We talk about how glad we are to be married to each other all the time.

**while watching Catfish on tv (yes, we watch reality tv…. ok, I watch it and my hubby just indulges me)**

Catfishee: “I don’t even know if I should say what he said.”

Nev (+ me): “Oh, you should definitely tell us what he said.”

Catfishee: “He said, I wanna sniff, smell, and eat your ass.”

Me: **turns to D** “Damn. Pickup lines have gotten so graphic these days. It’s really just Mad Max out there.” D: …………. Me: “I just aged myself like thirty-five years, didn’t I?” D: **kisses my forehead, chooses to not answer, and goes back to his game** Me: **knows I’ve been appeased, but honestly I can’t blame the man** 

❤️ Any day we get to celebrate each other is a good day!! ❤️

Happy Fathers Day, to my (fur)baby daddy! You’re the shit dreams are made of, my love.

I don't care what anyone says, being a (fur)parent is still being a parent! And honestly, I have the best baby daddy around these here parts. You can disagree with any of that all you want, but frankly, I'm not going to listen to it. Then I'm going to keep keeping on my merry little way in my own little world.

Why? Because that amazing baby daddy of mine let's me live in our own little world and it is a nice world to live in.

So here's to you, baby. We may not have a "traditional" family, but we have the amazing family that works for us. I love you to the moon and back and all across the stars! You're it, you're the shit, and you're the best husband and daddy around. 

**all the kisses here**

She graduated and then they threw a shindig on a very pretty day.

A couple weeks ago, Solae graduated from high school. We're beyond proud of her and can't wait to see what she does next! Ok, did that get all the corny mumbo jumbo that you're supposed to say out of the way?

Yes? Good.

Seriously though, we are proud of her and she's a great kid. It's amazing to me that it feels like she was a little bitty thing not too long ago and now here she is, technically an adult. Like, what the f*ck? Is this how everyone feels? Do people feel this way about me? Is this going to happen for the rest of my existence?

Ah, the circle of life. 

They had a party for her today and while I don't tend to venture out of my hole for much (except work, the grocery store, and the occasional run around with my hubby), I had to make an exception for her. Because she is the epitome of a cool kid that deserves it all. Honestly, I love the little shit.

We walked up the street since it was at Aunt Poot's (can we have this weekends weather all day everyday, pleeeeaasssseeee?????) and there were all kinds of people there. Friends, family, it didn't matter. She's popular with us all, because as I said, she's awesome. We got to sign her board (like she did our wedding one!) and look through all of her band competition memorabilia. It was actually really cool and I'm glad she had a good time!

Here's to you, kiddo. We (Me + Dev + the Pups) always got your back and can't wait to see you take on the whole f*cking world. **embarrassing kissy face here**

I really need to look into having a chauffer or something.

 ***while heading to my dentist appointment from work with twenty minutes to get there and contemplating life in general***

Me: "I'm gonna try to be a more calm person. No more overreacting about things out of my control."

**drives behind a woman in a Ford Taurus going 37 in a 40**

Me: "WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOOOIIINNNGGG?!!?! UUGGGHHHH."

Sometimes you have to drive 1,000 miles on a whim.

After my post last Monday, I received a call from D that worried us enough to make an emergency trip to Florida. While I won't go into in-depth detail, I will say that what has hit our family is devastating and unimaginable. My FIL needed us and we all felt the need to rally behind him. 

Not felt. Feel. We still feel the need to rally behind him, we just all have to find our own way to do that. For whatever he or my MIL needs. 

While there, we made sure things were done around the farm and house. Just trying to keep busy and make things as easy as possible for them for the next while. You know, those things that you have on your list to be done eventually, but then "eventually" smacks you in the face and it feels like everything is closing in on you? Yeah, we did those things.

We also managed to wrangle five kids between the ages of two through ten, sweat off seven pounds, and live on coffee to the point I thought I should've just hooked up to an IV of it. Oh, and the immediate family (Dev + MIL + FIL + BIL + SIL) made a hand cast for my MIL to keep around for when she feels like she needs it.

(Side note: I ordered one for D and I upon his request once we got home and I can't wait to do it together!)

There was some much needed time spent with Grandma and honestly, I think everyone just needed some hugs, understanding, and reassurance. Even though we were just there in April, we (especially D) really needed this trip.

I hate that D is so far away from his family. And I hate that he's so far away from them, because of me. But, this is where we've built our life together and everyone understands that we have to be at our home where our lives and jobs are. Does that make it easier, especially in a situation like this? Hell no. 

But, we're trying. D's having a hard time with it, which I completely understand, and we're truly just hoping for the best at this point. At all the points. 

They all know we're just a phone call away and we can't wait to get down and see everyone again soon!

So. Much. F*cking. Change. (And work). But, damn does it look good.

This past weekend, D and I decided to finally tackle our shed/garage/back bedroom. And oy vey, y'all. To say it was a task would be putting it mild as all holy hell. There was SO MUCH work that had to go into it. 

And I know, you're probably thinking "how bad could it possibly have been?" And the answer to that would be, BAD.

You see, three and a half years ago when Momma passed away, I proceeded to put everything into our shed that could be crammed in. Didn't matter what it was or the fact that it wasn't packed properly. I honestly just did not want to deal with it or the emotions that came along with it. 

In fact, that's kind of what happened to our entire house. We've made some changes throughout the years, but mainly it has always felt like it was Momma's house. Even though we lived there together, there were certain things that I refused to change or simply didn't have the strength to deal with. And unfortunately, you can tell that my emotions and depression got the best of me. Because it is was a disaster. 

D, bless him, has been a rock throughout this entire process. Don't get me wrong, he would've rearranged and cleaned and done any and all of it by himself, but it was something that we both knew I was going to want to do one day, we just had to wait for that day to come.

And come it did. (Hehe, that's what she said- yes, I'm twelve).

Our house finally feels like our house. There's not one room either of us can go in that doesn't immediately scream a mixture of us and the life we share together. 

I felt guilt, you know. These last three and a half years I thought somehow if I changed or got rid of something that I would somehow be kicking Momma's memory or something like that. I felt such immense guilt that it was debilitating and I felt as if someone was holding me under water. Eventually I realized that it wasn't right that I felt this way, but unfortunately with depression or anxiety, it is less about what you should feel and more about what you can't help but to feel.

But, here we are. We've tackled a giant portion of our house and the rest doesn't seem quite as daunting as the original prospect of it. With the main part done, we can go through boxes a little at a time. Condense and dispose of. You know, keep moving forward and such. There's still SO MUCH to do, but our house finally feels like our home and it's a very nice thing to come into at the end of the day. Our own place where we can raise our pups and live our lives.... together.

Our love language is sarcasm and I am here for it, baby.

 **does some random cleaning and pulls wedding arch out of our garage**

D: “I‘m just gonna spray this down and clean it up.” Me: “Ok, just be careful of the flowers up top.” D: “They’re fake, right?” Me: “Nah, they’ve just been living in our garage for a year and a half with no sunlight, water, or soil.” D: “……….” Me: “They’re Jesus flowers.” D: **sprays me in the face with the water hose**

Side note: When you tell the hubby you (unrealistically) want your wedding arch in the house and he makes it happen anyways.

I am an extremely lucky (and overindulged- via my hubby) woman. D makes sure he takes care of me and spoils me to the point of being rotten, and I definitely don't hate it.

I never thought that I would A: be spoiled and B: enjoy it as much as I do. But, here I am living the dream. Don't get me wrong, I also like to spoil D and he thrives on it too. We hate telling each other no and our family crest should probably say "Treat Yo Self" but that's neither here nor there.

If people don't like it? Well, I guess they can't come and hang out under my cool wedding arch (ie: our living room).

She outgrew me when she was eight, but this still feels nostalgic.

Ok, we’re both old enough, you can stop now. Here’s looking at you, kiddo. I’m so damn proud of you.

If they could keep the sociopaths at bay, that would be great.

Over the weekend, D and I had a movie/show/documentary marathon. Basically, we watched a bunch of random shit. There were some real good movies in there, but the one that blew our minds the most had to be the Netflix documentary: Our Father.

Have y'all heard about this yet? If not, go and watch it immediately and come back to discuss.

I'll wait...........

Ok, now that you're back and you've watched it, you agree with me, right? What. In. The. Actual. Fuck?!

After watching this documentary on Netflix, clearly, I am an expert in all things criminal justice right now. I have also decided I am an expert on this case in general (I'm not) and since I live in Indianapolis, we all know that means I can jump inside his crazy little mind and know what he was thinking.... right?!

No?! Fine.

The whole premise is basically this fertility doctor from Indianapolis inseminating multiple women with his own sperm and in turn reproducing over 94+ children (and counting!). He never told these women what he was doing and many of them were under the impression that he had used their actual husbands specimen. 

This went on for almost forty years with people believing they had their biological children and fathers together. And the only reason he was caught was because of that whole "23andme" ancestry thing that blows my mind. We've really come a long way with the whole identifying DNA situation.

It started with one and kind of snowballed from there. I can't tell you how horrible I feel for these people. These people were not only mislead (with the exception of the actual doctor), but they were taken advantage of and deceived. There's absolutely no way around that. The women, the children, and even the husbands. Because they're all victims.

I understand that these women wanted to have babies. I understand that when you have any kind of medical procedure performed there are risks and things are out of your hands. HOWEVER, are you really going to sit there and try to justify what this man did?

Not only did he manage to devastate ninety some odd families (I repeat NINETY SOMETHING), but also probably his own, right? His children technically have 94+ half siblings (not including each other) and could very well have been married to one of them. It's a small community and I very much doubt he was going to let someone know what he had done if his child had married another one. He really wanted to keep that shit on the downlow. So, he very well could've just stood by and let that happen. Then again, the way his family and the community rallied around him, it wouldn't be surprising if they're all absolutely fine with it and think he did nothing wrong. 

Because nothing says devotion quite like standing by someone even though they are morally and psychologically damaged.

I don't know if this doctor did this as some sort of sick experiment. I don't know if this doctor was trying to give women the families they so desired. I don't know if this doctor thought ahead. I don't know if this doctor read one too many Nazi doctrines or if he is the epitome of religious extremism. 

Honestly, I'm not so sure he thought about any of the repercussions to his decisions. By the looks of it and the reaction to the situation, I would go as far as to say no, he doesn't care what he has done. He simply wanted to be the best of the best and didn't care how many people he had to take advantage of or what lengths he had to go to.

Even if he was trying to "do something right" and help these women get pregnant, he did so in about the most disgusting way possible. These women had a choice to go to a medical professional to help with a problem. A doctor that they should have been able to trust and were assured by said doctor that everything was by the book.

WHAT FUCKING BOOK WAS HE USING?!

So yes, these women did have a choice when they decided to get artificially inseminated, but their choice was immediately taken from them under false pretenses. Some of these women were led to believe their husbands and themselves could conceive, they just needed "a little help." The doctor then disregarded the husband's specimen in favor of his own. Umm, what? You're saying that you did this, because you didn't have immediate access to donor specimens, but then you just disregard and throw out what you do have? And then you decide not to mention this to anyone and proceed to continuously lie to these people about a legitimate concern?

How is that NOT a crime? You can't force someone to have sex with you under false pretenses, but you can knowingly get them pregnant with your baby (without their consent- they have channels for this kind of thing so people can still have a choice about whom they procreate with) under the technicality of you being a fertility doctor? The fuck?

And if there's one thing I can't stand, it's someone using their religious beliefs to justify the horrible things that they have done and continue to do throughout their lives. I was raised in the holler. Dead ass center of the Bible belt. I can quote scripture and finish what someone is about to say before they even say it.

They kind of drill that into you as a child.

But, never once in my entire life have I met an actual "God-fearing man" that thinks it's ok to hurt those around him. Especially for his own greed or gain. And honestly, isn't that what this all comes down to? 

Strip away the emotional side of it (even though that's incredibly difficult to do) and just look at the facts. The fact is, this man had a reputation for being the absolute best. People flocked to him from miles around. Why? Because of his success rates and word of mouth. How did he come into these results? Well, we all know how he came into those results by now. 

By jerking off in a cup next door to his patients and then inserting it into them.
Fucking ew.
I hope he washed his hands.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying anything negative about anyone (except the doctor, I'm saying all the negative shit about him), but it seems to me that more wasn't done about this simply because people didn't know where to start and were afraid to stand up to a challenge.

People that are supposed to care and uphold our laws just ignored these people and once it was brought to their attention, kind of just went, "eh." 

Oh, you don't know how you would bring criminal charges against him for something like this, because it's unprecedented? Guess what? That has literally been the case for every single thing that someone's never been charged with before. That's how laws come to fruition. Or, at the very least, that's what they lead us to believe. I thought with where we were in the world, (excluding the whole Roe vs. Wade situation happening right now) that something like this couldn't happen without consequences.

I mean, we have literally emerged from the "Me Too" movement and for what? So a medical professional can insert his own specimen into a woman's body without her knowledge or consent and essentially be covered by the whole "technicality" of them wanting help with fertility? I swear, if I had a nickel for every time some dude got away with a horrendous crime against a woman on a technicality, I would be a very rich gal.

So yes, difficult and possibly a failure?
Absolutely.
Worth shooting the shot and maybe preventing something like this in the future and at least attempting to get some form of "justice" for the victims?
Abso-fucking-lutely.
Seriously, what is wrong with you people?

Be a fucking pioneer and use that fancy law degree or political position to do something worth while.

And once the children discovered this entirely fucked from the get-go situation, they began receiving threats and were harassed continuously about telling their story, but you want to talk about the media and how they investigate and use their sources to let people know? When a journalist was literally the only person that would listen to this story. They tried every form of government office they could and no one would even respond to them. Who listened?

A Fox 59 news journalist (Angela Ganote) and Dr. fucking Phil. How y'all feeling about that hill you're standing on now? 

Sorry, I just can't even get over how insane this whole situation and the response to it is.

Ok, this doctor did get two charges brought against him for lying on paperwork to the government, but that's it? And the first known child couldn't bring up anything "personal" in her testimony, but it was acceptable for people to write in letters to the judge defending this man and saying he's the best and should walk away? How is that not mixing personal with the judicial system? Also, you took his medical license and put him on probation? Dude, the man was already retired and living the cushy life that he afforded from his forty year deception of his patients. How is this justice and how are you still saying he's a good guy? How are people still defending him and others simply standing by?

To say that I'm feeling very uncomfortable as a woman would be an understatement. To say that I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable being a woman in Marion County knowing what someone can do and get away with and no one will even bother to listen or try to help? Worse. And I know it's not only happening (and happened in general) here, but when it's down the street from your house, it feels a whole other level of invasive.

I am not a lawyer. I am not a politician. I am not a genius. But, I do know when something is fucked up and this? This takes the race in this round.

These people could literally be dating or married to their half-sibling. Kids are growing up and could be in relationships with their cousins. There is an entire fallout of this that it doesn't feel like the system took into consideration. I mean, if you know you have an STD and sleep with someone without telling them and they get it, it's a crime. So, how is this not? These people have to live with this and they have absolutely no idea the repercussions that are going to continue for years upon generations to come. 

My heart goes out to these people involved. (NOT the doctor). I wish you all the best and I hope that people start using not only their common sense, but also their humanity and start doing something about this. Because this? This is unacceptable.

Fucking people, dude.

I feel like someone took Lucille to my face: Post Op. (Part II).

Well y'all, it's official. I'm never gonna dance again. Why? Because guilty feet have got no rhythm.

I'm just f*cking with you, I've never danced. Not well at least. No, I'm just trying to stay positive and use my favorite defense mechanism.... sarcasm. 

The truth is, I had my top row of teeth removed and had to get a temporary plate (until my custom one is finished) last Friday. This entire process has been ongoing for a bit and we're at the second(?)/third(?)/something stage. I'm not really sure what stage you would count this as?

Whichever one it is, it's the painful and frustrating one.

I have to wear this plate damn near 24/7, with the exception of the time it takes for me to shower (that's when I have to take it out and clean it hansolo style), including but not limited to sleeping. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind at all and I much prefer to have some teeth in my head, but it's still pretty sore so even moving it a tad makes me want to pee down my leg.

I just keep reassuring myself that this is all temporary. That this is just part of the healing stage and eventually things will get better and easier. I'm not real sure if I believe that or if I just keep telling myself that in hopes of living in denial, but there's a 50/50 chance either way.

One thing I didn't expect this process to do was make me so damn emotional. Seriously, I woke up at three o'clock Friday morning crying and proceeded to cry on and off for the next... oh, I don't know... EVEN NOW. Like, what? I cried before, during, and long after. It's been a few days and has that stopped my random ass waterworks? Hell no. And I can't even pinpoint exactly what it is that's making me cry, so I can't even fix it. Maybe it's just from being so overwhelmed in general? Ugh.

The entire appointment Friday went by real smooth and pretty damn quick. The hardest part of that was getting numbed up for the extractions. You ever had to have work done on your very front teeth? Feels like the needles are being shoved up your nose repeatedly. It's not what I would call a fun time. But, he popped out six of the seven before I even realized he had started. He got to the seventh one though and I almost ran away, because it had been causing me pain. It crumbled on him, but once he got it out informed me that I had so much pain, because I had an exposed nerve. Glad that problem's taken care of.

My adorable husband went in late to work so he could take me to my appointment and he has been taking care of me round the clock. He insisted I not move and do as little as possible over the weekend and still won't let me do anything too crazy around the house, because the doctor said taking it easy is the best way to heal. Luckily for me and my adorable little Gatorbaby (is it lucky? I don't think that's what that means), this entire process has been fairly draining, so getting me to rest as much as possible hasn't really been too bad of a challenge.

The current plate that I have in is for healing/training. It's basically made too large to accommodate for all the situations that will happen in the healing process and it's to help me train myself into wearing one and learn how to eat/talk/etc. before receiving the "custom" one. And I say custom, because it's what I had to have my impressions made for. I'm hoping the new one curves with my jaw, because this one doesn't and it's a pain in the ass trying to get it sealed and stay up there. I also can't use adhesive anywhere except the roof of my mouth (or palette for fancy folks) until my extraction sites are closed up, so it's a process.

A slow, demanding process. That may or may not be my downfall.

I've been trying to have a good sense of humor about it. Even my jokes have been killing it. Everyone has been fairly kind so far, even though I know I look ridiculous, and I'm pretty sure D would punch somebody in the throat if they were mean or hurt my feelings either way. Of course, I can always count on my brother to call out how ridiculous I look. Yes, bro, I know I look like a resident of Whoville.

I played Cindy Lou Who in the Christmas play when I was little and this is just giving me flashbacks. In my defense, I was a lot cuter of a Who at six than I am at thirty-two.

I wouldn't say that I'm in pain. Well, not constant pain at least. I'm more sore and tender than anything. And taking out this plate to clean it, rinse my mouth, and having to put it back in? Cue the peeing down my damn leg. However, I've also refused to take anything more than ibuprofen even though I have the option of something stronger, so I've been trying to keep my complaining about that down to a minimum. 

I'll tell you what, I'd rather deal with this sore/tenderness for a bit as opposed to dealing with that constant toothache. 

Oh, and the entire left side of my face has a nasty bruise. The right is bruised a little too, but nothing like that left. Did I mention I feel less vicious without my natural canines? No? Oh, well, there's that.

Also, how am I ever supposed to french kiss my husband again? Get back to me on that.

Eating is completely off the table right now. My mouth is simply too damn tender to deal with food. And trust me, I HAVE TRIED. Since I can't have food, D has been making me these breakfast essential/protein shakes with extra chocolate syrup. Mostly because he's the absolute best, but also so I don't starve and hopefully get some much needed vitamins.

Speaking of D, y'all, he has been taking such good care of me. I thank him constantly and he's all "I'm your husband, I'm supposed to take care of you, I love taking care of you, I love you." This hasn't been a pleasant experience whatsoever, but it would've been a shit ton worse without him. He's really just made sure I'm ok and I can't tell you how much that means to me. Because I most definitely have not been ok.

Oh, and my lisp is back. Like, full force pretending like I didn't have to take four years of speech therapy growing up to improve my speech impediment kind of back. And I whistle my s's. Fuuuuuck me.

My days have been full of rest and taking it easy. I go to work and do little things around the house (a load of laundry or wash some dishes), but for the most part, I've been trying to stay calm and relax. It's not like I actually have the energy to do anything even if I wanted to. 

I go back in to the dentist tomorrow (5/19) for my first follow up since the extractions and hopefully they can readjust this current plate a little and he thinks I'm healing up well and making decent progress. A girl can dream, right?

So, that's where I'm at with it. Swollen and looking like a member of the Whoville senior citizens club. But, I'm taking it the best I can and chugging along. Because I'm not a quitter and as my hubby said, I'm adaptable. Sure, it may take me awhile, but I'll be damned if this learning curve is gonna best me.

At least, that's what I keep telling myself. *insert nervous laughter here*

❤️ When mama is down for the count, her boys don’t stray too far. ❤️

She’s such a little cutie (just like her mama!) that she can literally steal my Polar Pop whenever she wants. 🧡🧡 (#vacationthrowback).

Wooaahhh, we're halfway tthhhheeerrreee: Post-Op. (Part I).

As I said yesterday, I went to my dentist appointment and started the process of having my top teeth removed and receiving a plate. I had three teeth removed from the right side of my mouth in the back (including wisdom/molar) and had to receive stitches. Not to mention, I bled and am currently bleeding like I've been stabbed.

Was it fun? Hell no. Did I die? Also, no. 

It wasn't fun by any means, but it's over now and I just have to heal up and wait until my next appointment. Which is a week from tomorrow. And yes, I realize that I'm having all of this major work done on Friday the 13th. The irony is not lost upon me. 

I didn't take the day off this time around, but next Friday I will be taking the day off, because my appointment is at 9:00am and I'm assuming that I'll be feeling real shitty afterwards. 

Three teeth this time, seven the next. 

Oy vey. I don't particularly like taking pain meds. I'll take them if I absolutely have to, but I'm not a fan of how sick and gross they make me feel. So, I'm managing this pain with ibuprofen and hoping for the best. Hopefully, I'll be that way next week too. That's the best way to go about it, right? 

Livin' on a prayer.

So.... after work today (I seriously just want to crawl into my bed and stay there for six days) I think I'll pick up my prescriptions (antibiotics, yay!) and try to take it easy this weekend. Because I'll have to take it easy next weekend too. Honestly, it's gonna be rough for a little bit. 

But, I'm a tough cookie. Even though I can't have cookies right now, because I can barely choke down some jello and pudding. But, I digress, because at least this shit show is on the road.

They also took my impressions yesterday. Have you ever had impressions made? If not, let me tell you, I straight up thought they were gonna pull my teeth out of my head while removing them. Those things set up like nobody's business. My dentist told me he wanted to make my new teeth the same size as the originals, because it fits my mouth "well." Which sounded a little weird, but also exactly like what I wanted, so I'm going with it.

If y'all need me, I'll be over here trying not to let my face explode. 

I'm trying to whoosah through my anxiety attack and it's not working.

Today is the day that I go into the dentist to have the first round of my top teeth removed. To say that I'm nervous would be an understatement. D and I were talking about it last night and he asked me what I was most worried about.

Honestly, I'm not really sure what I'm most nervous about. I'm not excited to have to go through the pain and process of healing, but I've had many teeth removed over the years and that's not necessarily a problem. Sure, it's uncomfortable and inconvenient, but it comes with the territory. 

Maybe it's the fact that I think I have infection in one of my teeth and I'm worried that with my immune system not being what it used to be it could cause issue. Then again, I trust my dentist and antibiotics are a factor, so that's probably not it.

Perhaps it could be that I don't know how long I'll have to wait between this appointment and the next and I really just want this process to be over with so I can heal and get used to the new normal. Added to this is the fact that I'm constantly worried one of my remaining teeth are going to break off and I'll be walking around dealing with that. Hopefully, this will be only a couple of week kind of situation, but you never know. 

Then again, it could just be the itty bitty vain part of myself from deep inside calling out my insecurities and wondering if I'll still look like me. I know I will look different, but I still want to look normal and like myself. You know? 

Either way, this entire process starts off today (technically, it started on 4/26 with the actual appointment, but you know what I mean). And my amazing husband took off work early so he can meet me at our house and drive me to/from my appointment. He loves me like that.

I don't know what the healing for this all is going to look like, but since I didn't take today or tomorrow off work, hopefully it won't be too awfully terrible. I guess we'll see. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to plan out my meals of jello, mashed taters, and ensure for the next however many weeks. I know, it sounds real glamorous. And just so you're aware, the only reason I'm adding in the ensure is because my husband is convinced I'll waste away to nothing (his words, not mine). *dramatic* Wish me luck and May the Fourth be with me.

2022 films. (Part I).

I do this thing at times, where I separate the movies I've watched and kind of update people on which movies/shows that I would recommend. I'm not sure why I fall out of the habit of it sometimes... probably has something to do with the fact that my attention span is that of a ferret on methamphetamine, but alas, here we are. We'll see where it goes from here.

I also figured that I would let people play a little catchup from back in the day:

Catch up from 2016.
Catch up from 2017: Part I, Part II, Part III.

Catch up from 2018: Part I, Part II.
Catch up from 2018/2019: Part I, Part II, Part III.

Catch up from 2020: Part I.  

Catch up from 2021: Part I, Part II. 

January's films: Out of Death, Accident Man, Force of Nature, Beyond the Law, Vehicle 19, The Final Wish, Land of the Lost, Doom, Godzilla vs. Kong, Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard.

My favorite: I couldn't decide between two this month so they're actually tied with.... Accident Man and Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard. Both of these movies had me and D cracking up beyond all measure. I honestly don't think we quit laughing through either one. Not to mention they're some damn good action movies. So yeah, definitely both of those! Least favorite of the month: Picking this was much easier than a favorite.... The Final Wish. Look, I get that most horror movies don't make sense and they're not supposed to. That's one of the things I love about them, they can be beyond random. However, this movie felt like they were trying to make four different movies at once and none of them were good. I just didn't like it at all.

January's rewatched from years gone by: Olympus Has Fallen, The Meg, Rush Hour 3, Super Troopers, Skyscraper, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, 300: Rise of an Empire, Aquaman.

February's films: Nobody, Journey 2 The Mysterious Island, American Renegades, Last Rampage: The Escape of Gary Tison, Wrong Place Wrong Time, Ghostbusters: Afterlife, The Suicide Squad, Resident Evil: Welcome to Racoon City, Free Guy, Copshop, The King's Man, White Men Can't Jump, Texas Chainsaw Massacre(2022), Gridlocked, The Night Crew.

My favorite: There were so many good ones to choose from this month that I honestly can't choose just one, so I decided to at least break it down to two.... Nobody.... and.... Free Guy. Both of those movies had us cracking up or saying "damn" the entire time and I would totally watch both of them again right now. Seriously, D was even mad that we rented Free Guy instead of buying it. Least favorite of the month: This one is so easy that I didn't even have to put much thought into it.... Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City. And no, it isn't because it had new people or is completely different from the originals. No. It's because it is quite literally just a terrible movie. It wasn't so bad that we couldn't sit through it, but it was bad enough that I don't ever want to watch it again. We were both so excited to see this and were met with nothing but disappointment. It's almost like they were trying to make four different movies comes together at once and none of them worked.

February's rewatched from years gone by: Speed, Night School, Game Over, Man!.

March's films: Kate, The Matrix: Resurrections, Outside the Wire, Dead Again in Tombstone, The Adam Project.

My favorite: It's so hard to choose between two of these, but when I get down to it I'm going with.... The Adam Project. The movie was cute and hilarious and Ryan Reynolds could probably make me laugh through a root canal, so there's that. It was a great one! Least favorite of the month: It pains me to say this but.... Dead Again in Tombstone. It wasn't horrible by any means, and everyone knows I love me some Danny Trejo. It just wasn't as good as the others we went through this month.

March's rewatched from years gone by: National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets, Zombieland, Mad Max: Fury Road, Dark Shadows.

April's films: Jackass Forever, Scream(2022), The Batman, Jolt.

My favorite: Let's just put it right out there in the open and admit that between Jackass Forever and Scream, I was real nostalgic this go around. It was like a piece of my childhood caught up to my thirties and I got to enjoy it all with my husband. But for an actual favorite I'm going with.... Jolt. Say what you will, but this movie had us cracking up and there was so much action. It was a good one. Least favorite of the month: This is a hard one, because none of the movies that we watched were bad this go around. My least favorite though would have to be.... The Batman. And no, it's not because Robert Pattinson is Batman. I think he did a good job. And I liked it. It just wasn't near my favorite.

April's rewatched from years gone by: SWAT, Steel Magnolias, Varsity Blues, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

Tv series I've finished: The 100 (season1-3), FRIENDS: The Reunion, Harry Potter: 20th Anniversary Return to Hogwarts, The Big Bang Theory (season1-2), Sex and the City (season1-4), Peacemaker (season1), Ink Master (season1-10), Yellowstone (season2-4), Halo (season1).

Stand-up I've finished: Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain, Gary Owen: Doin What I Do, Jeff Foxworthy: The Good Old Days.

Documentaries I've Finished: I Am A Killer (season1-2), I Am A Killer: Released (season1), American Murder: The Family Next Door, Drew Peterson: An American Murder Mystery.

Books I've Finished: The Iron Predators: Part IV (Ellie Norse, ellie_n82), Lorenzo: Riders of Apollo: Mafia Stories (Dotty456), Chains: Riders of Apollo #10 (Dotty456), The Blind Mate (IrisJoy94), Beneath the Shadows (Ashe_frost), Mr. Bodyguard (Wxnterwxlf), His Angel (Lynn_Xoxo_), Cepheus (Illiteratehomebody), Protect Me (Kathleen Frederick), Rock Me (Kathleen Frederick), Help Me (Kathleen Frederick), Want Me (Kathleen Frederick), Save Me (Kathleen Frederick), Love Me (Kathleen Frederick), The Christmas Conversation (Hinawrites), His Shy Sphinx (Zondra_Allison), The Devil's Looking Glass (Zondra_Allison), Blood Lust (AliciaMarino), Red Reaper: Soldiers of Fortune- Book One (leelabellabooks), Zeus's Angel Outlaws Guardian Protector's MC- Book One (SeleneFH), Given Away (menarhodes), Tattoo Baby (DannielleSheridanMas), Burning Ember (AliceSchiller), Tommy's Angel (andromedaglow), Soren (claudicorn), Sweet as Venom (Explode).

I'm not saying all teenagers are bad, I'm just saying we don't want any.

There are times I think I give kids a hard way to go. I say to myself, “they can’t possibly be the little villains I make them out to be.” Essentially making myself feel like I should be nicer to them.

And then, I get stuck behind a school bus in traffic for fifteen minutes and have to watch teens interact with each other and attempt to interact with me and I’m like, “theeeerrrrrrreee it is. I knew y’all were little assholes.”

Three anxiety attacks and bunches of money later.

I had a dentist appointment yesterday to determine what could be done with my remaining teeth. Everyone that knows me knows that I've had dental problems for YEARS. And this is not one of those times that I'm being dramatic. I legit mean my entire life kind of years.

And unfortunately, dental problems aren't just a vain "I don't look good" (even though I in fact do not) kind of situation. On top of being mortifying (yes I'm missing one of my front teeth and yes it's an issue for me) it's also increasingly painful. I honestly can't remember the last time I ate or slept or hell, even just sat there without a constant throbbing or ache in my mouth.

Shit gets old real quick and frankly, years later, I am beyond over this big bag of dicks.

I've had so much dental work done. SO. MUCH. Thousands upon thousands of dollars trying not to be in pain and look halfway decent and it was all for not. And if I'm being perfectly honest, I didn't have the thousands of dollars to begin with. It was a I needed to have it done and had to pay on it for months at a time to pay it off deal. Which I know is how most people have to go about these types of things, but damn, when it's draining your bank account it hurts.

Especially when it ends up not working out. I mean, two and a half years ago I had a double root canal on my two front teeth and they're in horrible shape. Seriously, they're both broken and I'm incredibly paranoid that I'm going to wake up one morning and be missing one or both of my front teeth. 

That's the extent of it. 

I have to eat ibuprofen like it's goldfish crackers and actually eating? Pfft. I have to cut my food into small pieces or try to shove everything to one side of my mouth to bite and/or chew, because I can't actually use my front teeth to bite anything. They're too weak. 

To say it's frustrating would be an understatement. Mostly because I've always had good oral hygiene. Actually, good hygiene in general. We didn't have a lot growing up, but Momma always made sure we looked nice and were clean. We couldn't afford expensive things, but you best believe we afforded soap, toothpastes, all the essentials for hygienic purposes and care. Throughout my entire life I have brushed my teeth twice a day, flossed regularly and use mouthwash. Still to this day. But, do my teeth care that I try to maintain and be nice to them? 

Hell no. They're ungrateful.

They're too soft to hold any proper fillings and they're constantly wearing down and snapping themselves off at any given moment. They're sensitive to everything (hot, cold, sweet, savory, doesn't really matter). And my tongue is constantly raw and burning. It makes swallowing and getting through the day real sweet. Probably doesn't help that I have the horrible habit of clenching and grinding my teeth without realizing it, but here we are. 

And there I sat. Explaining to my new dentist all the things I've had done to my teeth and how I take care of them and how many problems I've had and keep having. Trying to explain and make him see that I have been trying my entire life to get a handle on this situation and can't seem to hold that grasp. Recalling the times I've had to have teeth pulled from horrible pain. And there have been many. More than many. A plethora really. The man took one look at my x-rays and calmly explained to me that he could see all the work and how hard I've tried. He explained that it wasn't my fault, sometimes these things just happen no matter what we do. 

I was speechless. Because never once in all my time explaining what my teeth are doing has a dentist actually looked me dead ass in the face and understood where I was coming from. He just got it. Didn't think I was crazy or dramatic. Didn't question why I was this frustrated with my mouth at thirty-two years old. Didn't try to talk me into some ridiculously expensive procedure that wasn't going to work out and keep me in the same sinking boat I've been paddling in. Nope. Dude literally just looked at my x-rays, listened to what I had to say and explained why he thought it was happening and what we could do to help. That's it. That's all the man had to say and offer. No judgment or superiority, just understanding and solution.

Shit blew my entire mind.

So that's where we came up with a plan. And that's when I put down the money to have the work done. D and I had already discussed my situation and he informed me "do what needs to be done, we'll make it work, I'm tired of you hurting all the time." It was less than we thought it was going to be, but still hurts me to think about.

And what is the plan? Well.... luckily, my bottom teeth aren't too bad. They could use a little TLC, but they're not in horrible shape. Mostly because every time one of my bottom teeth have hurt it's been so excruciating that I've had it yanked out of my head as soon as possible. So, those are on the back burner (for now). 

The real issue is my top row. I literally have no good and/or salvageable teeth up there. Therefore, I go in on 5/4 to have a few back teeth pulled and an impression made. From there, we'll set up another appointment and when I go in then, they'll pull the remaining teeth in the front and slide a plate right in.

Am I nervous? F*ck yes. Am I excited to not have that constant pain anymore? Also, f*ck yes. Am I excited about the healing time, paying off the money we had to spend, or having to get used to having a denture plate at thirty-two years old? F*ck no. 

But, at the end of the day, this is what is best and I'm so exhausted trying to find another solution. Then again, I honestly think this one is the best and only one I have, so there's no more looking. The plan is set in motion. 

And here my nervous little self sits waiting for this shit to get on with.

It will always be a struggle, but we try to help my mental health with activities together and a stress free home life.

Ever since we went on vacation and came back, D and I have had an avid "chill" about our lives. We do everything that we're supposed to do (ie: work, pay bills, be semi-productive members of society), but I would be lying if I said we weren't in a zen state. And it would also be a lie to say that we hate it. Because we don't. 

Sure, there are things that bother us. Things that make my anxiety go through the roof and things that make his temper flare, but for the most part, we've accepted that we're happier just being together and whoosah about life. 

Honestly, I don't know if it's marriage or my thirties, but whichever it is, I am here for it.

I go to the dentist tomorrow to look into having some pretty extensive dental work done and I've been a bit (I feel justifiably!) nervous about the whole ordeal. D has assured me that it's all going to be fine, because I'm tough and there's nothing we can't handle together (yeah, we treat all things in our lives to be equally important!). I'm going to a new dentist (that my cousin Jen recommended) and he's apparently real nice and effective, so hopefully we'll get this handled and it won't cost me our first born (because those bitches ain't getting my Tayderbug!). 

Nerves, anxiety and stress aside, at the end of the day, I get to come home to my loving husband and amazing furbabies and they do shit like leave me a trail of flowers from the front door of our house into the kitchen (to the steak), so I officially know my little Gatorbaby is cooking me dinner. 

And that, my friends, is what they call balance.

🌴 I should've stayed in bed today.... on vacay. 🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴🌴

Have you ever gotten back from vacation and as soon as you step foot into your everyday life you're just like.... uhh, nope? No? Funny.... happened to me. 

D and I just got back from our annual Florida/see the family vacation (4/1-4/10) and to say that we were perfectly content living the chill life for a week would be an understatement. Seriously, it was so damn nice to just relax and unwind. We rushed for nothing and worried for not. It was honestly damn ideal.

We drove Doug Judy down this year and I have to say this was the most comfortable trip all around yet. The first year had fantastic traffic conditions. Covid was doing it's thing and we were legitimately the only car on the road for miles upon miles, but BeetleJuke was not a comfy ride for a family of five. Last year was extremely comfortable, because we had the van, but traffic was a nightmare and a normally 14/15 hour trip ended up taking us over 22 hours to accomplish. This year though? Not only did we luck out on the traffic front, but Doug Judy was perfect for a family of five. Our trip down took about 13 hours and our trip home took about 11.

I've said it once, but I'll say it again.... DOUG JUDY IS A F*CKING BEAST!!

I got sunburnt to the point of a couple blisters popping up on my shoulder, but it was worth it to get to hang out with everybody, wash mine and my MIL's rides, and drive the side-by-side! I even met some new members of my extended married into family. Ok, they're not new, technically I'm the new one, but they're new to me! Everyone was awesome as always and it amazes me at times what a loving and close family I married into. Shit blows my mind.

I even got thrown into my MIL's pool by D's our 6'8/370 lbs. cousin. Dude literally threw me over his shoulder and laughed when I immediately gave up and just hung there. Bro, I am 5'0/120 lbs. WHERE WAS I GONNA GO?! So yes, I not only got to meet family members that I hadn't had a chance to before (and they were f*cking great!), but I got to see my returning faves! I talk about it like it's a reality show of some sort, but they love me all the same for it.

My FIL made me authentic German food and I'm literally drooling thinking about it right now. He made Rouladen. Have you ever had Rouladen? If not, let me tell you right damn now, you are missing out my friend. The concept of it sounds a bit strange when you explain it, but trust me like I trusted him and you will not be disappointed. Now that I think about it, my in-laws fed me too damn well and now I'm spoiled and all of this non-vacation food is just a real Debbie Downer.

My MIL was going to put me on a horse this time around, but time got away from us (as I said, we rushed for absolutely nothing), so that got postponed until next year. However, the three of us did find the roof rack that I wanted for Doug Judy and seven bags of Acme jerky, so postponing getting on a harbinger of death with hooves was alright with me. I'm nothing if not a compromiser. *wink wink*

While staying with my other FIL, we basically just hung out, watched Ink Master and the new Scream movie (yay!!), chilled, and once again, got in no rush for absolutely anything. Did I mention how relaxed we both were for ten whole days? 

Even the driving didn't stress us out. I don't think either of us have been that relaxed in.... well.... maybe ever. I don't know what it was, but it was just so damn nice.

And now we're back to our everyday lives.... back to work.... and I can't help but think we should've stayed our asses on vacation. Sure, that's completely unreasonable and nobody actually gets to live their entire lives like it's a vacation, but it's a real nice thought. A real, damn good, wish it was a possibility thought.

Honestly, I just want to scream at people to leave me alone and let me live on island time (even though I've never actually been to an island?), because I'M STAYING IN MY BUBBLE WITH MY HUSBAND DAMMIT!

Ugh, fine. Back to the real world it is.

My baby is officially old enough to go bar hopping. 🧡🧡🧡

Happy 21st Birthday to the best baby this side of the Mississippi!! I can’t believe how long I’ve been blessed enough to be this little ones momma, but I do know it’s been the greatest joy imaginable. I love you, Tayder.