I am the proud (pup)mother of three teeny tiny (fur)babies. ❤️

All three of my kids pups think that they're lap dogs. And honestly, the only one that's an appropriate size for such a thing is Tayder. BUT with that being said, that doesn't prevent the three of them from thinking they're teeny tiny.

And I say teeny tiny, because honestly, even I'm convinced that they're teeny tiny little babies. Even though two of the three are pretty massive (they're both bigger than me).

Ever since I've had Tayder, he's walked on me, slept with me, cuddled with me, let me carry him around like a baby, dress him up (although this is against his will), and basically just treat him like a child. Because he IS my child.

Now with Spart and Xur, they think they can do all the things that Tayder does and they expect for us to do all of those things too. Spart sleeps on top of me.... and when I say on top of me, I don't mean that he's as close as possible, I mean he's legitimately ON TOP of me. If I'm laying on my side, he's laying on top of my opposite side. If I'm on my back, he's on my stomach. If I'm on my stomach, he's on my back. You get the point.

They all also think that they're kittycats, because I've always let Tayder lay on the back of the couch. He likes it, it makes him comfy, and like I said, HE'S MY BABY. But, now the other two like to try and lay on the back too.... especially Spart. Except, he's quite a bit bigger than Tayder, so the cushions mostly just squish down. But, he feels like he's sitting on the back like a puttycat.

And Xur, bless his heart. He was a skinny little thing when he came to live with us (he was D's dog when he moved up form FL last December), but after one winter and lots of love from his Momma (aka, me) he got a little more plump.

I say all of this, basically so I can share pictures of my little doggos. You're welcome. (Or, something like that).

It's International Dog Day. Which at my house is every. single day.

Random Person: Katie, how much do you love your dogs?!
Me: Have you ever seen John Wick? ❤️❤️❤️

Tomorrow is my friend, Ashley's, 31st birthday (but if anybody asks, she's 26 and holding on for dear life).

And in honor of said birthday, I thought that I would put it out there, that I still adore this amazing friend of mine and that I wish her all the best and nothing but happiness.

We've been through alot, her and I. We've been in situations that we maybe shouldn't have made it out of, had each others backs at some pretty dicey moments, and looked out for each other on many fronts. While we don't talk as much as what either of us would like, we both know, without fail, that we still have one another if we need them.

When we met, we were both CNA's and she was seeing a friend of my brother's (and then later on, my brother). The first night we hung out (outside of work) she brought me White Castle at two in the morning, and I knew from then on she was a keeper. ;) From there, our friendship was hilarious, and bumpy, and weird, and so much fun.

Between work and having friends in common, we used to spend alot of time together. I couldn't tell you how many long shifts we had to pull in a row (we're talk 16-18 hours, for weeks on end with no break), and how many times we would get off of work and not be able to sleep from all the adrenaline that we had (people wouldn't think that working in a nursing home would be that insane, but those people didn't work Hall 6). There were times that sleep eluded us and we would just carry on with it like we didn't need to sleep (ah, to by 18/20 again).

When she got pregnant with her first child (Baby Izzy, whom I also adore), she lived with us and we were together more often than not. I couldn't even count how many late night snack runs we made, how many times she let me drive her truck (which by the way, I looovvveeedddd and was the only one who didn't smash it), and how many inside jokes that we have.

Some of my favorite memories of ours (for me) include: watching Strangers and then promptly not being able to be alone at any point for at least two weeks, taking road trips for Christmas shopping (we lived in the boonies) while rocking out to "So What" and "Drinkin' Problem", going on a vodka fueled four-wheeler riding/hiking excursion with her cousin, all those long nights on Hall 6, and everything in between and after.

Also, I feel the need to say, back in the day when she had Izzy, a picture was posted on FB, and once D and his family (aka, grandmother and mother) saw it (we unfortunately lost touch for a bit after we moved out of FL, all due to a bunch of giant misunderstandings), they thought that I had gotten pregnant at seventeen and ran away. And while they now know that I would have never done something like that (I talked to D's mom last time she was up here, and she apologized and insisted it was just because the resemblance matched so close and the timing all lined up perfectly, and the situation that Momma and I were in there did us absolutely no favors and we had to get out of there quick), I was never mad about it. I do however find it hilarious that so many people thought we resembled when he was a baby and I was younger.

Now, she's now the wonderful mother of two beautiful children, and I am so very proud of her.

So, here's to you, AND THEN!! I wish you nothing but the best, and hope that you have a blessed life full of love, humor, kindness, and that you get everything that you've ever wanted. You deserve that, and so very much more. I love you. ❤️

I'm so happy that it's finally Friday. ⌒°(❛ᴗ❛)°⌒⌒°(❛ᴗ❛)°⌒⌒°(❛ᴗ❛)°⌒

Y'all, it's been a llloooooonnnnnngggggg ass week!!

I overslept yesterday morning and was late for work. Well, technically I didn't "oversleep." I've barely been sleeping at all lately, even with my new meds, and I finally passed out about 4:45 yesterday morning. So, when my alarm went off at 5:30, I apparently hit it and fell back asleep. D literally had to shake me and say my name before I came too. Therefore, I did oversleep, but not because I was sleeping well.

Does that make sense? If not, I apologize. I'm just really wonky today.

I've been invited to a couple of things recently, but have no desire to go. I know that sounds horrible, but it's not for any other reason except for the fact that I feel eternally exhausted.... but still unable to rest. My plans for this weekend?

I don't have any. Sure, I have to go to the grocery store, either this evening or tomorrow, and I'm sure D will want to do something around the house. But, my masterful plan is to try and take it easy and get some rest. I don't know how well that will work out. Then again, that's why they call it a "plan" and not an absolute.

There's also some major plans on my part to get in some major snuggle time with my pups, maybe watch a couple of movies, perhaps finish the audiobook I'm currently reading (The Boy Who Sneaks in My Bedroom Window). I like to listen to it while I cook supper and such, so it may work out. And ever since Dani convinced me to get a library card, the whole "borrowing" ebooks and movies has gotten remarkably easier (the library is right around the corner from my house).

In my future, I also see some form of booze. Wine, whiskey, schnapps.... maybe a bit of them all. I joke.... mostly. But, I do enjoy having a couple of drinks while cooking and/or watching movies, (and throughout the day in general), so you know.

TFGIFF, dude. (Ps: Cuddles with my little guy while we watched "31" yesterday after work). ❤️

I got to wake up to this cuteness this morning. ❤️

Is it still considered "waking up" if you've been awake for hours, but you finally manage to drag yourself out of bed? I'm not really sure, but either way, I'm going with it.

I was running late this morning (dragging myself out of bed is getting harder by the day), but once I saw that Tayder was laying on D and Spart had his arm over Tayder, I had to stop for a few seconds to capture the moment (Xur was asleep on the couch, because he likes all the space when he sleeps!).

I swear, there are times I really don't know what I would do without my pups. I know that probably sounds insane or ununderstandable, but it's the truth. They are great company and I find much comfort in them. Even when they're being little shits, I still adore them.

And I'm assuming that's how a (pup)mother is supposed to feel.

I can now see which dvd's (mostly) are in my collection.

I made dvd shelves! (Ok fine, D and I made dvd shelves, but I’m taking 96% credit). 🤣

Sundays used to be our day of rest.... but not so much anymore.

Unless you are our pupchildren. They get all the rest.... and treats. So many treats.

And since I woke up at 4:00am, I got to take pictures of our pups (and D) before they woke up too. #Insomnia

We spent the entire day cleaning/organizing our garage, building shelves (I wanted to build some shelves for our living room, so I can put up the dvds and actually see them), and fixing the fire pit (this was all, 100% D's thing), and the pups felt the need to inspect all of our work. Xur even felt the need to lay in the work (aka, firepit). (P.s. it’s hot as hell outside!) 🤣

Trying.... and failing.... but then, picking myself up and trying again.

So, here I am. In all of my "can't figure out what's wrong with me, therefore there is no fix for it" self.

I went to the doctor yesterday for my follow-up and they had me retake that numbers test, that I still don't fully understand, but apparently it gives them some much needed answers? According to said test, I am still on the "severe depression and anxiety" spectrum. Which isn't a spectrum I knew existed until this year, but it's amazing the things that can change and happen in such a short span. For better or worse.

I've been taking my medicine as prescribed, but honestly feel no different and am still not sleeping. And when I do sleep, I either wake up a million times or I have dreams that wake me up immediately in a panic attack.

Fun times.

So, we talked and she decided (we decided) that my antidepressant should be increased and she gave me something for sleep. I haven't taken any of it yet, because I dropped it off yesterday evening and picked it up on my lunch break today, but I'll probably start it tonight. Here's to hoping that it helps.

Honestly, I'm a mess. A total f*cking mess. I still feel the same. I'm still tired, have no energy, a sporadic appetite, and I cry more than I would ever like to. Sometimes, I can't stop myself and it's at very inconvenient times. D tries to help all he can, but I still can't seem to tell him what I need, because even I still don't know.

I thought things would be different by now, but the only thing that seems to be different is the fact that I can fake being "ok" better on certain days. And yeah, it's incredibly f*cking hard and I hate it. But, everyone keeps telling me it's a process and that I will eventually get to a place where I actually am "ok". Maybe not good, but ok.

For all of these reasons, I'm here. At this moment in my life and just trying to get through and take it one day at a time.

Trying.... and failing.... but picking myself back up and dragging through to try again.

Our dogs have boundary issues and think they're teeny tiny.

D: I’m gonna sleep on the couch, because these dogs won’t get off of me in the bed. 
Our dogs: ....... 🤣

I almost let someone know I was gonna be real late getting back to work.

On my way back to work today (from my lunch break), I had a pretty scary experience.

I was driving down the road, jamming to Queen, letting Ricardo lead the way when it almost hit me. And by "it" I mean a big ass semi. I have to go through quite a few stoplights to/from my house to the office, and one set is three consecutive lights. I got through the first two and as I was going through the third, a semi driver decided that he would not only run a red light, but that he would also make a u-turn.

Effectively being as dangerous as possible and nearly making me pee my pants.

I had my windows down and by the time I realized what he was doing, he was so close that all I could do was slam on my brakes and swerve. It must have been instinctual or something, because I stuck my arm up to shield myself before I even realized what I was doing.... and he was so close that my hand actually touched his grill.

Luckily, nobody was hurt and a wreck didn't happen, but I really hope that dude pays a little more attention and doesn't pull any shit like that again.

Now, once I get off of work, I have to run to the grocery store (my pups need food!), then I have to clean the house when I get home.... and then I think I'll stay inside and not do anything else for tonight (maybe the whole weekend?), because my anxiety is very unhappy with me right now.

TFGIFF, dude.

My bloodline ends with me.... the dramatic way to let people know.

I read an article the other day (I can't remember which website?), written by a woman who doesn't want kids and was being chastised for it. Because apparently, when you're a woman, the only thing you should want in life is to be a mother.

It's ok, dude. I get it all the time.

You see, my mother was the best mother. And I know almost everyone thinks and says that about their mother, but when I say it, it's true. I am a firm believer that some people are born to be mothers.... and some are not.

One of the things that I deal with the most in life, is when people ask me when I'm going to have kids. Once someone learns that you have no plans for children or that you don't want them, they seem to make it their lifelong goal to ensure that you do in fact reproduce.

Why it's so important to other people what pops out of my vagina, I'll never know, but I guess that's one of the great mysteries of life that I'll never solve.

If it were possible, I would have Robert Stack narrate my life.

You see, I've never wanted kids. I once had to write a paper for my "senior project" (in high school.... so many moons ago) detailing what I thought my life would look like in ten years, and actually had to write a second paper, because the first one came off so sarcastic. So yeah, two papers. One truthful and one completely made up.

But, when you tell people that you don't want kids, they look at you like you have six heads. And then you get to hear the best of the best with shit like:

"I don't know how you can feel that way, I've always wanted a family."
"You'll change your mind."
"That'll all change when you meet the right person."
"Everyone thinks they can't be a mother, but once you hold that baby in your arms...."
"Do you hate all children?"
Are you too selfish to have children?"
"Who will take care of you when you're old?"
"Parenting is the best job in the whole world! You'll be missing out."
"What if your husband decides he wants kids? You know, people get divorced over that."

Well, my answers to those inquiries are quite simple really:

I don't feel like a family is just parents and children. There are many kinds of families, whether bound by blood or not, that truly love each other and would do anything for the other.

I'm not going to change my mind. Have you met me? Once my mind is set, it's there and there's no going back. I'm too stubborn and set in my ways to turn it around now.

And frankly, I have met the right person. If I was going to have children, it would be with D, because I know he would be a fantastic dad. But, I still don't want kids.

You know what makes me happy when I hold it in my arms? Puppies, burritos, and booze. Not necessarily in that order. We are all entitled to our happiness and who is one person to determined what happiness is for another?

No, I don't hate all children. I love my nephews dearly and brag about other children until I'm blue in the face. I just don't want to have any of "my own." And that doesn't mean that I don't love them or that I would ever hurt a child. Just because you love something, doesn't mean you want it. I love Mexican food, but that doesn't mean I want to sit down and eat fifty burritos every day for the rest of my life. Why? Because that's expensive and will cause stomach problems.

Call it selfish if you want. I feel truly horrible for the people that want to be mothers and can't. My heart goes out to them and I wish them all the hope, love, and encouragement from the deepest and most sincere part of myself. But, just because I want that for them, doesn't mean that I want it for myself.

I don't know who will take care of me when I'm old. Hopefully I'll be able to take care of myself or just randomly kill over one day and won't be a bother to anyone else. Besides, who's to say that if I were to have children, that they wouldn't be little shits of human beings and would actually take care of me when I'm old anyways?

You know what the best job in the world is? Puppy daycare runner. I don't know if that's a legit title or not, but I'm currently looking into it as we speak.

I know where my husband fiance stands on kids. He's always wanted kids. And don't think for one minute that we haven't had that talk, because we have. In fact, we have that talk at least once a week, because I don't want him to feel like he's missing out on anything, and honestly, that's the kind of talk you really should have BEFORE you get married. I want to be able to give him everything that he wants in the world and to make him unconditionally happy, but I also am not going to have kids just to please someone else. Maybe that's selfish? Maybe that's just realistic. Either way, we both know where one another stands on the subject and we've learned to not only live with it, but understand it.

D has always wanted ten kids. I've never wanted any. We compromised and have three dogs (with him trying to sneak in a fourth). And our lives revolve around those pups. And I wouldn't have it any other way. If D wants it another way, he knows that he can tell me. We're very open and honest about our future with each other. Always have been.

So, quit saying that I'm missing out. Quit trying to make me feel bad for not wanting kids. Stop trying to change my mind and if you don't like all of my answers, then maybe you shouldn't bring up the subject. And if you feel like it's something you want for your life, don't just assume that every other person around you wants the same thing.

Why?! BECAUSE MY BLOODLINE ENDS WITH ME. That's why.

I haven't had a library card since I was fourteen years old.

Dani and I tend to listen to audiobooks and podcasts at work. We like to have the background noise, and frankly, we're tired of hearing the same four songs on the radio. We've listened to a variety of things from murder mystery to the story of R. Kelly (dude, it was hard getting through that one and that guy is a serious creep! gives me the heebie geebees.).

We even gave The Shining a go for a little bit, but then realized that might not be appropriate for work (even though, most things around here aren't).

I enjoy it so much that Dani even got me a membership for Audible last Christmas (and it's still one of my favorite gifts that I have received).

Currently we are in the middle of The Perks of Being a Wallflower and I'm listening to Dani's new book, The Great Alone, and it's officially on my list of things I have to read on my own IMMEDIATELY.

With all of that being said, Dani let me know that if I got a library card, that I can download apps on my phone and read e-books or listen to audiobooks through those apps. Apparently, it works just like you would check out a library book, but all digital. I can't explain to you how convenient that makes life.

I stopped at the library yesterday on my way back to work (it's literally right around the corner from my house and on the street I take to/from work every day) and picked up a card. It was both hilarious and surreal to know that I am an official "library card carrying member".

Most people that know me, know that I love books. And if you ask anyone that's ever helped me move, they can tell you how many books that I own (they're not exactly light). But, I'm a book collector. I like to hold them in my hands and read page by page, mark the books when/where needed, and I've never been a big fan of "e-books" (even though I read the last two FSOG books via e-books.... and yes, I know those books are ridiculous).

But, I am pretty into this whole audiobook thing and I'm glad that she talked me into it. Not to mention, D and I can check out movies at the library just like I would an actual book. We swung by last night and picked up four (Wars Dogs, Looper, The Legend of Tarzan, and Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates), and I created an account online through the library that allows me to place books/movies on hold and when they're delivered to that particular library, they send me a message that it's ready for pickup. Needless to say, I currently have four movies and endless audiobooks on hold.

All in all, I love it and I dare say, when it comes to this, victory is mine.

Pre/Post cleaning/laundry/bath time Sunday. ❤️

Sundays are usually "our day" to do whatever needs to be done. Actually, Sundays are usually "our day" to try and do as little as possible. We like to use those days to nap, watch movies, snuggle with our pups, stay in, and basically just "rest".

But, this Sunday was not one of those days.... completely.

We did have a restful kind of evening and watched a movie (Inglourious Basterds), but the day was busy and full of things to be completed. Usually we do all of these things on Saturday, but Aunt Susi had asked me to come and have lunch with her, so our Saturday things got pushed to Sunday.

We ran out to drop off my mortgage payment, I picked up a couple of things from the store, we cleaned the entire house (more so than what I maintain during the week), gave all three pups baths (and flea treatments), and caught up on laundry.

I have our yard treated for fleas every year, but between our neighbors not having their yards treated and all the stray cats in our neighborhood, we've had a bit of trouble with fleas this year. I give our pups baths weekly and we of course have the stuff for furniture, but they still manage to get to our pups no matter how much we try to prevent it. I picked them up some flea collars for a little more reinforcement.

Basically, I'll be happy when the cool weather hits and kills it all off.

After they had their baths, and I stripped our bed and our couch and washed everything, including the bathroom rugs, and all the other cleaning was done, then we got to relax and finish out our Sunday.

Our way. And just like we like it.