as a dare to do it.... and the other as a reminder of why I don't.

When you feel like friendship is more of an obligation.

People in life come and go, there's absolutely no disputing that. Sometimes it's for the better, sometimes it's because no one had a choice in the matter.

....Other times, it's because only one person had the choice. It really only takes one person to make that decision and instead of holding onto something that kind of just weighs heavy on your mind and soul, isn't it sometimes easier to just let it go? It's not necessarily giving up, but just accepting what the situation actually is.

I've stumbled upon this conclusion quite recently.... about a "friend" of mine. And I say "friend" that way because, I have always considered her a friend, but have come to realize in the last few years that we're not friends anymore. At least not in the way that we used to be. We're "friends" out of feelings of obligation at this point. Honestly, we no longer have anything in common, we hardly ever speak (we haven't actually spoken in a couple of months), and to be one hundred percent truthful.... we don't even really like each other anymore.

And, I know that sounds horrible, and maybe it is, but we've known each other for so long that we've convinced ourselves that we're still friends, but we really haven't been friends in probably.... seven.... eight years? That's a long time to hold onto something that you both know isn't even there.

Sure, we know things about each other, and I wish her the very best, but I don't feel like we should go out of our way to communicate and be in each others lives when neither of us even wants to be. We've been "going through the motions of our friendship" for years, because we've known each other since we were little kids and have been through a lot together.... but it's all been exactly that. Just going through the motions.

I came to this conclusions a couple of months back when she asked me for my honest opinion, I told her what it was, and we haven't spoken since. Why? Because neither of us even likes the other enough to dispute and/or fight for it. I text her one other time to ask about her well being, she never responded, and after thinking on it a bit, I realized that I didn't even care and maybe it's for the best.

And I'm fine with that. Sure, we've had some good times and we're in a ton of each others memories.... but is all of the bullshit really worth trying to keep up with something that hasn't even been true in years? I just don't think that it is. And neither does she. So, we're not enemies, no one is sad, everyone knows what happened.... we're just a couple of people that were friends as kids and someone who is in a few old pictures.

And while that might be a harsh realization.... at least it is in fact real.

It's rude to make someone feel old at 5:30 am.

(I'm young but, still very aware that I'm not getting any younger).

This morning I realized that the kid I used to babysit (well, I babysat him and his two brothers) graduated from highschool this past year. And his youngest brother (he was a little baby at the time) is now playing junior high football. As with most middle children, I have no effing clue what's going on with the middle brother (Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!!) but, he's still hanging out in there somewhere. Did y'all hear me? One has graduated, the other is in highschool, and the youngest is in junior high taking hits on the field.

WHAT IN THE HELL IS EVEN HAPPENING?!!

I swear, I'm not old yet. I mean, I've technically always been a little ole ninety- two year old man at heart BUT, in all actuality I am only twenty- six. That's young!! It's an adult age (and creeping up on thirty) but still young. Let's just say, I'm not going to be collecting social security anytime soon. But, I do have to say, when I realized that the oldest boy graduated this past year, the first thought that came through my mind was- "Fuuuucccccckkkkkk yyyyooouuuuu, guuuuuuyyyyyyyyyssssssssss." Because, I'm mature and why wouldn't it be?

I kid (mostly) but, watching teens today makes me realize not only how much tolerance I do not possess for teenagers but also, how I was weird as shit when I was a teenager (and how weird as shit I am right now). Not weird in the general description of weird but, weird in my own way. Example:

Sixteen year old girls today: "Girl, I can't go until I fix my hair. I'm either gonna straighten and/or curl it.... I don't know which one yet, maybe both!! I gotta look good for my man."
Me at sixteen: "Whatever, this half-ass, lopsided, ponytail will do. It's only falling down in the back.... and the sides.... and kind of in the front. I don't even care, if dude doesn't like it, he can get somebody else to ride in his damn truck with him."

Twenty- six year old women today: "Being an adult is hard but, I gotta look good. I mean, you never know who you'll run into!!"
Me at twenty- six: "Whatever, this half-ass, lopsided, ponytail will do. It's only falling down in the back.... and the sides.... and kind of in the front. I don't even care, if people don't like it, they can kiss it."

I'm serious, you would think that I was ninety-two, but alas, not even close. I did feel pretty damn old reading about those kids this morning though (remind me to never do that again). But, you know what? I'm good with it. You guys just keep getting older and I'll just keep drinking alcohol, eating nachos, and watching y'all make me old as shit. I'm good with it.

52 has never looked so good.

(Happy Birthday, Momma).

This beautiful lady right here turns 52 today. I couldn't be any luckier in the "Mom Department" if they tried. She is, hands down, the best mother, friend, and woman that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I love you more than you'll ever know, Momma. You're my best friend, mother, and most importantly, my heart. Happy Birthday, Lemondrop. ❤️

(Also, you'll be happy to know that I posted this birthday message/image on social media and the not so unanimous vote is- I look just like my Momma. And you know what? I'm more than good with it!!)

Labor Day weekend is upon us.

(And I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning).

Y'all, after my work day today (that I desperately just wanted to sleep through.... but couldn't even sleep), I'm off for three days. Why? Because Monday is Labor Day and I now have one of those jobs in life that is sometimes closed (unlike every other job that I've ever had). And let's just say, I'm totally not sad about it. In fact, I'm the exact opposite of sad (and really glad that I don't have to mow grass this evening).

Big weekend plans? Nope. Tomorrow (Saturday) Momma and I are going with Aunt Poot down to see Aunt T and Uncle Clyde. We went down and seen them towards the end of June, but with the seasons changing and winter coming (apparently that's a thing for Game of Thrones fans?), we don't know how many trips we have left in us before we'll have to sludge through the snow and muck to make it down there.

Other than that, I'm pretty sure that we don't have any plans, whatsoever. My big plan is hopefully to take enough allergy meds to knock my bitch ass out, so I can finally get some sleep (Insomnia: Party of One, right here). That, and we'll probably chillax at the house, because that's what we like to do and I have some serious Netflixing to get on top of.... the rest of Season 5 Baby Daddy drops today and I need to know what happens with Danny/Riley.... and Tiny Tucker). Plus, you know, Movies on Demand has Me Before You and apparently I want to have some feelings or some shit.... IN THE PRIVACY OF MY OWN HOME.

We'll have the house to ourselves (Momma, Tayder, and I.... like we usually do), so I'm also hoping that I'll get to have a burrito and some pizza at some point. Because goals, people. I probably sound kind of crazy right now.... did I mention that I haven't been sleeping good (or, at all) for a few months now? It was ok at first, but now I think it's starting to catch up.

Fingers crossed that I get out of here early today. Have a fantastic weekend, have fun, and DO NOT drink and drive!!

I studied and went to a birthday party.

(I've been out of school for eight years. Oy.... that hurts my soul to say).

Remember on Tuesday when I said that Shelley wanted Momma and me to come to their apartment for Madisyn's birthday? Well, last night we went and had a good time. It was only Momma, Aunt Poot, Solae, and I besides Shelley, her hubby, and their three kids, but we all had a great time, regardless. There was cake and chunky babies, and really, what more do you need? Plus, Momma and I always have a great time together and when you add Aunt Poot into the mix, things only get better.

We all just hung out and talked. I hadn't gotten to see Shelley since Payton's birthday party (last December), so we had a thing or two to catch up on. Oh, and we swapped phone numbers (again) because we try to stay in touch, but we're very terrible at it.

Madisyn has grown so much!! You see all of her adorableness? Yeah, that's twenty-six pounds of cuteness, right there. Y'all should see her chunky little thighs. Cutest shit that I've ever seen in my entire life. She didn't want anybody to hold her but Shelley, no worries though, I bribed her into liking me, so she let me carry her around for a bit. (Oh, and I helped Solae study for her science test that she has today while we were in the car last night. Keep your fingers crossed for her!!).

Hopefully, we won't have to wait for another birthday to see Shelley and the family again!! We really need to get better at that.

Is Tuesday morning too late to cry for the weekend that was or too early to cry for the weekend that isn't here yet?

(Can we look into some food right about now?!).

Is it just me or do the weekends seem to fly by without a care in the world? The same thing goes for evenings after work. All day at work yesterday, I swear I was there for at least nineteen hours.... and then.... as soon as I got home, POOF. Evening gone. I looked down before I even realized it and was like- "how in the hell is it already 7:30?" I just didn't know how the madness was possible. But, I mean, I had a burrito and candy for dinner, so who's the real winner in all of this? ME. (And Momma and Tayder).

It didn't do anything, but rain all day Saturday and since it was beyond gross, we stayed in for the day and cleaned and watched movies. (I only minimally cleaned on Saturday, I did the real cleaning on Sunday). Most people would say that's an extremely lazy way to spend a whole day and night, but I don't give a crap; it was great. We ran through The Debt (beyond excellent), The Boss (Melissa McCarthy cracks me up.... and Peter Dinklage? YES.), and Exeter (creepy, and good). Not to mention I made a vanilla cake FROM SCRATCH, because the only sweet thing we had anywhere in our house was a can of chocolate frosting (no worries, I have rectified that situation and gotten candy since). The cake was a lot thicker than you remember, because box cakes are different, but it was pretty good. Try this one.

And of course, poor Tayder has had two baths within three days, because he is the most pitiful little ichibum that you've ever seen in your entire life. And Momma's had a headache that she couldn't shake for about three days, but finally yesterday, we got it shaken.... not stirred (Ha! I got jokes). Sorry, I'm a little delirious. I rolled over this morning and I was just about to pass out again when my alarm started going off (insert sad face here). Oh, and Shelley wants Momma and I to come to her house with Aunt Poot tomorrow, because Madisyn is already a year old (and I'm getting old as shit). I don't know if we're going or not, but I reckon we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Here's to another week and pulling through it. Good luck to us all.

For some reason, it's been a really "off" couple of days.

(I feel "fine".... just.... "off.").

"Because, sometimes, when you're having a really weird and/or bad day, and you can't help but to feel "off", all it takes is one good friend to make it better. Thanks a million, and I miss you a lot."

Do y'all ever have one of those mornings that as soon as you wake up, you're like, "nope, this morning is not for me?" That was me as soon as my alarm went off this morning. Every morning your body wants you to sleep in, you have to get up early. And every morning that you have the opportunity to sleep in? WIDE AWAKE. Your mind is just full of the important questions that won't let you rest. Questions like, "why do we exist as human beings?" And, "who was the first guy that was holding a potato and thought, I'm gonna make vodka out of this?"

I feel just fine. A little tired, but nothing major, and certainly not sick or bad. I just feel a little bit.... "off." I'm going to blame it on the fact that I'm hungry and we both know that I'm just not me when I'm hungry. Where's a Snickers bar when you need one?! I probably just need a good movie night with pizza and a few snuggles with that ole puppy dog of mine (hi, Tayder!), and I'll be good as new. Ok, maybe not as good as new, because Lord knows I ain't getting any younger over here, but you know what I mean.

Oh, and Noodle finally got ahold of me last night. But more on that later.

Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at supper time.

(And for lunch today, because yolo.).

I have a couple of friends named Tabby that I've known almost my entire life, and her husband Mikey (who is also my friend and have known forever and a day), that used to live next door to us in apartment#2 in Tennessee. We all like to refer to that time as the "you never know when one of us is gonna show up and eat your food and use your freezer" phase. Basically, we left our doors unlocked and all of us would come in and out of each others places and it was kind of like we all lived together just separated by one big wall.

It worked for us.

We had movie nights (Mikey had a giant tv and we made good use of it- Star Trek? YES.), cooked for each other, ran to the others bathroom if ours was occupied, watched each others dogs (and their cat), and all was well that ended well. Or, however that saying goes. We never had any problems and I'd go on record about saying they're pretty much the best neighbors (and friends) that you could have.

Tabby and me like to cook. She's more of a recipe kind of gal and I'm more of a "fly by the seat of your pants and see what happens" kind. We learned that when you put those two things together, you can come up with some very interesting things. By far, my favorite thing that she ever cooked for me (and she cooked a lot) is her bbq/chicken pizza. It is so amazing and delicious. I'm hungry right now just thinking about it. I haven't had it in so long (since before we moved to Indiana), and I wanted it so bad that I sent her a message for the recipe (because you don't want to fly on this one- it's fantastic just like she makes it).

Her message to me:

Bbq chicken pizza is really easy. ...... All you need is: a pizza crust (I use the kind in a can like biscuits); boneless skinless chicken; bbq sauce; sliced tomatoes; onion (I use red onion) and mozzarella cheese;

Step 1: Cook chicken in skillet basting with bbq sauce
Step 2: Cook pizza crust according to directions
Step 3: To assemble pizza, spread bbq sauce all over crust, shred chicken and add next, then add cheese, on top of cheese add tomatoes and onions and cook (350° for however long it needs). Some people like a crispier crust, some like it a bit softer.

Seriously, that's it.

P.S. I totally added pineapple to ours, because we had it, it went, and it was so very delicious. #NoRegrets

You like her whole "add cheese on top of cheese" comment? We are definitely a couple of cheese lovers (except blue cheese, because ew gross). And now, thanks to her, I have a delicious new dinner (or let's be honest, snack) to make often. I know it's fantastic all by itself, but if I get the chance to throw pineapple on something, I usually do. Except salad, I don't want any kind of fruit in my salad.

I may not make the prettiest pizzas, but thanks to her I sure do make a delicious one.

It's finally Friday and all I want to do is drink wine and eat chicken and watch tv and sleep.

(I honestly thought about just ignoring my alarm and responsibilities this morning).

Have y'all ever had one of those weeks where no matter what you do there never seems to be enough time to accomplish everything and by the end you're totally exhausted? That's my life at the moment. And it's not even that there are a lot of things going on, but it's just that the work hours have been really long, and all of the other hours seem to disappear without a trace (you know, the ones that let you do things like cook, clean, go to the grocery store, mow your grass, watch your favorite tv shows, and sleep).

After work yesterday Momma and I ran out to get those fans and we just grabbed a bite while we were out, because cooking was not in the cards for either of us. When we got home I assembled the fans (just call me Tim the Toolman Taylor), and then we gave our house the thorough cleaning that it so desperately deserved (dust = death), did laundry and finally got to take a shower and sit down for two minutes. By the time we got all of that done and showers, it was far after eleven.

So, this morning when my alarm went off at 4:45 am (yes, I know I have to get up over asscrack early- trust me, I know) calling me to my adult responsibilities? All I wanted to do was sleep. I wanted to say the hell with being an adult (because it's the worst) and I wanted to sleep until almost noon (fat chance, I can never sleep late like that) and then eat and do little to nothing for the rest of the day. But did I do that?

NO. The answer to that is hell no. Why?! Because I have this thing called self preservation and while I'm good with filling my body full of alcohol, candy, and bacon cheeseburgers, I am not good with someone showing up at my house at five in the morning to pounce on me and drag my bitch ass to work against my will (I'm looking at you, Danielle). I figured it would just be easier to drag my own bitch ass to work against my will. Saves everybody gas money that way.

But after 3:30 this afternoon? I'm home free for two days, fourteen hours and thirty minutes. Or, 3750 minutes. You know, to make it sound like it's more time than it actually is. And I'm going to try to milk the weekend goodness for all it's worth. And probably eat a bunch of good food and drink too much (tonight). And try to talk Momma into gas station chicken (yes, I'm one of those weird ass people that loves gas station food) and a ride to DiscReplay (again, tonight- let's see if they have old school Terminator and Outsiders).

It's the little things.

Every time I'm in air conditioning, I get ridiculously hungry.

(It's weird as hell).

I know why I'm getting hungry on a whole new level, but it doesn't mean that I feel like it's normal. You see, as of this moment we don't have any air conditioning in our house (don't worry, we're going to get some fans today so it will be livable- it's been anywhere from 87° to 93° in our house for days), therefore eating isn't high on the priority list. I don't know about you, but when I'm hot my appetite is a no show. And that's not a good thing for me, because my eating habits are strange enough without another factor butting in.

So, because I'm not really eating at home (me, Momma, nor Tayder are), whenever one of us gets cooled down (i.e. work or the grocery store) we become so hungry that it begins to be a serious problem. In the words of Boyd Crowder "I'm so hungry right now, I could eat the ass out of a low flying duck." (The man is just classy and knows what's up).

And sleeping? Forget about it. I think I passed out for about an hour yesterday afternoon and that is the most consistent sleep that has happened all week. I worry about Momma and Tayder to the point of that's why we're getting air and/or more fans tomorrow. I don't want either of them getting so hot that they get sick. That's just not good on any level. So, hopefully this day/ evening won't be too awfully horrible and by tomorrow we can get it taken care of (wish us luck). And then we can all relax.

And eat chicken. Because, you know, HUNGER.

It's a bird. It's a plane. NO!! It's Sammy D.

(Yes, it's Sammy D - strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men).

Hey that's me!! Kidding. That's not really me. But it is my little cousin. See how cute he is? And tall. Very tall. He's only eight for crying out loud!! Eight and ornery as the day is long.

I've just recently started getting to see Sammy on a (semi)regular basis. His dad is my cousin (whom I don't even talk to), but him and Sammy's mother are divorced and since my aunt (his grandma) gets to babysit him a couple of times a week, we get to see him.

Remember when I mentioned him on his birthday?! Same little guy. But I swear he's grown a foot since then.

He's as lovable as they come. Seriously, Momma and I went over to visit Aunt Poot and Uncle Darrell and he just so happened to be there (you know, getting babysat over his summer break) and he walked right over to me, jumped on my lap, and hugged me until I almost couldn't breathe. Almost.

Then he insisted on showing me how he wanted his hair done (fire hydrant red) and he sat there on his Ipad looking stuff up and we just talked. It's amazing how much I have in common with him (mostly, our food palate- only I think his might be a bit more refined than mine). And then his mom came and picked him up and he made sure to give out hugs galore and "I love yous" for the whole crowd. And by crowd, I mean me, Momma, Aunt Poot and Uncle Darrell.

I don't even flinch or get an eye twitch when he hugs me (and yes, that is my usual reaction to children). He's getting far too big, far too quickly, but you know what? I'm glad I get to see it, because it really is an amazing thing to experience. I may not want my own kids (for real, I don't want any of my own EVER so quit asking), but it certainly is amazing to watch the ones I love grow from these teeny tiny little blobs of spit and cries into the awesome little people that they are.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go tuck my sentimental self back in. WHERE SHE BELONGS.

How in the f*ck is it only Tuesday?!

(Are we being serious right now?!).

Here it is Tuesday and the only thing I have to show for it is the fact that I'm dragging my ass further into this week. What happened? It seems like it was just Friday night and the next thing you know my alarm was going off at 4:45 am Monday morning for work. No, this isn't a trick, I really do get up at 4:45 am for work. I know, I accept your condolences.

I think people are trying to trick me. How? Because I'm pretty sure that it's at least Thursday evening and they're just not telling me. NOT FUNNY YOU GUYS. I'm kind of waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out from behind one of our filing cabinets and be all- "Just kidding, Katie! Oh, we got you good!! Now go home and chill for the next fifteen days." (I don't know why fifteen, but it sounded really good in my head). How old did I just make myself sound with that whole Ashton Kutcher/ Punk'd reference? You know what, don't answer that. It'll probably just piss me off.

And because I'm having one of those kind of want to nap/ kind of want to cook a twelve course meal days, I've been a bit more sarcastic than usual. I know, I didn't think it was possible either. But alas, here we are. And here we shall remain until it's time to blow this popsicle stand.

At least it's only 75° out..... and raining.

I can't wait to complain about how cold it is..... again.

(This summer is being a little bitch and I am not a fan. I always liked fall/winter better anyways).

(The above picture is from a blog post written by Samantha Irby over at Bitches Gotta Eat. I had to share it, because it reflects my sentiments perfectly.).

Do y'all remember when I was talking about winter sticking around for an unusual amount of time this year, and how everybody was going crazy from cabin fever, because going out was like dipping your balls (whether you have physical or metaphorical ones) in the same water that took Jack Dawson? We were all in denial and still doing events for warm weather, even though we were cold as shit. Remember all of that? Well, good news, that is no longer the case.

In fact, the weather changed around overnight and I mean that 100%. On a Thursday night it was 27° and the following Friday it got up to 89°. And that's not even an over-exaggeration. It literally went from freezing into Mad Max for an entirely different reason. As in, now it's so hot and dry it feels like a desert wasteland. Or something like that.

The humidity is at an all time high, and it's currently 93° outside. And it's 11:31 am. Yeah, it's already 93° this early in the day. And let's not even talk about the humidity and heat index. Ugh. And it's supposed to be this temp/humidity all week and possibly for the rest of my life, because global warming and shit.

Come on, mother nature, with this election coming up, we have enough to worry about and fear besides the temperature. Have a little sympathy over here. Whatever happened to predictability of seasons? Being predictable isn't all that bad, you know. Don't listen to anyone who says otherwise at this instant. Just let me know, I know a couple of people that will fight them over it.

Y'all should see my hair. That is probably the most hilarious part out of everything. You remember that scene in the Lion King where Simba jumps in the water and then shakes out and his hair is bigger than anything naturally is in the jungle? Yeah, think that plus Weird Al and you may be on the right track to understanding whatever this is on top of my head. I've been trying to tame it with frizz spray, hair dryers, straighteners, hairspray, and anything else I can get my grubby little paws on, and so far, I look only mildly scary.

So..... win?

I could've stayed in bed today. In bed's where I belong.

(It's raining like no other outside).

Have you ever had one of those days where as soon as you wake up your brain just immediately starts running 100 mph? And not even necessarily about important things, but about random shit and things that you don't even need to worry about? Happened to me this morning.

This past weekend was pretty low-key (which I'm more than good with). Thursday Aunt Poot and Solae came over for dinner, and Friday Momma and I went with them out for supper. We went to a place called "Mug-n-Bun". The food was really good, but it was a little expensive. And by little, I mean, holy hell is their food cased in gold or something? For real.

I think the most "strenuous" thing that I did over the weekend was clean the house and give Tayder a bath (and he was not happy about it). The rest of the time was spent just hanging out and watching Criminal Minds (and now my paranoia is at a all time high).

Dani and them are officially on their vacation, which means I'm going to have the office all to myself this week. (I turned the radio station off of npr and onto the country music station first thing this morning). I don't mind, I just do all of my work and go with the flow. I'll be having a few days off this coming September. Momma has to have surgery on her eyes, so I'm going to take a couple of days off for that. I know, we know how to party on vacation. But, I want to be there when she has the surgery and the next day for her recovery time.

Now if y'all will excuse me, I have some random thoughts to drive myself crazy with.

I forgot that it was already the end of June and time is flying.

(Because it was a really weird few days).

Hey guys- I'm going to just go ahead and jump right on in with all of this.

I left work early (a little after 11:00) last Thursday, because we (Aunt Poot and I) had to take Momma to the hospital. She had went to the doctor on Tuesday and when her doctor realized how high her blood glucose was, he called and told us to take her immediately. It had been really good for awhile, but the pharmacy screwed up her prescription refill (and I cussed them on every level imaginable), so she was out of her insulin for a bit. And by "a bit", I mean entirely too long.

So, we took her to the ER and they gave her fluids, insulin, and directions for me. You see, I was allowed to take her home, but with strict guidelines and insulin maintenance. Therefore, I was out of work on Friday (only going out long enough to hit the Kroger to pick up a couple of drinks and suitable food and Tylenol for Momma and come straight home), and she's felt bad for awhile, but things are finally starting to get back on track. Slowly but surely. (You can probably tell that she's still puny from the above picture).

Saturday we went with Aunt Poot and Solae to see our Aunt T and Uncle Clyde. They live about an hour and a half or so away down in Seymour, IN and we try to get down there as often as possible. It was nice to see them, although Aunt T always insists on feeding us (it's just in her nature or something), and this time she made tuna salad. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, BUT I hate tuna salad more than almost any other thing on the planet. Seriously, not trying to be dramatic, but NOOOO...... I had a sandwich and nibbled a couple of bites off of it until I was able to sneak it away from myself, and immediately wash my mouth out with Hi-C and bbq chips. I don't think that she noticed.

Then, we got tricked into going with Uncle Clyde to his family reunion. And we proceeded to meet a million people whose names I can't remember, but for the most part were friendly enough. They insisted on taking our picture to put in the "ancestry" report (we're related to some of them through my great-grand mother), and we were invited to all future events. One of the little old ladies was as cute as she could be, she had three fingers, Alzheimer's and was 92 years old, but she was so very lovable and insisted that I was one of the most beautiful girls that she had ever met..... needless to say, she was my favorite and she kept randomly finding me to hold my hand. Another guy didn't think I looked old enough to even be out of high school yet..... he's on the thumbs up list to.

We didn't stay very long, but Poot exchanged information with one of the ladies and I think they might keep in touch. Or semi in touch. Something along those lines. When we left we hit the McDonalds (for the bathroom- and I'm really glad that we did, because there was a little old couple that needed some help and I was able to help them out and that really made for a better day all together), and we cruised into the Christmas Tree Shop. Don't worry, it's not a place for only Christmas related products (we also stopped into a Goody's and realized that their prices are ridiculous). Momma and I didn't really pick up too much of anything (some nasal spray?), but Aunt Poot picked up a couple of things for herself..... and an elephant wine holder for ME that is all too damn cute!! She snuck it in the cart and out to pay and surprised me with it later. She didn't have to do that, but it was very nice of her and I love it!!

After that, Momma and I relaxed and watched TV and cleaned for the rest of the weekend (it's been abnormally/unseasonably hot the last couple of months), only going out to hit the grocery store for a couple of things and the RedBox. Tayder really likes it when we just hang out with him. Plus, we like to keep it low-key and just hang out when we have downtime, so that's what we do. She's still feeling pretty puny, but she's getting better little by little!! Cross your fingers and wish us luck. 

The eventful horizon weekend didn't go down as planned.

(But don't worry, that's not a bad thing).

Remember how I said that an eventful weekend was on the horizon and I was going to get french toast? Well, that didn't exactly go as planned. We didn't go to the fair either (it doesn't open until next weekend, because we got the dates wrong). But, that's not necessarily a bad thing.

In fact, Momma and I had a pretty nice day. We went to Sonic (my favorite) to get us a slushie and we ended up getting a new window air conditioner, because while we can deal right now, come July, August, and September, we would be fairly miserable without help. It's currently in my bedroom window and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to sleep like a teeny tiny baby tonight.

But that may or may not have something to do with the entire bottle of wine (Momma got me) that I consumed. (It's Mallow Run Rhubarb Wine- you can get it at CVS and I suggest that you go out and get you some right damn now).

Our breakfast got postponed to next weekend and by the time we get there, I'm going to be pretty damn hungry!! Solae had her last ballgame today, we didn't go (I can't have Momma out in the direct sun with her medicine like that), but I hear they played a great game. They lost by one run (final score: 6-7) and that means that softball season is officially over (thank all that is holy). Also, we're having a Father's Day cookout for Uncle Darrell tomorrow. I know he's not my dad, but the guy deserves everything and more!!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to watch some Kevin Hart and talk to a very dear friend of mine. We're discussing very important topics..... Like, clones, popsicles, and the Terminator movies. You know, the important things in life.

There's a busy weekend on the horizon.

(I'm already tired just thinking about it).

Have you ever made plans and get excited and completely wore out by the thought of it all at once? It's like you can't wait for all of this to happen, but at the same time, you're also thinking- "I'm already tired tomorrow, what's going to happen in a couple of days?"

That's where I am right now.

I'm excited for this weekend to get here. Momma, Aunt Poot, and I are going to have a good time and be incredibly busy. The fun kind of busy where you're doing things at a steady pace, but it's things that you actually want to do. I think people call that "having plans" or something. I wouldn't know, because I try to avoid all things social (remind me to tell you what my brother did to me- I may still punch him in the throat for it), but every now and then, I make a couple.

And this weekend falls on that spectrum. The incredibly rare one.

Mostly, we're just all going to hang out and do random things, but we also plan on going to breakfast Saturday morning and the fair come Saturday evening. And all sorts of things in between. Personally, I'm the most excited about breakfast (give me french toast w/ fruit or give me death!..... or something dramatic like that), but it's also going to be nice to just relax and have a fun little day. We don't ride carnival rides or anything like that at the fair, we just like to go and look around.

They usually have some pretty neat things to gander at. One year they had an entire display tent dedicated to horror movies with Freddy Krueger patrolling the door. That year my cousin Ashley and her wife Val went with us and Ashley is petrified of Krueger, so needless to say shit went down and what went down was a thirty year old woman running through the fairgrounds screaming like a tiny little troll.

Usually Solae would be attached at my hip during all of this, but she's staying with her friend Reagan alot this summer, so I'm pretty sure that she won't even be home come Saturday. Which is good, we all want her to have fun and see her friends when they're out of school. Although this summer break of hers she is trying to talk me into either a) going zip-ling with her b) going to an entire gymnasium full of trampolines with her or c) all of the above. She'll eventually wear me down and win, I know she will, but for now I enjoy pretending that I didn't hear what she said when she asked last month.

And Sunday (if it's not too hot- we'll see, forecast says 93°) we're going to have a cookout for Fathers Day for Uncle Darrell. Like I said, if it's too hot we all might decide eff that and order pizza, but for now, the plan is cookout. I guess we'll see when it gets here. I should probably find time somewhere in there to mow grass too, but let's be honest, I don't want to and our grass needs a serious break (the sun has managed to kill a bunch of it and a box of our flowers..... and our entire daisy collection..... and warped a few more. Needless to say, the sun has been vicious this summer and it's only the middle of June!!

I'm so excited for french toast at this point. 

The 500. What do I have to say about that?

(My biggest anniversary yet).

I realized this morning that the next post I have, will make 500. Seriously, 500 posts that I've rambled and let lay my sarcasm upon. It's almost weird. Usually I lose interest in things fairly quickly, but writing has never been one of those things. At least, not when I'm writing about the things that I want to be. I think that's why my posts are usually all over the place. They range from my family to movies and everything else in between.

In order to celebrate my "500 posts" I wanted to do a lengthy post consisting of all of my favorites from this time period, and then it hit me. What hit me? The fact that I would have to start in April 2013 and work my way up to June 2016, that's what. I would have to go through over three years of my own rambling, and my inherent laziness overcame me. I know, I'm ridiculous. And I'm good with it.

So, instead of a long ass post consisting of ones that already exist (you can read through them all, if you would like to), I figured I would commemorate it by acknowledging the fact that it's the 500th and share a picture. Because pictures make everything better. Usually. As you can tell, Tayder was extremely focused on being happy for me. He's a real gem that one. Hopefully, I'll have another 500 and many more after that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some celebrating to do.

Where's my cake?!

Is it Monday or Tuesday?!

(I'm highly confused by life right now).

By the way, I know that it's Tuesday, but let's be honest here- IT FEELS LIKE A MONDAY. Amirite? I am. It hasn't been a bad day or anything like that, I'm just a bit thrown off with having the last three and a half days off (Dani and I..... and Tony..... got off at eleven on Friday). You know, because our company is closed on all government holidays (Memorial Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc).

And this isn't even a Mmmmooonnnnnddddaaaayyyyyyyy........... type of day, it just doesn't feel like it's Tuesday. Or something like that. Mostly, it's just confusing, because you have to remember to do all of your Tuesday stuff today. And now, I have to quit talking about how weird today feels, because I'm just confusing myself more and more.

I have to mow grass when I get home from work today. I mowed it on Friday and while it would probably be good for another day or two, we have severe thunderstorm warnings out for tonight and all day tomorrow. Which means that by the time the grass dried out enough to cut, it would be like I was playing a game of Jumanji. And while I love Robin Williams (and that movie), I don't feel like I would be real good at that. So, I better not push it.

Can I day drink today? Yes? No? Get back to me on that.  

What would Jimmy Dugan say?

(Good thing she plays softball).

As I said earlier, Solae is playing softball again this year. She played last year, but this year has been so much better. Well, not weather wise, but everything else wise. The weather this year has sucked (for the most part) on a whole other level. In all fairness though, it's not just the softball season that's been affected by this weather. If we're being honest, most things have been affected by it. Mostly, I've had to redo a shit ton of yard work. Because hail. So there's that.

Aside from that though, the kid has had a pretty good season. They've lost a couple of games, but to me, that's just a part of learning how to deal with "the game." They're still young and learning the parts that they excel the most in. Solae seems to be a great catcher to me (but she hates it, so she won't attempt to "hone her skills" as one would say), she enjoys being on first base, but the coach usually ends up putting her on third.

This past Friday their team had a game on the "fancy field" (it has lights and they announce their names like an actual pro game) at eight o'clock. And I know what you're thinking, and you're correct in that thinking, I totally didn't want to be out that late on a Friday night (because I like my house and hate people), but we all piled up and went anyway.

And it was cold, and rainy (Shantel was freezing us all by being in a teeny tiny dress that looked more like a cute bikini cover to me), and miserable, but she was beyond excited and they played one hell of a game. They ended up scoring and winning a total of 20-9. They would have won by more than that, but the coaches insisted on playing one last inning so their team had a chance to "catch up" and "win." And most of the girls were immediately cocky and I had to knock them down a couple of pegs by telling them to quit strutting around, because that other team could very well beat the snot out of them with a whole other inning. And once the other team made a run, they got serious.

But Momma and I rode home with Aunt Poot (we rode to the game with Aunt Mary), and she stopped and we got Taco Bell for supper, so I ask you- who's the real winner here?! That would be me. 

How is it only Thursday?!

(This week has been ridiculously long).

It's been one of those weeks that seems to go on for days upon days and every morning when my alarm has gone off, I haven't wanted to get up and get going. This morning, I actually tried to hide underneath the covers and will the time and alarm away. Unfortunately it didn't work and I had to get up, but you'll be happy to know that Tayder felt well enough to stay under the blanket and snooze while I got everything ready.

I don't know what it is, really. It probably has something to do with the fact that it has been perfect sleeping weather for the past two weeks. Everyday it has either rained, or has been that real cool kind of day that you just want to open the windows and curl up with your pup, watch a little tv, and take a snooze or two. Or, maybe that's just me. Either way, do you think anyone would notice if I hid in the bathroom at work and took a nap? Yes? No? Get back to me on that.

I've been so off here lately that I've owned the movie- The Revenant- for like three weeks and have yet to watch it. I know, I know, you're very worried right about now. Just so you know, I am to. (It finally won Leo his Oscar!!). It's just unnatural for me to be around a Leonardo DiCaprio movie and not watch it. If it was Johnny Depp, I would be twice as worried.

I've even tried to eat my way through this. I informed a guy at work the other day that I wanted to eat an entire bag of Snickers bars and when he asked me why I would want to do that, I had no choice but to reply- "Because I'm just not me when I'm hungry?!" Shit is getting real. All I want to do is put on some comfy clothes, eat a bunch of junk food, cuddle with my puppy dog, watch crap tv (or you know- The Revenant), and drink wine and NyQuil, and take my allergy meds like they're never going to make it again. (Don't worry, only the NyQuil so I can sleep).

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go nap. And by nap, I mean never get to effing sleep ever again. Good thing I wouldn't get all dramatic about it or anything. WHERE IN THE HELL IS FRIDAY WHEN I NEED IT?!!