Better late than never.

So.... I took an early lunch on Friday and went and got my driving permit. And yes, I realize that I'm twenty-six and probably should have gotten it years ago, but as that old saying goes, better late than never.

Or, as Blanche Devereaux would say.... better late than pregnant. Definitely both of those things.

There are many reasons that I haven't gotten a permit/license before now. And while I could go into the whole shpeal of it, I won't. Mostly because that's besides the point and no one cares how your irrational fears have held you back in life.

I was incredibly nervous to take the test (which is hilarious considering that is the only test that I've ever been nervous for in my whole life), but I studied, and I passed (and was kind of shocked about it).

I'm trying to conquer the driving thing, no worries, the whole being scared of sharks (but loving shark movies) isn't going anywhere. Momma always says that I never do anything until I'm the one that is ready. People can hound me and poke me and list a million reasons why.... but until I'm ready, it's not going to happen.

She's right, of course.

But the other day I decided, it was time. Just randomly out of the blue, decided. (And with her eye surgery coming up next week, I couldn't have had this epiphany at a more convenient time). I'm not sure why I decided it was time, but that's usually how I make the decisions in my life. I wait until that part of my brain clicks, and then I say- "Ok, let's do this." And do this, I shall.

Am I still afraid of driving? Of course, just because I decided it was time to be able to do it doesn't mean that it isn't still scary to me. It's just that, I'm ready to conquer that fear.... one way or another.

So, wish me luck out there, I'm gonna need it. And also? Maybe keep an extra eye on the road if possible.... you never know when I might come barreling out of nowhere now that I legally can.

Foxy Knoxy.... a Netflix documentary.

I watched the Amanda Knox documentary on Netflix, so clearly, I am an expert in all things criminal justice right now. I am also an expert on this case that was prolonged throughout eight years, ruining numerous lives and I'm only three years younger than Amanda Knox herself, so we all know that means I can jump inside her crazy little mind.... right?!

No?! Fine.

But, I'm still going to talk about the documentary.... At the beginning when describing herself, Amanda says "in Seattle I was cute.... but in Italy I was the beautiful, blonde, American, and I had never been that before." Calm down, girl. You're starting to sound a bit conceded and no one likes that in a person. Just be your normal self.... unless you suck as a person.

I was seventeen when the news stories of "the infamous Amanda "Foxy Knoxy" Knox" were first splattered across every headline that you could ever possibly imagine. You couldn't go anywhere without seeing her name and face. Tabloids, news coverage, you name it, she was there. I followed along with it about as much as I could stomach and then.... years passed.

The case was still ongoing, but was traded in for even bigger media news and what they thought "the people" would want to know. And, Amanda Knox was forgotten for a couple of years.

Until 2013 rolled around and the retrial began. It was like it 2007 all over again and you couldn't go anywhere without seeing "Foxy Knoxy" (a nickname that she had once given herself- via Myspace- and the media ran with). She released a memoir discussing her side of the story and a Lifetime movie was released (in 2011, but blew up again).... because if you don't have a Lifetime movie based on you, do you really even exist?!

I can't imagine the pain that the young lady who's life was taken must feel. There is no way to know that pain without experiencing it, and I hope to never have to endure that.... to them, I send my deepest sympathies and love.

I'm kind of a documentary fiend.... I love them and have my entire life. The deeper I got into this one.... the more I couldn't believe the inconsistencies. Not from just evidence, or stories, or alibis, but.... all of it. It was just truly amazing to me how many people not only dropped the ball, but also contradicted themselves.

People always ask me the same questions after they find out I have watched the documentary/read about the case....

After review, do I think that Amanda Knox is guilty?! I don't know. Who am I to say? Do I think that she knows far more than she lets on and was perhaps involved at some point? Yes. Do I think or know for a fact that she committed the crime? No.... how could I?! The only thing that I can go with is my gut, and frankly, that's my own opinion, not that of a court of law. Do I think her boss, Patrick Lumumba, had anything to do with it?! I think he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and got sucked into the vortex as "collateral damage." Do I think that the man who was convicted and is currently in prison, Rudy Guede, had something to do with it?! Perhaps.... it certainly seems to add up much more than a lot of the theories floating around this case. A breaking and entering gone wrong makes a lot more sense than a "satanic sex triangle." Do I think that Amanda Knox's boyfriend at the time, Raffaele Sollecito, was her accomplice and in on this crime?! No, I don't. I think that he was a young kid who had been blinded by having fallen in love for the first time, and was "collateral damage" just like Lumumba.... I feel bad for him and kind of just want to give him a hug. Do I think that the whole situation could have been handled differently and in a better manner?! Absolutely. Whether that was by the officials, the public, or every single media outlet, I couldn't say. Maybe a little of all of them.

But like I said, that's just my gut feeling.... and that's not worth a whole lot to anybody except me.

Tuesday through Friday and then three more days off.

Christmas was an extremely busy event this year. And, I don't want to sound like I'm complaining (I'M NOT!), I just wanted people to be aware of the busy-ness. (No, that's not even close to a word, but just go with it).

We had our company Christmas party on Friday (and got off at 1:30.... whoop whoop!), Aunt Susi had a Christmas Eve party, and of course.... Christmas itself. It was fun, busy, nice, sweet.... and borderline uneventful.

Which happens to be my absolute favorite part. (And no- that's not me in the below picture, but I like it and it seems to express my current mood, so please just roll with it.).

There was no fighting, fussing, arguing, or knock-down-drag-outs. Which I know sounds more like a UFC fight than a holiday event, but with my family, you can never be too careful.

After we had Christmas dinner (we go down to my Aunt Poot's for holidays) we cleaned up the kitchen and then proceeded to watch John Wayne's- The Cowboys and Stepmom.... because we like variety. And then this conversation happened:

Greg: "Can you believe that Hook is 25 years old?!" Ashley: "I know, it's crazy." Me: "I love that movie." Solae: "So do I, my favorite character is Julio." Me, Greg, and Ashley: "..... who in the f*ck is Julio?!" Solae: "What?!" Me: "Do you mean Rufio?!" Solae: "Yeah, that's it!" And then I proceeded to chant "Rufio-Rufio-Ruf-i-OOOO!!!!" on loop.

Then Momma and I spent the rest of our time watching documentaries (Amanda Knox.... watch it now! More on that later....) and stand-up (#ImBrentMorin) and cleaning our house (if it wasn't for our cool stuff, you would never know that Christmas happened in there.... I took the tree down, and all of the other Christmas paraphernalia got put away until next year.... inside and out). Just the way we like it. 

(And I just stared at my baby tiny Gronk doll that Momma got me.... and it still delights me.).

I hope everyone else is having a wonderful holiday season (it's not over yet!) and that you are getting to spend some much needed time with your loved ones that you hold nearest and dearest to your heart! Stay safe and warm out there, folks!! 

Blanket scarves are so very warm and I'm in love.

Tomorrow is our company Christmas party. And while I'm all for a little celebration (and some food), I kind of just want to go into hibernation and not be around people.... that's totally understandable.... right?!

Did y'all know that Twisted Sisters has a version of "Oh come, all ye faithful?!" I totally forgot about it and just got reminded via the Christmas radio station that Dani forces me to listen to we listen to at work.

Speaking of Christmas.... it's in three days. Or, two days, because on the third day when you wake up it is Christmas.... however you want to count it. Before that though, we have the previously mentioned company Christmas party (Dani only made me responsible for ordering food.... that reminds me, I have to call about some pizza today), and Aunt Susi/Uncle Roger are having a Christmas eve party at their house. I don't know what all y'all are trying to do, it's almost like you're trying to trick me into "being in the holiday spirit" or some shit like that.

Just call me Grinchy McScroogepants.

It's not that I have a distaste for holidays (I'm in love with Halloween), it's just that, there always seems to be so much pressure associated with it. Maybe this year will be different? The last few years haven't been horrible.... they've been real nice.... but I never "feel" what they say you are supposed to. You know, like on Hallmark Christmas movies. I never have that "feeling."

Nevertheless, I did help bake two different kind of cookies (double chocolate cherry cookies and chewy sugar cookies) and made a buttload of fudge and one batch of old-fashioned hard candy. Therefore, I'm pretty sure that I'm well into this holiday season.... I've totally got this.

We were going to make more cookies, candy, and two different kinds of mints (cream cheese and peppermint patties), but Momma and Aunt Poot did the Christmas boxes yesterday and we had enough, so no more mandatory baking from here on out. Although, I am going to have to make some more of those cookies some day, because I didn't even get to eat any of them!

Yesterday (12/21) was the first day of Winter? Could've fooled me.... you know, since it was -2 on Monday. Stay warm out there, folks!! It's going to be a long Winter.... or not. I don't really know.

Wish me luck on these next couple of days.... I think it's going to be a lot of fun (but I'm still going to want to hibernate through it). Oh, and just think, I get two three-day day weekends in a row coming up. Yay, for me and mine!!

Stay safe out there and have a wonderful holiday season with your loved ones.... Merry Christmas.

What's worse? Being cold? Being pukey? Or, being cold while pukey?!

It was one degree outside when I left for work this morning. ONE.

Now, I know that I get up in the morning and I'm out the door for work by 6:00 am.... and I know that winter mornings are colder than winter afternoons (no sun), but y'all have to agree that no matter if you know that it's coming or not, you're never quite prepared for one degree weather until it hits you.

And trust me, a 4:45 am mini walk with your pup so he can potty while you're wearing pajama pants, house shoes, and a coat definitely hits you. Or, at least it did me.

Luckily, there's very little snow out and ice is at the low end.... for now. Honestly, I hope it stays that way, because while cold doesn't tend to bother me (I'll just wear a sweater), I am not a fan of ice/snow. Last Thursday I was cleaning off our car and managed to hit a patch of ice, fall off the curb, hurt my right knee and bend the three middle fingers on my left hand backwards. Because Grace, I am not.

Remember when I told everybody that I had been sick and was feeling better, but still a bit puny? Well.... I may or may not have spent the day throwing up. Like, a lot. As soon as I got to work this morning I had to open Bonehead's door and started heaving.... and all throughout the day. Honestly though, I don't think that I'm sick. I mean, sure "sick" but not "SICK." Does that make sense? No? Hear me out.

I think that I'm having an acid reflux thing going on (how f*cking old am I getting?) that's making me puke everything that I eat/drink.... and bile.... up. That in turn is making me feel like crap, because I can't get anything to stay on my stomach and we all know how much I love food.

Update: it is now Tuesday and while I still feel a bit cruddy (yeah, that's a word), I am feeling better(ish). I got some over the counter acid reflux medicine (seriously, how old am I?) and since I started religiously over-medicating with them.... I feel better. Better(ish). Can I get a Hallelujah?!

HELLUR-LUJAH.

I shouldn't have eaten that sausage dip.

Y'all, I'm just now getting back on my feet from a week ago (and still not very well at it). Wednesday I got up for work and went in perfectly fine.... then 9:00 am hit and all hell broke loose.

I started puking, but after the first time I felt fine and attributed it to getting too dizzy.... and then I puked a second time.... and then a third. Once the third time came and went Danielle demanded that I go home. Not politely asked, but demanded it. She politely asked me if I needed to go home the first two times.... the third she told me to get my ass on somewhere that wouldn't infect her.

So, home I went. Half a day on Wednesday and all of Thursday.

I didn't get up off the couch except to pee without that time frame, either. I just kind of laid there half-ass watching Netflix (TWD) and Lethal Weapon and dozing off.... when I wasn't puking that is. I returned to work on Friday, not feeling all that great, but I hate missing work when I don't have to and it was only one day.... right?! Sure.

I was icky on Friday evening (go figure), but not "horrible" and come Saturday I had a bit more hop in my step and it was our "Annual Girls Get Together" for Christmas. I went, did my thing and had a blast. We did 'Secret Santa', ate a ton of food, exchanged stories, did a few craft (we made air fresheners and hand/whatever warmers that you heat in the microwave out of rice). I started feeling a bit flushed, but nothing ridiculous and once we had our fun (it was three? four? more? hours long) we headed home.

And that's when it hit me. As soon as I walked in the door I had to run to the bathroom to puke.... again.... and this time, it was Dani's delicious sausage dip. You know, delicious when you're eating it, not when you're puking it. And I proceeded to puke the rest of the evening.

I haven't been "sick" since then, but I'm still feeling weak and my stomach could be better.... then again, it could be worse. I think I need to eat a chicken quesadilla to know for sure, but since I don't have one I'll just go ahead and call it. I'm not sure why I still feel cruddy (tired, achy, icky all around), but I do and it bites.... and it's been a week now so COME ON.

On the bright side though, we had a real good time with those hilarious ladies that I'm related to.... well, most of them.... you know who you are party pooper!!

What in the actual f*ck?! I'm just going to ramble for a minute.... or six.

It's been an odd week. The days seem longer, the evenings seem shorter, and I really just want a giant bowl of nachos from Qdoba.... but I digress. Mostly because I'm in the home stretch until the weekend (having four and a half days off and coming back to work for a full week makes you feel the struggle.... or at least, that's what I'm going with).

This whole having holidays/weekends off thing has spoiled me. For years (I got my first "real job" two months before I turned fifteen.... back when you could hire a child and make them perform menial/degrading jobs for little to no pay.... ah, glory days) I worked every holiday and most weekends. And when I say every holiday, I mean it. I always wanted the gals/dudes that I worked with to have the holidays off with their kids, so I would pick up their shifts. But now, the company that I work for is closed on Government holidays (most of them, at least) and my department isn't open on weekends, so you know.... HUZZAH.

Also, I've come to realize that I'm basically a short/chubby version of Sweet Dee.... and I'm good with it.

I need to buy a lottery ticket. Twenty people just won the jackpot in the county that I used to reside in.... and I opened two packets of starbusts (two per pack) and ended up with three pinks and one red, so you can imagine how serious shit is getting right about now.

I've been meaning to be productive this week.... and to some degree, I have been. I'm caught up at work (mostly.... mostly), the inside of the house is decorated for Christmas (and by "decorated" I mean the tree is up with lights/ornaments on it and the couple of placemats with Santa are set out), the house is also clean, I made chocolate fudge (and have eaten none of it.... I don't even like chocolate fudge #pb4life), and Tayder and I are almost all the way through It's Always Sunny (for the second time) on Netflix.... we have our priorities in check.

I answer social media challenges with sarcasm.... and questions. My friend from back in the day (hi, Amanda!) tagged me on FB for a little "challenge". It's one of those things where they have a list of questions and you have to answer them all. Or, you can be like me and ignore/pretend that you didn't see that you were tagged in a post. You know, dealers choice. Here we go....

Do you have a gf/bf? No, I traded one in for happiness and self worth. Do you have animals? I have a small/furry child. Do you love someone? Sure. Do you annoy people? Absolutely.... I have no doubts on this one. Do you wear makeup? When it's needed (aka, at work otherwise I'm too lazy). Are you mean? I'm sarcastic.... and yes, also mean. Tall of short? Hobbit, party of one. Facebook or Twitter? Netflix. Green or Blue? Depends.... we talking clothes or candy? Cinderella or Belle? Jack Sparrow. Hoodies or Jackets? Is going into public with a blanket wrapped around you appropriate? No? Fine, hoodies. Nike or Adidas? I'M CHEAP AND HATE SHOES.... I prefer my boots, thanks though. Sports or no Sport? If I'm playing, no sports.... if Rob Gronkowski is involved, sports all day, every day.  Burger King or KFC? All the food. Just, all of it. Sweatpants or Shorts? Sweatpants.... they usually have pockets for my candy, flask, and allergy pills.

It's really cold outside (the weather has been wishy-washy) and I think that it's here to stay for awhile. Do you know what that means? More nachos and Netflix.... and I can't say that I'm sad about it (so happy). Winter is for avoiding people, drinking alcohol while using the excuse "it's the holiday season" and hibernating as much as possible.... of course, that's also my goal in life. That, and learning how to bake without directions.... I want to be able to just "eyeball" it.

Is a year and a half too late to congratulate your aunt on her retirement?

I mean, it happened in May 2015.... and I mentioned it here and there, but I don't remember ever formally telling people about it. And, I congratulated her (which really is the most important part.... right?), but I just remembered it and found a picture from her last day at work (we worked together) and I wanted to share it.

So, here it is. A year and a half late. HAPPY RETIREMENT, AUNT SUSI. I love you, and miss you (I can say that now, because I know how I feel about it a year and a half later). It took a long time for me to get into a different lunch routine since I used to spend the majority of my day with you for two years. It's weird and good all at the same time.

It's good, because I literally couldn't be happier for you, and I'm excited for you to get to do all of the things that you've always wanted, but had too many responsibilities tying you down to go.

And remember, technically I'm not at the year and a half mark until the 27th of this month, so give me a little bit of credit.... maybe. Afterall, I embarrassed myself at Duckpin Bowling for you!!

Your party was fun, your pink hard hat still hangs proudly, and even though I get to see you less, the time that we do get to spend together is always awesome. I know that you're patiently waiting for Uncle Roger to retire so that you two can go on your many adventures (and I can't wait for you to get to do that), but like you say, good things come to those whom are patient and wait. Patience is a virtue. And that other thing, be calm and collected.

Even though that saying doesn't describe not one woman in our family.... but that's besides the point.

I hope that you're having the best time that you can be having right now (you're on vacation right this second, but I meant just your whole life in general), that you're letting the road take you where it may (you can go places throughout the week not just the weekend now!), and I hope that you remember that even though I don't get to spend as much time with you, I still love you to pieces and will eat peanut butter with you like it's going out of style.

Here's to you (and no, I'm not squatting in that picture, it's my pants that make me look like that). I love you and no worries, I'll watch all those gross/scary zombie shows so you don't have to. Xoxo.

Hummin.... uhhh.... what kind of cake?!

Have y'all ever heard of hummingbird cake?

If not, I'm going to go ahead and tell you that it's a whole lot less disgusting than it sounds (i.e. no hummingbirds were injured in the making of this cake).

I was actually pretty young the first time that I had heard of it (it's a widely popular southern dessert), but hadn't ever had the opportunity to try it (and probably wouldn't have depending on my age, because I would've been under the impression that it was bird cake.... no thanks).

Recently I had stumbled upon it (I don't even remember what I was reading that mentioned it), and once I learned what it actually was, I had to give it a try. Afterall, who doesn't want this kind of snack lying around for a chilly/tv watching treat on a weekend (i.e. it pairs great with alcohol)?

The recipe (I just googled "easy hummingbird cake recipes") calls for: yellow or white boxed cake mix (for us lazy folks that like our shit at least 1/2 made already), bananas, maraschino cherries, crushed pineapple, cinnamon, pecans or walnuts, and I'm sure some other stuff that I can't remember at the moment.

(Side note: Some of the best advice that I have ever received came from my cousins husband regarding bananas. He told me, "always banana to mouth, Katie, never mouth to banana." Duly noted.).

And I say that, because the first time that I followed the recipe my cake fell apart, tasted weird, and in all honesty wasn't all that great. The second time that I made it (this past Saturday evening), it was much better. It's traditionally a two-three layer cake.... but I can't accomplish a layered cake to save my life (Duff Goldman, I am not), so I just made a one layer cake, because it's my cake and I could.

In almost all of the "easy cake recipes" that they offer on this, they always say not to get the box cake mix that has pudding in it.... I'm here to tell you that pudding is delicious and it can only help. Pudding haters. The recipe also wasn't very specific on whether or not you make the cake like its box says, or to just go by their recipe.... I followed box directions. Then to it I added, almost a whole jar of chopped maraschino cherries, one can of crushed pineapple, three mashed bananas, one teaspoon of cinnamon, and baked at 350° until the toothpick that I inserted in the center came out clean (around thirty-five to forty minutes.... I think).

And then once it cooled I put cream cheese frosting (that I had mixed chopped walnuts into) on the top of it and it was delicious. It's a really sweet kind of cake, so don't plan on being able to eat a bunch of it at once (if you're a glutton like me), but you should at the very least try it. I shared mine (because I'm just nice like that) and we still have leftovers.... I'm not sad about it.

If y'all need me, I'll be hiding in my fort.

To say that the last couple of weeks have been hectic would be a vast understatement.

I've talked a bit here and there on the fact that my job is trying out this new trial thing with me, a "promotion" kind of, to see if we can streamline a few things and make life a bit easier for all involved. It's more work for me, but I like to stay busy and it's a bit more money, so I was completely on board.

Dani decided to start me off slow, working on a couple of projects, nothing too large scale, because there is in fact a learning curve. We all knew this going in and were fine with it. And things went pretty great.... for about three days.

And no, I haven't been fired and we haven't changed our minds about it, kind of the opposite actually.

What happened was three days into trying out this new position/experiment a co-worker of ours got taken to the hospital.... and while I'm not comfortable sharing his health stories (they're not mine to tell), I will just leave it at it's going to be quite some time before he gets to come back, if ever, and we are all hoping/praying for his health to improve. The most important thing is that, while I am kind of "venting" I would like it clearly stated that I am not holding this against him or his health in any way. Getting better is our tip-top hope for him.

With that being said, what was left behind in his unexpected absence was a cluster f*ck to say the least. Each one of our workers has a very specific job, with multiple projects that only they deal with.... so when someone has to take over all of those projects at various stages of bid and completion?

ANARCHY. (And not the Sons of, kind).

All at once we had no clue what was done, what needed done, what was/was not scheduled for work, where anything was, or who needed what for 1/3 of the company. The first day (last Thursday) we worked from 6:00 am (the time I always come to work) non-stop until 4:00 pm, including working through lunch while trying to shove pizza down our throats without choking to death/puking on all of our paperwork.

What's that old saying? "Toss your hair up in a bun, drink some coffee, put on some gangsta rap, and handle it." Thank you, Eminem. That's all I have to say, because nothing gets you to want to "handle shit" quite like Marshall Mathers does.... or is that just for me? Either way, that man and caffeine has been my saving grace for the past week.

There is so much stuff everywhere that our office looks like either a bomb went off, a twister went through, or we've decided to build a fort and wait out winter (something that I will in fact be doing at my own house, not here). There are papers everywhere, samples sprawled throughout, and the faintest scent of disdain in the air. Don't even get me started on the post-its (we have Romy and Michele quotes in abundance) that are stuck to every surface imaginable.

And now, it's still a cluster f*ck (and not depleting whatsoever in its cluster f*ckness), but we already know that and while it's a giant pain in the ass and we don't foresee it getting any better (or peoples moods improving at any point), we're trying.... and I've managed to catch onto quite a lot that we all thought would take weeks-months. Nothing says "take that learning curve" kind of like the only other option being to crash and burn.

And while that is still an option, we're kind of too pissed off to let it happen. 

My new favorite social media thing.

(Facebook stalking is kind of my jam right now).

I'm not the only person out there that "stalks" people via social media.... right?! I can't be. In fact, I know that there are at least two of us, because Dani's "FB stalking" skills are so on point that I swear she could work for the NSA or something.... but, I digress.... mostly because I don't know if you're even allowed to talk about the NSA without being in it, or even when you are in it, but now I've said it twice and there's no going back.

A little bit ago I wrote a post about a girl that just needed to cut her losses and call it a day with the guy that she's seeing. A lot of people emailed and text to ask if this was actually a clever attempt at asking for help in getting out of my relationship. So, to those people I say, ARE Y'ALL CRAZY?! I clearly know that guy is a douche and therefore could have already made that decision. Also, I'm not in a relationship (unless you count tv, alcohol, and poor decisions).

Just wanted to clear that up. Why? Because I have another story about another girl/her cousin (I should stop, but let's be honest, it's a shit show that you just can't look away from). Seriously, y'all are gonna love this one. Keep in mind that they are NOT married and between them they have six kids.... but don't worry, none with each other.

Her profile: "I didn't want to get off the phone with him last night, he's so perfect!! I miss you so much, babe!! I can't wait to see you and have you hold me in your arms!! I love you!! I love my husband, he's my happy place. I swear, I'm gonna marry you one day!! I don't care what all of these people say, I know that we're going to be together the rest of our lives, and have babies together. My husband, my everything!! I love you, babe!!"

So naturally, I had to click on his name (she tags him in every post) to see what this guy was all about. I couldn't help myself and you know you would've done the exact same thing. What kind of guy inspires this kind of devotion? Surely, he would be the thing of dreams and the answer to prayers.... right?!

His profile: "Single. F*ck bitches, get money."

Yeah, you read that right. As soon as I read this, I busted out laughing. And once Dani asked what was so damn funny, I had to repeat it and she laughed to. And I'm not saying that having your feelings hurt or something like that is funny, because it's not. Having your heart "broken" is everything, but a laughing matter.

..... However, you guys have to give me the whole completely off guard hilarity. It was a real good laugh. (I'm still cracking up). And, don't worry about her too much, she's already moved on and found her next "true love" (lucky for her, it's her sixth one this year). He's a real lucky guy and clearly doesn't know what he's getting into. I would warn him, but he seems about as stable as her.... and you just can't cap that kind of crazy.

I'm not actually going to do it.

You guys ever have one of those moments that you think to yourself- "if I wasn't such a puss, I'd totally do that"? I am currently having one of those moments and even though I know I won't be giving into it anytime soon (if ever in my lifetime), it's still a random thought that crosses my mind.

It plagues every woman's mind at one point or another.... or continuously. And that thought?

......... maybe I should just cut my hair.

But, I don't just think "maybe I should cut my hair".... I always take it a step further by thinking "maybe I should cut my hair.... REALLY SHORT." What's the worse that could happen.... right?!

I'll tell you what the worse that could happen is, I could end up looking like some weird combo of Sméagol and Lloyd Christmas, that's what. And if we're totally honest with each other, we would just admit that the chance of that happening are pretty high.

Besides, every time I do cut my hair, I end up hating it. Like, on a whole new horizon of hate. We're talking Ursula the Sea Witch up in here. The last time my hair was long and I cut it shorter, I hated it. Legit hated it. I actually cried once; not because I hated it to the brink of tears, but once I realized I couldn't pull it up into a proper ponytail, the eye water just flowed.

And my hair is WAY longer now and I'm talking about cutting it FAR shorter than it has ever been.

I'm not actually going to do it (one, because I'm fairly certain that I'd hate it, my hair is afterall, down to the far middle of my back right now and two, because you know, Lloyd), but Momma and I were talking the other night and I told her that if I ever cut my hair "short" again, I was just gonna go all out and pixie that shit. She decided that would be the way to do it.

But for now, I'll keep my long hair (I'm still in my twenties and can relatively still "maintain" my mop.... contrary to popular belief and the fact that I regularly look like a hobo), and think about the haircut that could have been.

....And I'll leave this picture as a dare to do it.... and the other as a reminder of why I don't.

When you feel like friendship is more of an obligation.

People in life come and go, there's absolutely no disputing that. Sometimes it's for the better, sometimes it's because no one had a choice in the matter.

....Other times, it's because only one person had the choice. It really only takes one person to make that decision and instead of holding onto something that kind of just weighs heavy on your mind and soul, isn't it sometimes easier to just let it go? It's not necessarily giving up, but just accepting what the situation actually is.

I've stumbled upon this conclusion quite recently.... about a "friend" of mine. And I say "friend" that way because, I have always considered her a friend, but have come to realize in the last few years that we're not friends anymore. At least not in the way that we used to be. We're "friends" out of feelings of obligation at this point. Honestly, we no longer have anything in common, we hardly ever speak (we haven't actually spoken in a couple of months), and to be one hundred percent truthful.... we don't even really like each other anymore.

And, I know that sounds horrible, and maybe it is, but we've known each other for so long that we've convinced ourselves that we're still friends, but we really haven't been friends in probably.... seven.... eight years? That's a long time to hold onto something that you both know isn't even there.

Sure, we know things about each other, and I wish her the very best, but I don't feel like we should go out of our way to communicate and be in each others lives when neither of us even wants to be. We've been "going through the motions of our friendship" for years, because we've known each other since we were little kids and have been through a lot together.... but it's all been exactly that. Just going through the motions.

I came to this conclusions a couple of months back when she asked me for my honest opinion, I told her what it was, and we haven't spoken since. Why? Because neither of us even likes the other enough to dispute and/or fight for it. I text her one other time to ask about her well being, she never responded, and after thinking on it a bit, I realized that I didn't even care and maybe it's for the best.

And I'm fine with that. Sure, we've had some good times and we're in a ton of each others memories.... but is all of the bullshit really worth trying to keep up with something that hasn't even been true in years? I just don't think that it is. And neither does she. So, we're not enemies, no one is sad, everyone knows what happened.... we're just a couple of people that were friends as kids and someone who is in a few old pictures.

And while that might be a harsh realization.... at least it is in fact real.

It's rude to make someone feel old at 5:30 am.

(I'm young but, still very aware that I'm not getting any younger).

This morning I realized that the kid I used to babysit (well, I babysat him and his two brothers) graduated from highschool this past year. And his youngest brother (he was a little baby at the time) is now playing junior high football. As with most middle children, I have no effing clue what's going on with the middle brother (Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!!) but, he's still hanging out in there somewhere. Did y'all hear me? One has graduated, the other is in highschool, and the youngest is in junior high taking hits on the field.

WHAT IN THE HELL IS EVEN HAPPENING?!!

I swear, I'm not old yet. I mean, I've technically always been a little ole ninety- two year old man at heart BUT, in all actuality I am only twenty- six. That's young!! It's an adult age (and creeping up on thirty) but still young. Let's just say, I'm not going to be collecting social security anytime soon. But, I do have to say, when I realized that the oldest boy graduated this past year, the first thought that came through my mind was- "Fuuuucccccckkkkkk yyyyooouuuuu, guuuuuuyyyyyyyyyssssssssss." Because, I'm mature and why wouldn't it be?

I kid (mostly) but, watching teens today makes me realize not only how much tolerance I do not possess for teenagers but also, how I was weird as shit when I was a teenager (and how weird as shit I am right now). Not weird in the general description of weird but, weird in my own way. Example:

Sixteen year old girls today: "Girl, I can't go until I fix my hair. I'm either gonna straighten and/or curl it.... I don't know which one yet, maybe both!! I gotta look good for my man."
Me at sixteen: "Whatever, this half-ass, lopsided, ponytail will do. It's only falling down in the back.... and the sides.... and kind of in the front. I don't even care, if dude doesn't like it, he can get somebody else to ride in his damn truck with him."

Twenty- six year old women today: "Being an adult is hard but, I gotta look good. I mean, you never know who you'll run into!!"
Me at twenty- six: "Whatever, this half-ass, lopsided, ponytail will do. It's only falling down in the back.... and the sides.... and kind of in the front. I don't even care, if people don't like it, they can kiss it."

I'm serious, you would think that I was ninety-two, but alas, not even close. I did feel pretty damn old reading about those kids this morning though (remind me to never do that again). But, you know what? I'm good with it. You guys just keep getting older and I'll just keep drinking alcohol, eating nachos, and watching y'all make me old as shit. I'm good with it.

52 has never looked so good.

(Happy Birthday, Momma).

This beautiful lady right here turns 52 today. I couldn't be any luckier in the "Mom Department" if they tried. She is, hands down, the best mother, friend, and woman that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I love you more than you'll ever know, Momma. You're my best friend, mother, and most importantly, my heart. Happy Birthday, Lemondrop. ❤️

(Also, you'll be happy to know that I posted this birthday message/image on social media and the not so unanimous vote is- I look just like my Momma. And you know what? I'm more than good with it!!)

Hello Friday, you beautiful wench.

(Hold, hold on, hold onto me, 'cause I'm a little unsteady.... and waiting on Friday to get its ass on over here already. At least the wait is over.).

And, this picture perfectly describes how I'm making it through this week.... hanging on by a damn thread and prayer.

After I get off of work today, I don't come back until Wednesday.

You may think that I'm talking a little roadtrip or vacation but, the truth is I'm taking off Monday and Tuesday because, Momma is having eye surgery on Monday and I wanted to make sure that I was there not only for the surgery but, for the next day as we don't know how it will affect her. We start one thing of her drops today, the second set starts on Sunday, then she'll have antibiotic drops for after the surgery. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Other than that, everything is pretty basic around these parts. Tayder has the driest skin of any dog in the county (and I have now affectionately changed his name to "Ichibum" because, the poor little thing just scratches his ass on everything these days). Our neighbors had their baby (and apparently you're supposed to congratulate people on that?). And we're back to our smaller tv because, the other one went kaput and didn't work out. You win some, you lose some.... right? Oh, and I'm almost done with the fourth season of Justified.... so, there's that.

Aunt Poot is taking us into Momma's surgery because, she wants to be there. No matter what kind of doctor and/or surgery, we both tend to get very nervous when it comes to Momma (and that ain't changing anytime soon). She recently got back from a little roadtrip herself, as she went to see a friend of hers and get away for a couple of days. She seemed relaxed when she got back but, she's been back for a couple of days now and I'm pretty sure that her stress levels have skyrocketed back on up there.

I haven't been sleeping too great lately; unless you count the night that I was awoken at two in the morning convinced that I was being pulled out of my bed by the hair of the head. I immediately grabbed my bat and started swinging, before I woke up more and realized that Tayder had crawled up to sleep atop my head and had somehow managed to get all four of his paws wrapped in my hair.... and it was him that was yanking me around by the head trying to get away.

Other than that though, sleep has alluded me. And this week has been at least seventeen days long.

Labor Day weekend is upon us.

(And I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning).

Y'all, after my work day today (that I desperately just wanted to sleep through.... but couldn't even sleep), I'm off for three days. Why? Because Monday is Labor Day and I now have one of those jobs in life that is sometimes closed (unlike every other job that I've ever had). And let's just say, I'm totally not sad about it. In fact, I'm the exact opposite of sad (and really glad that I don't have to mow grass this evening).

Big weekend plans? Nope. Tomorrow (Saturday) Momma and I are going with Aunt Poot down to see Aunt T and Uncle Clyde. We went down and seen them towards the end of June, but with the seasons changing and winter coming (apparently that's a thing for Game of Thrones fans?), we don't know how many trips we have left in us before we'll have to sludge through the snow and muck to make it down there.

Other than that, I'm pretty sure that we don't have any plans, whatsoever. My big plan is hopefully to take enough allergy meds to knock my bitch ass out, so I can finally get some sleep (Insomnia: Party of One, right here). That, and we'll probably chillax at the house, because that's what we like to do and I have some serious Netflixing to get on top of.... the rest of Season 5 Baby Daddy drops today and I need to know what happens with Danny/Riley.... and Tiny Tucker). Plus, you know, Movies on Demand has Me Before You and apparently I want to have some feelings or some shit.... IN THE PRIVACY OF MY OWN HOME.

We'll have the house to ourselves (Momma, Tayder, and I.... like we usually do), so I'm also hoping that I'll get to have a burrito and some pizza at some point. Because goals, people. I probably sound kind of crazy right now.... did I mention that I haven't been sleeping good (or, at all) for a few months now? It was ok at first, but now I think it's starting to catch up.

Fingers crossed that I get out of here early today. Have a fantastic weekend, have fun, and DO NOT drink and drive!!

I studied and went to a birthday party.

(I've been out of school for eight years. Oy.... that hurts my soul to say).

Remember on Tuesday when I said that Shelley wanted Momma and me to come to their apartment for Madisyn's birthday? Well, last night we went and had a good time. It was only Momma, Aunt Poot, Solae, and I besides Shelley, her hubby, and their three kids, but we all had a great time, regardless. There was cake and chunky babies, and really, what more do you need? Plus, Momma and I always have a great time together and when you add Aunt Poot into the mix, things only get better.

We all just hung out and talked. I hadn't gotten to see Shelley since Payton's birthday party (last December), so we had a thing or two to catch up on. Oh, and we swapped phone numbers (again) because we try to stay in touch, but we're very terrible at it.

Madisyn has grown so much!! You see all of her adorableness? Yeah, that's twenty-six pounds of cuteness, right there. Y'all should see her chunky little thighs. Cutest shit that I've ever seen in my entire life. She didn't want anybody to hold her but Shelley, no worries though, I bribed her into liking me, so she let me carry her around for a bit. (Oh, and I helped Solae study for her science test that she has today while we were in the car last night. Keep your fingers crossed for her!!).

Hopefully, we won't have to wait for another birthday to see Shelley and the family again!! We really need to get better at that.

Is Tuesday morning too late to cry for the weekend that was or too early to cry for the weekend that isn't here yet?

(Can we look into some food right about now?!).

Is it just me or do the weekends seem to fly by without a care in the world? The same thing goes for evenings after work. All day at work yesterday, I swear I was there for at least nineteen hours.... and then.... as soon as I got home, POOF. Evening gone. I looked down before I even realized it and was like- "how in the hell is it already 7:30?" I just didn't know how the madness was possible. But, I mean, I had a burrito and candy for dinner, so who's the real winner in all of this? ME. (And Momma and Tayder).

It didn't do anything, but rain all day Saturday and since it was beyond gross, we stayed in for the day and cleaned and watched movies. (I only minimally cleaned on Saturday, I did the real cleaning on Sunday). Most people would say that's an extremely lazy way to spend a whole day and night, but I don't give a crap; it was great. We ran through The Debt (beyond excellent), The Boss (Melissa McCarthy cracks me up.... and Peter Dinklage? YES.), and Exeter (creepy, and good). Not to mention I made a vanilla cake FROM SCRATCH, because the only sweet thing we had anywhere in our house was a can of chocolate frosting (no worries, I have rectified that situation and gotten candy since). The cake was a lot thicker than you remember, because box cakes are different, but it was pretty good. Try this one.

And of course, poor Tayder has had two baths within three days, because he is the most pitiful little ichibum that you've ever seen in your entire life. And Momma's had a headache that she couldn't shake for about three days, but finally yesterday, we got it shaken.... not stirred (Ha! I got jokes). Sorry, I'm a little delirious. I rolled over this morning and I was just about to pass out again when my alarm started going off (insert sad face here). Oh, and Shelley wants Momma and I to come to her house with Aunt Poot tomorrow, because Madisyn is already a year old (and I'm getting old as shit). I don't know if we're going or not, but I reckon we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Here's to another week and pulling through it. Good luck to us all.

For some reason, it's been a really "off" couple of days.

(I feel "fine".... just.... "off.").

"Because, sometimes, when you're having a really weird and/or bad day, and you can't help but to feel "off", all it takes is one good friend to make it better. Thanks a million, and I miss you a lot."

Do y'all ever have one of those mornings that as soon as you wake up, you're like, "nope, this morning is not for me?" That was me as soon as my alarm went off this morning. Every morning your body wants you to sleep in, you have to get up early. And every morning that you have the opportunity to sleep in? WIDE AWAKE. Your mind is just full of the important questions that won't let you rest. Questions like, "why do we exist as human beings?" And, "who was the first guy that was holding a potato and thought, I'm gonna make vodka out of this?"

I feel just fine. A little tired, but nothing major, and certainly not sick or bad. I just feel a little bit.... "off." I'm going to blame it on the fact that I'm hungry and we both know that I'm just not me when I'm hungry. Where's a Snickers bar when you need one?! I probably just need a good movie night with pizza and a few snuggles with that ole puppy dog of mine (hi, Tayder!), and I'll be good as new. Ok, maybe not as good as new, because Lord knows I ain't getting any younger over here, but you know what I mean.

Oh, and Noodle finally got ahold of me last night. But more on that later.

Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at supper time.

(And for lunch today, because yolo.).

I have a couple of friends named Tabby that I've known almost my entire life, and her husband Mikey (who is also my friend and have known forever and a day), that used to live next door to us in apartment#2 in Tennessee. We all like to refer to that time as the "you never know when one of us is gonna show up and eat your food and use your freezer" phase. Basically, we left our doors unlocked and all of us would come in and out of each others places and it was kind of like we all lived together just separated by one big wall.

It worked for us.

We had movie nights (Mikey had a giant tv and we made good use of it- Star Trek? YES.), cooked for each other, ran to the others bathroom if ours was occupied, watched each others dogs (and their cat), and all was well that ended well. Or, however that saying goes. We never had any problems and I'd go on record about saying they're pretty much the best neighbors (and friends) that you could have.

Tabby and me like to cook. She's more of a recipe kind of gal and I'm more of a "fly by the seat of your pants and see what happens" kind. We learned that when you put those two things together, you can come up with some very interesting things. By far, my favorite thing that she ever cooked for me (and she cooked a lot) is her bbq/chicken pizza. It is so amazing and delicious. I'm hungry right now just thinking about it. I haven't had it in so long (since before we moved to Indiana), and I wanted it so bad that I sent her a message for the recipe (because you don't want to fly on this one- it's fantastic just like she makes it).

Her message to me:

Bbq chicken pizza is really easy. ...... All you need is: a pizza crust (I use the kind in a can like biscuits); boneless skinless chicken; bbq sauce; sliced tomatoes; onion (I use red onion) and mozzarella cheese;

Step 1: Cook chicken in skillet basting with bbq sauce
Step 2: Cook pizza crust according to directions
Step 3: To assemble pizza, spread bbq sauce all over crust, shred chicken and add next, then add cheese, on top of cheese add tomatoes and onions and cook (350° for however long it needs). Some people like a crispier crust, some like it a bit softer.

Seriously, that's it.

P.S. I totally added pineapple to ours, because we had it, it went, and it was so very delicious. #NoRegrets

You like her whole "add cheese on top of cheese" comment? We are definitely a couple of cheese lovers (except blue cheese, because ew gross). And now, thanks to her, I have a delicious new dinner (or let's be honest, snack) to make often. I know it's fantastic all by itself, but if I get the chance to throw pineapple on something, I usually do. Except salad, I don't want any kind of fruit in my salad.

I may not make the prettiest pizzas, but thanks to her I sure do make a delicious one.

How an 80s show created in the new millennium blew my mind.

(Y'all, the Duffer brothers? Geniuses.).

Have y'all watched Stranger Things on Netflix yet? In case you haven't, stop right where you are and go watch it immediately. Mostly, because there are going to be MAJOR SPOILER ALERTS all over the place, and because you DO NOT want to miss this show. Seriously, go ahead, I'll wait.

............ don't worry, I'm waiting........

............  fret not, still waiting (patiently)........

Did you watch it? Did you love the hell out of it? Because if you say no, I'm pretty sure that we can't be friends and there is something for real wrong with you. And not the whole, "you're a freak" kind of wrong with you (I love weird people, because let's be honest, I'm weird as shit myself), but the kind of "we could never be friends because we have nothing in common" kind of strange.

For people who did love the show, step right up, because we've got some major recapping, speculating, and madness to get to.

Y'all. FOR REAL. Was this show not the best thing that you've seen in WAY TOO LONG?!! This past Sunday, Momma and I decided (mostly I decided, because she was still asleep when I turned the TV on- she woke up right as it was starting) to give Netflix/Winona Ryder's new show a go. We figured, the least we could do was watch the first episode to see what it was all about and decide if it was worth watching all the way through eventually..... We finished it Sunday night. Yeah, we binge watched it from beginning to end, because we couldn't stop ourselves.

Aunt Poot called and invited us down for supper at around five in the evening and even though we went, we paused right where we were, and almost couldn't pull ourselves away long enough to do anything partially productive.

Side note: I will never listen to The Clash the same way without thinking of little Jonathan (Should I Stay or Should I Go...... sorry).

The point is, we were going to just watch the first episode, maybe two, like we do almost every other show and then don't go back and finish like we plan to (I'm looking at you Blacklist, Baby Daddy, Burn Notice, Penny Dreadful, Hell on Wheels, Supernatural, and Once Upon a Time).

And it was so good that we probably could have stopped, but we had no will or intention to.

It's the Goonies, meets the X-files, meets Stand By Me, meets E.T. Why would you want to stop?! Also, the kid that plays Jonathan (I say kid, but I'm pretty sure he's just a couple of years younger than me) reminds me of little Eddie Furlong when he was in Terminator2, so clearly he's my favorite and I'm his number one fan, because how do you not love him?! (Team Jonathan over Team Steve all day every day).

As far as the other kids go? SO AWESOME. Did I mention that little Dustin has no front teeth and is about the cutest little thing that you could come across? Because he totally is. Mike reminds me of John Francis Daley from his Freaks and Geeks days, Eleven (or shall we say, El) is a constant reminder of Wil Wheaton from Stand By Me (in the cutest and greatest way imaginable), and Lucas with his Rambo bandana? YES.

Winona is at her most superb, David Harbour couldn't play a better character (going from indefinitely aloof to serious badass in 2.3 seconds), and there just isn't enough that I could say about this entire cast and concept that doesn't work and isn't fantastic. It's so incredible, that watching El and the way that the boys love her and respond to her, I half-heartedly wanted to shave my entire head and eat nothing but Eggo's for the rest of my life.

And can we just mention the best parts of this series? Demons coming out of the walls, communicating via Christmas lights and ABC's, Jonathan totally whooping Steve's ass all up and down that alley, vans flipping/arms breaking/people peeing their pants via telekinesis?!! YES.

I totally can't wait for the sequel/season 2, whatever you want to call it. As soon as we finished it I was so sad that there wasn't more. (Am I the only one that isn't incredibly sad about Barb? Don't get me wrong, I liked her alright, but I have more pressing matters to attend to- aka everything else).

Here's to you, kids. Watch it. Immediately. And remember, in a world full of tens, be an Eleven.

It's finally Friday and all I want to do is drink wine and eat chicken and watch tv and sleep.

(I honestly thought about just ignoring my alarm and responsibilities this morning).

Have y'all ever had one of those weeks where no matter what you do there never seems to be enough time to accomplish everything and by the end you're totally exhausted? That's my life at the moment. And it's not even that there are a lot of things going on, but it's just that the work hours have been really long, and all of the other hours seem to disappear without a trace (you know, the ones that let you do things like cook, clean, go to the grocery store, mow your grass, watch your favorite tv shows, and sleep).

After work yesterday Momma and I ran out to get those fans and we just grabbed a bite while we were out, because cooking was not in the cards for either of us. When we got home I assembled the fans (just call me Tim the Toolman Taylor), and then we gave our house the thorough cleaning that it so desperately deserved (dust = death), did laundry and finally got to take a shower and sit down for two minutes. By the time we got all of that done and showers, it was far after eleven.

So, this morning when my alarm went off at 4:45 am (yes, I know I have to get up over asscrack early- trust me, I know) calling me to my adult responsibilities? All I wanted to do was sleep. I wanted to say the hell with being an adult (because it's the worst) and I wanted to sleep until almost noon (fat chance, I can never sleep late like that) and then eat and do little to nothing for the rest of the day. But did I do that?

NO. The answer to that is hell no. Why?! Because I have this thing called self preservation and while I'm good with filling my body full of alcohol, candy, and bacon cheeseburgers, I am not good with someone showing up at my house at five in the morning to pounce on me and drag my bitch ass to work against my will (I'm looking at you, Danielle). I figured it would just be easier to drag my own bitch ass to work against my will. Saves everybody gas money that way.

But after 3:30 this afternoon? I'm home free for two days, fourteen hours and thirty minutes. Or, 3750 minutes. You know, to make it sound like it's more time than it actually is. And I'm going to try to milk the weekend goodness for all it's worth. And probably eat a bunch of good food and drink too much (tonight). And try to talk Momma into gas station chicken (yes, I'm one of those weird ass people that loves gas station food) and a ride to DiscReplay (again, tonight- let's see if they have old school Terminator and Outsiders).

It's the little things.

Every time I'm in air conditioning, I get ridiculously hungry.

(It's weird as hell).

I know why I'm getting hungry on a whole new level, but it doesn't mean that I feel like it's normal. You see, as of this moment we don't have any air conditioning in our house (don't worry, we're going to get some fans today so it will be livable- it's been anywhere from 87° to 93° in our house for days), therefore eating isn't high on the priority list. I don't know about you, but when I'm hot my appetite is a no show. And that's not a good thing for me, because my eating habits are strange enough without another factor butting in.

So, because I'm not really eating at home (me, Momma, nor Tayder are), whenever one of us gets cooled down (i.e. work or the grocery store) we become so hungry that it begins to be a serious problem. In the words of Boyd Crowder "I'm so hungry right now, I could eat the ass out of a low flying duck." (The man is just classy and knows what's up).

And sleeping? Forget about it. I think I passed out for about an hour yesterday afternoon and that is the most consistent sleep that has happened all week. I worry about Momma and Tayder to the point of that's why we're getting air and/or more fans tomorrow. I don't want either of them getting so hot that they get sick. That's just not good on any level. So, hopefully this day/ evening won't be too awfully horrible and by tomorrow we can get it taken care of (wish us luck). And then we can all relax.

And eat chicken. Because, you know, HUNGER.

It's a bird. It's a plane. NO!! It's Sammy D.

(Yes, it's Sammy D - strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men).

Hey that's me!! Kidding. That's not really me. But it is my little cousin. See how cute he is? And tall. Very tall. He's only eight for crying out loud!! Eight and ornery as the day is long.

I've just recently started getting to see Sammy on a (semi)regular basis. His dad is my cousin (whom I don't even talk to), but him and Sammy's mother are divorced and since my aunt (his grandma) gets to babysit him a couple of times a week, we get to see him.

Remember when I mentioned him on his birthday?! Same little guy. But I swear he's grown a foot since then.

He's as lovable as they come. Seriously, Momma and I went over to visit Aunt Poot and Uncle Darrell and he just so happened to be there (you know, getting babysat over his summer break) and he walked right over to me, jumped on my lap, and hugged me until I almost couldn't breathe. Almost.

Then he insisted on showing me how he wanted his hair done (fire hydrant red) and he sat there on his Ipad looking stuff up and we just talked. It's amazing how much I have in common with him (mostly, our food palate- only I think his might be a bit more refined than mine). And then his mom came and picked him up and he made sure to give out hugs galore and "I love yous" for the whole crowd. And by crowd, I mean me, Momma, Aunt Poot and Uncle Darrell.

I don't even flinch or get an eye twitch when he hugs me (and yes, that is my usual reaction to children). He's getting far too big, far too quickly, but you know what? I'm glad I get to see it, because it really is an amazing thing to experience. I may not want my own kids (for real, I don't want any of my own EVER so quit asking), but it certainly is amazing to watch the ones I love grow from these teeny tiny little blobs of spit and cries into the awesome little people that they are.

And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go tuck my sentimental self back in. WHERE SHE BELONGS.

How in the f*ck is it only Tuesday?!

(Are we being serious right now?!).

Here it is Tuesday and the only thing I have to show for it is the fact that I'm dragging my ass further into this week. What happened? It seems like it was just Friday night and the next thing you know my alarm was going off at 4:45 am Monday morning for work. No, this isn't a trick, I really do get up at 4:45 am for work. I know, I accept your condolences.

I think people are trying to trick me. How? Because I'm pretty sure that it's at least Thursday evening and they're just not telling me. NOT FUNNY YOU GUYS. I'm kind of waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out from behind one of our filing cabinets and be all- "Just kidding, Katie! Oh, we got you good!! Now go home and chill for the next fifteen days." (I don't know why fifteen, but it sounded really good in my head). How old did I just make myself sound with that whole Ashton Kutcher/ Punk'd reference? You know what, don't answer that. It'll probably just piss me off.

And because I'm having one of those kind of want to nap/ kind of want to cook a twelve course meal days, I've been a bit more sarcastic than usual. I know, I didn't think it was possible either. But alas, here we are. And here we shall remain until it's time to blow this popsicle stand.

At least it's only 75° out..... and raining.

I can't wait to complain about how cold it is..... again.

(This summer is being a little bitch and I am not a fan. I always liked fall/winter better anyways).

(The above picture is from a blog post written by Samantha Irby over at Bitches Gotta Eat. I had to share it, because it reflects my sentiments perfectly.).

Do y'all remember when I was talking about winter sticking around for an unusual amount of time this year, and how everybody was going crazy from cabin fever, because going out was like dipping your balls (whether you have physical or metaphorical ones) in the same water that took Jack Dawson? We were all in denial and still doing events for warm weather, even though we were cold as shit. Remember all of that? Well, good news, that is no longer the case.

In fact, the weather changed around overnight and I mean that 100%. On a Thursday night it was 27° and the following Friday it got up to 89°. And that's not even an over-exaggeration. It literally went from freezing into Mad Max for an entirely different reason. As in, now it's so hot and dry it feels like a desert wasteland. Or something like that.

The humidity is at an all time high, and it's currently 93° outside. And it's 11:31 am. Yeah, it's already 93° this early in the day. And let's not even talk about the humidity and heat index. Ugh. And it's supposed to be this temp/humidity all week and possibly for the rest of my life, because global warming and shit.

Come on, mother nature, with this election coming up, we have enough to worry about and fear besides the temperature. Have a little sympathy over here. Whatever happened to predictability of seasons? Being predictable isn't all that bad, you know. Don't listen to anyone who says otherwise at this instant. Just let me know, I know a couple of people that will fight them over it.

Y'all should see my hair. That is probably the most hilarious part out of everything. You remember that scene in the Lion King where Simba jumps in the water and then shakes out and his hair is bigger than anything naturally is in the jungle? Yeah, think that plus Weird Al and you may be on the right track to understanding whatever this is on top of my head. I've been trying to tame it with frizz spray, hair dryers, straighteners, hairspray, and anything else I can get my grubby little paws on, and so far, I look only mildly scary.

So..... win?

I could've stayed in bed today. In bed's where I belong.

(It's raining like no other outside).

Have you ever had one of those days where as soon as you wake up your brain just immediately starts running 100 mph? And not even necessarily about important things, but about random shit and things that you don't even need to worry about? Happened to me this morning.

This past weekend was pretty low-key (which I'm more than good with). Thursday Aunt Poot and Solae came over for dinner, and Friday Momma and I went with them out for supper. We went to a place called "Mug-n-Bun". The food was really good, but it was a little expensive. And by little, I mean, holy hell is their food cased in gold or something? For real.

I think the most "strenuous" thing that I did over the weekend was clean the house and give Tayder a bath (and he was not happy about it). The rest of the time was spent just hanging out and watching Criminal Minds (and now my paranoia is at a all time high).

Dani and them are officially on their vacation, which means I'm going to have the office all to myself this week. (I turned the radio station off of npr and onto the country music station first thing this morning). I don't mind, I just do all of my work and go with the flow. I'll be having a few days off this coming September. Momma has to have surgery on her eyes, so I'm going to take a couple of days off for that. I know, we know how to party on vacation. But, I want to be there when she has the surgery and the next day for her recovery time.

Now if y'all will excuse me, I have some random thoughts to drive myself crazy with.

For the Record- Jennifer Aniston.

(She said exactly what she meant. And you just have to love that).

Have y'all read the Huffington Post article that Jennifer Aniston contributed (i.e wrote the whole damn thing)? If not, you are seriously missing out. That lady finally got fed up with the pregnancy/ going to be forever alone (even though she's married- and seems very happy with it) rumors about her and spoke out. I mean, who wouldn't be tired of it at this point? It's been over a decade (2005 was a rough year- BUT it was also eleven damn years ago, so maybe just move on).

She wrote about how someday she might be a mother, but whether she is or isn't, she doesn't feel incomplete or unhappy with her life. She knows that she isn't defined by her ability to reproduce or keep a man. She is aware that people in this day and age still feel like every woman should have the idea of marriage and motherhood in her head constantly, but she also knows what she wants and that whatever that is, that's all that matters, because it is her life. It's her decision and it's her choice. And she wants people to get that.

As a twenty-six year old woman who happens to be single and has never wanted to be a mother (except maybe a dog mom- Hi Tayder!), I understand where she's coming from. No, I don't know what it's like for someone to follow me around constantly and scrutinize my every move, but I understand how she feels when people assume and then are baffled when their idea of your life doesn't match their own. My favorite?

Random person: "So, when are you having a baby?" Me: "I'm not, I've never wanted to have a baby. Or be married" Random person: ".......What? Why wouldn't you want to be a mother? It's the greatest blessing there is. And every girl wants to be married to the guy she loves." Me: "Well, no, not every girl wants that. I've never wanted to have my own babies; and as far as the guy goes, I can be with someone and faithful to only them, and not have to marry them." Random person: "But..... that's what girls want. What's wrong with you?" Me: "I would think so many things, but nothing when it comes to this." Random person: "Don't worry, you'll change your mind and want it someday." Me: "Clearly, you don't know me at all."

So, yeah, I completely understand where she's coming from on that front. She says it far better than I ever could, read below for her article.

[[ Let me start by saying that addressing gossip is something I have never done.  I don’t like to give energy to the business of lies, but I wanted to participate in a larger conversation that has already begun and needs to continue. Since I’m not on social media, I decided to put my thoughts here in writing.

For the record, I am not pregnant. What I am is fed up. I’m fed up with the sport-like scrutiny and body shaming that occurs daily under the guise of “journalism,” the “First Amendment” and “celebrity news.”

Every day my husband and I are harassed by dozens of aggressive photographers staked outside our home who will go to shocking lengths to obtain any kind of photo, even if it means endangering us or the unlucky pedestrians who happen to be nearby. But setting aside the public safety aspect, I want to focus on the bigger picture of what this insane tabloid ritual represents to all of us.
If I am some kind of symbol to some people out there, then clearly I am an example of the lens through which we, as a society, view our mothers, daughters, sisters, wives, female friends and colleagues. The objectification and scrutiny we put women through is absurd and disturbing. The way I am portrayed by the media is simply a reflection of how we see and portray women in general, measured against some warped standard of beauty. Sometimes cultural standards just need a different perspective so we can see them for what they really are — a collective acceptance... a subconscious agreement. We are in charge of our agreement. Little girls everywhere are absorbing our agreement, passive or otherwise. And it begins early. The message that girls are not pretty unless they’re incredibly thin, that they’re not worthy of our attention unless they look like a supermodel or an actress on the cover of a magazine is something we’re all willingly buying into. This conditioning is something girls then carry into womanhood. We use celebrity “news” to perpetuate this dehumanizing view of females, focused solely on one’s physical appearance, which tabloids turn into a sporting event of speculation. Is she pregnant? Is she eating too much? Has she let herself go? Is her marriage on the rocks because the camera detects some physical “imperfection”?

"The objectification and scrutiny we put women through is absurd and disturbing."

I used to tell myself that tabloids were like comic books, not to be taken seriously, just a soap opera for people to follow when they need a distraction. But I really can’t tell myself that anymore because the reality is the stalking and objectification I’ve experienced first-hand, going on decades now, reflects the warped way we calculate a woman’s worth.

This past month in particular has illuminated for me how much we define a woman’s value based on her marital and maternal status. The sheer amount of resources being spent right now by press trying to simply uncover whether or not I am pregnant (for the bajillionth time... but who’s counting) points to the perpetuation of this notion that women are somehow incomplete, unsuccessful, or unhappy if they’re not married with children. In this last boring news cycle about my personal life there have been mass shootings, wildfires, major decisions by the Supreme Court, an upcoming election, and any number of more newsworthy issues that “journalists” could dedicate their resources towards.

Here’s where I come out on this topic: we are complete with or without a mate, with or without a child. We get to decide for ourselves what is beautiful when it comes to our bodies. That decision is ours and ours alone. Let’s make that decision for ourselves and for the young women in this world who look to us as examples. Let’s make that decision consciously, outside of the tabloid noise. We don’t need to be married or mothers to be complete. We get to determine our own “happily ever after” for ourselves.

"We are complete with or without a mate, with or without a child. We get to decide for ourselves what is beautiful when it comes to our bodies."

I have grown tired of being part of this narrative. Yes, I may become a mother some day, and since I’m laying it all out there, if I ever do, I will be the first to let you know. But I’m not in pursuit of motherhood because I feel incomplete in some way, as our celebrity news culture would lead us all to believe. I resent being made to feel “less than” because my body is changing and/or I had a burger for lunch and was photographed from a weird angle and therefore deemed one of two things: “pregnant” or “fat.” Not to mention the painful awkwardness that comes with being congratulated by friends, coworkers and strangers alike on one’s fictional pregnancy (often a dozen times in a single day).

From years of experience, I’ve learned tabloid practices, however dangerous, will not change, at least not any time soon. What can change is our awareness and reaction to the toxic messages buried within these seemingly harmless stories served up as truth and shaping our ideas of who we are. We get to decide how much we buy into what’s being served up, and maybe some day the tabloids will be forced to see the world through a different, more humanized lens because consumers have just stopped buying the bullshit. -Jennifer Aniston ]]

And that ladies and gentleman, is how that shit is handled.